Chica411 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 (edited) My friend told me about this guy that was interested in me. I emailed him, and we've been talking almost 2 months. We're exclusive but not official, and I was ok with not rushing it. But I'm wondering if it's an excuse to not have any effort, but rather be friends with bennies, only a little more. He says he's interested, but actions don't say it. He'll write morning. But often writes hey, and I've casually mentioned that it's a really lame text. He doesn't call, and I hate feeling like I'm doing all the chasing. He comes over but is asleep in an hour, which was cute the first few times now I don't even want to invite him over! There is no flirting, like hey beautiful or cute texts. We go on dates and laugh and have fun. But there just isn't that butterfly feeling you'd expect in the early stages of dating. Also he's divorced, his daughter is 8. He's unsure of more kids, and i was too. But recently I realized I do want more (my son is 3) I don't know if I'm expecting to much, or if I'm being impatient. Or if my expectations are right. I want dating to be fun and casual, and while anything can happen it should either slowly build to a relationship. Or lead to nothing, move on. This just feels like it's dragging, there is no build up. I'm frustrated! My friend was mad we're still talking, the two of them went on a date but had no chemistry, there was something the first date. So maybe he's slow. But while there's too fast, I think there's also too slow. I don't want to call it off too soon, I wouldn't even know what to say. I don't know if I should give it one more date or whatever, or stop wasting my time. I'm 27, he's 35 (we do have same Bday lol). Edited December 26, 2013 by Chica411
d0nnivain Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 If you are having sex but not official dating him or his GF, you are merely a FWB. If you want a relationship speak up. Understand because you have let him "get away with" not putting effort into this arrangement, you have inadvertently taught him it's OK to treat you casually. 1
Author Chica411 Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 (edited) If you are having sex but not official dating him or his GF, you are merely a FWB. If you want a relationship speak up. Understand because you have let him "get away with" not putting effort into this arrangement, you have inadvertently taught him it's OK to treat you casually. I think that people do date for a certain amount of time, and sex does come up, before making it official. Decent guys wouldn't take it for granted or take it less seriously, while others say the "Why buy the cow." Also the fact that we do go on dates, and it doesn't always lead to something, makes it not just FWB. But I agree it is too casual. I did ask if he's interested and if it's just sex to say it, and he said he is interested and could go without sex. I don't know if since he's divorced he's overly cautious. Edited December 26, 2013 by Chica411
Onethirtyeight Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Have you talked about how you don't like this and tried to find a middle ground? I had a GF once who was like you are where she wanted me to be super romantic all the time, and I had no idea. So then she started getting all upset and didn't tell me why, so I dumped her because I felt like she was just being we blanket. I didn't know she felt this way until well after it was done.
Author Chica411 Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 (edited) Have you talked about how you don't like this and tried to find a middle ground? I had a GF once who was like you are where she wanted me to be super romantic all the time, and I had no idea. So then she started getting all upset and didn't tell me why, so I dumped her because I felt like she was just being we blanket. I didn't know she felt this way until well after it was done. I did, but he disappeared from the convo. I also said I couldn't stand the hey text, and he still does it. It may be how he is, and I'm not asking for a whole lot. But something that shows emotions. Some flirting and compliments, which seems normal for dating. I don't need a lot of romance, or often, but at least effort.... He says I need to relax, and I feel that's not taking me seriously. But he is 35, so I'm not sure what waiting and seeing would bring, unless he really does move at a snail's pace. Edited December 26, 2013 by Chica411
Author Chica411 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 So it's def him. I called, he texted, so I called back, and he whined that he doesn't like the phone. Yes whined! Said his phone would die in 5 minutes, we talked for 20. He said how he knows many people who don't like the phone, I said I do so we should meet in the middle, call once a week. He said, "No middle is texting." We were kind of talking, he had me on speaker... Then I casually brought up the lack of flirting, saying that he really doesn't seem interested (I was annoyed at the immature conversation). He said I'm making a big deal of out nothing, and I said that he isn't doing a lot to keep my interest. He said that he was busy, and I replied, "Maybe you're too busy for me" and hung up. He texted asking if I hung up,, I said yes. And said if he has time for hey, he can sometimes say hey beautiful and he always has an excuse instead of trying to understand. He wrote back saying if I didn't want someone so busy I shouldn't date someone with a career,kids, a house. He has his daughter every Friday, full every other weekend, gets out of work at 4, and has plenty of time for Facebook. But he said how I don't have work or a house and he works OT to get his daughter so I have a lot more time. Some excuse for having time to say hey and what's up, but being unable to flirt!!
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