lollypoppet Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Hello all, I've been seeing a guy for a while now, i am a med student just about to start rota shifts in a hospital, the guy i'm seeing is a criminal lawyer, i understand how busy we both are, but having been in many relationships before where it was more carefree with work, the guy would only see me once a week...I know that to feel special and more important, I wanna see a guy like at least 2-3 times. I personally believe that if someone is that important to you, you will find the time, I already know i could find that time...because even if i see him a couple times,a week for dinner, yeah it's short, but i'd really value that time with him, otherwise, it's like seeing my friend...but i understand how busy things can get, but I wanna know that time can be made for me? Do i make sense? does anyone here experience, or have experienced something similar? I'd be really happy to hear some advice, because whilst i am patient i also dont wanna be less important, just equally as important and i dont think 2 times a week is little??
Author lollypoppet Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 anybody? any advice or anything?
d0nnivain Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Yes. that's nice in theory. However in your 2 chosen professions it's not realistic. If you don't do your job people die. He can't control when his clients' get arrested & will spend long hours prepping the cases; there is also night court. 2
Author lollypoppet Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 What would anyone in my shoes do?
Author lollypoppet Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 I do think people make time for each other when they are busy. However, 2 people with such insane jobs will legitimately have difficulty doing this. You might be better off dating a guy with a more normal and less time consuming job. I have actually considered this lol, it was something i did think about, but i feel there's a lot of potential with this guy now that I wanna try and find a balance or compromise or something
Eau Claire Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I'll be blunt. I find people who are 'too busy' for people, too busy to get fit, to go for a hike, to go to a play, to... .....really tedious and boring.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 My ex had a very time-consuming job. We lived together for several years and barely saw each during the last couple years of the relationship. It simply wasn't enough to sustain a long-term relationship. I often felt like I took a backseat to his job. I tried to get him to carve out more time for me, but in the end, I realized he had to want to make time. In my case, it just didn't work. Sorry OP, I realize that's probably not what you wanted to hear!
d0nnivain Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 What would anyone in my shoes do? I'd keep the lines of communication open & be grateful for the times you can be together. It's not quantity, it's quality BTW, I have a time consuming job & have always dated men with similar issues.
Eau Claire Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 My boyfriend has a time consuming job but would rearrange the Universe to find time for the two of us. Sorry, I never buy into this logic of other things in life take priority over personal life...whether it be partner, children, etc. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Sorry, I never buy into this logic of other things in life take priority over personal life...whether it be partner, children, etc. Really? The OP is a doctor. Her BF is a criminal defense attorney. The next time you or somebody you love is dying or hurt in an emergency room or locked in jail do you honestly think it's OK for them to abandon you because their personal lives should take priority over your life changing emergency? Because I don't think my doctor gets to leave because he or she has a date. 4
FitChick Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Someone who is equally busy might be more understanding than someone in a 9 - 5 job. Or he might want someone who has a boring 9 - 5 job because she'd be more available. Depends on the people. I know a married couple where both are attorneys but in different fields. They work 10 - 12 hours most days and often on weekends. It's the nature of the job. Why anyone would want to be a lawyer is beyond me.
anna121 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 The biggest challenge will be schedule compatibility. If you're both into each other it shouldn't be too much to see each other a couple of times a week (sleepovers are probably the most practical) as long as you're both off at the same time. If that's not the case, I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to be able to shift his schedule to constantly accommodate yours. Criminal lawyers do have a bit more leeway sometimes - things plead out, trials get postponed - but it tends to be feast or famine. (BTW, not that many crim lawyers are going down to the police station at midnight. They'll tell the client to stay mum and deal with it in the morning.) 1
Author lollypoppet Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 Thanks guys, it's very confusing, because I know we both like each other. It's hard because though I know he's busy, he has a Monday to Friday job, and I work on a rota, I just feel like, one day during the week i could see him for dinner, and maybe spend longer with him on weekends? Like a bit Longer on a Saturday or something? Obviously, this is something I will communicate to him with, but I just wanted some idea's and advice?
Author lollypoppet Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 At the same time, I also feel like it is dooable. He doesn't always go to the office on a weekend, and if he does he goes early to spend his time at home (because it can be physically and mentally exhausting), and it would be nice to just chill and relax. 1
Emilia Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 When someone has a demanding job but want to see you, they find all sorts of ways to be with you, even if they can't stay over. My ex is in the army, he would find the time here and there just to see me briefly even if he couldn't spend the night. Sometimes I didn't see him for 10 days in a row but then I would see him for whole weekends or a full week when on leave, etc. People find the way if they want. He was even stationed in a different town from me. I laugh when people use the excuse 'demanding jobs' 1
Emilia Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 At the same time, I also feel like it is dooable. He doesn't always go to the office on a weekend, and if he does he goes early to spend his time at home (because it can be physically and mentally exhausting), and it would be nice to just chill and relax. As someone else said: boring
Author lollypoppet Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Okay guys, i ended up asking one of my other guy mates, who is also a lawyer, albeit a different type, but still, and he said if a girl is important to him, he would make that time, so really I guess there is no excuse is there?
DALIFAN Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I am in a very similar situation like you but me and my (now) boyfriend managed to work through it. I am a doctor too and he just recently opened a bar and restaurant. We met 3 months ago and at that time I was extremely busy and stressed with work and he was drowning in last prep work, etc... The good thing about both parties being extremely busy is the fact, that both will be understanding towards the other. You won't be able to spend as much time together as most other couples and sometimes I feel like I'm not getting the honeymoon phase I'm supposed to get. But then again it makes both of us appreciate the time we actually get to spend together. The last time I saw my boyfriend was 7 days ago and I'm going to see him tomorrow and you have no clue how excited both of us are. Yes it is true, that if you care you will make time for him. But there is only so much you can do. You chose to be a doctor knowingly that it will take sacrifices, but it doesn't mean that you won't get to be in a functional wonderful relationship like everybody else. Don't give up. Just make the time you actually get to spent together count. Good luck!! 1
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