Bearx Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Where to begin...Well, He lives in America and I live in the UK. We've liked each other for a very long time. For about 4 years I believe. I've had my rough experiences with love and so has he. But, I've never felt the type of love he gives me. It feels different than most. Sorta feels like it's the first time I've really ever felt in 'love'. I feel complete when I'm around him. It's been like this before we got into a long distance relationship. We always use to spend time together. I'd always make time for him everyday. I really do love him. But, lately in this 2 month period, he's been really distant. More distant than before. He doesn't go to school because he can't afford it. Nor does he have a job because it's hard to find one (I don't mind if he doesn't do either ). He sleeps most of the day and wakes up at 3 his time (which would be 9 for me). Sometimes it's later than 3. But, even with so much time on his hands, he only gets on skype to talk to me for 15 minutes (I know some people have it worse). I know he has to make time with his friends and family. But, why do I come last everyday? He said that he wont change the time he sleeps and wakes up for me. I never asked why because I'd feel like I'd be invading his life. He's been sick currently so he can't go out with his mates so he's been spending more time with me. But, I don't want him to spend time with me just cause he's stuck with me. Nor do I want him to spend time with me just cause I'm nagging him about the distance in our relationship. I haven't said anything because I want him to have fun and be happy. Plus, I don't know what to say nor do. I'm sorta getting use to this distance... Any tips?
StringsAttached Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 (edited) Where to begin...Well, He lives in America and I live in the UK. We've liked each other for a very long time. For about 4 years I believe. I've had my rough experiences with love and so has he. But, I've never felt the type of love he gives me. It feels different than most. Sorta feels like it's the first time I've really ever felt in 'love'. I feel complete when I'm around him. It's been like this before we got into a long distance relationship. We always use to spend time together. I'd always make time for him everyday. I really do love him. But, lately in this 2 month period, he's been really distant. More distant than before. He doesn't go to school because he can't afford it. Nor does he have a job because it's hard to find one (I don't mind if he doesn't do either ). He sleeps most of the day and wakes up at 3 his time (which would be 9 for me). Sometimes it's later than 3. But, even with so much time on his hands, he only gets on skype to talk to me for 15 minutes (I know some people have it worse). I know he has to make time with his friends and family. But, why do I come last everyday? He said that he wont change the time he sleeps and wakes up for me. I never asked why because I'd feel like I'd be invading his life. He's been sick currently so he can't go out with his mates so he's been spending more time with me. But, I don't want him to spend time with me just cause he's stuck with me. Nor do I want him to spend time with me just cause I'm nagging him about the distance in our relationship. I haven't said anything because I want him to have fun and be happy. Plus, I don't know what to say nor do. I'm sorta getting use to this distance... Any tips? This is just me but if he doesn't work or study and sleeps until 3 is he really worth it? I was in your boat once but I was the guy (my first relationship was LDR). I was a bum basically; depressed and lonely didn't do anything and woke up at 3...my gf thought I was avoiding her when in fact I was sleeping all day because I wasn't feeling well. Eventually my gf started talking to me less and less and there were more arguments and she dumped me. Once she dumped me I realized what I had lost and immediately started begging and giving her more time and after a couple of months we reconciled. 5 months later my old pattern started emerging again and she dumped me again I didn't understand why she couldn't just wait for me to fix myself. It wasn't until much later when we started talking as friends and she eventually found a new BF that I realized that I wasn't ready for a relationship. Even if we met and I charmed her pants off I was way over my head here I don't have time for this. But I could never say no to her and kept loving her even if it was a failed relationship. I'm not saying you're in the same boat as my ex gf but there are signs that point that way and I would like to save you two the trouble of an agonizing, gut-wrenching breakup that may follow. Stay blessed. Edited December 27, 2013 by StringsAttached
Author Bearx Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 This is just me but if he doesn't work or study and sleeps until 3 is he really worth it? I was in your boat once but I was the guy (my first relationship was LDR). I was a bum basically; depressed and lonely didn't do anything and woke up at 3...my gf thought I was avoiding her when in fact I was sleeping all day because I wasn't feeling well. Eventually my gf started talking to me less and less and there were more arguments and she dumped me. Once she dumped me I realized what I had lost and immediately started begging and giving her more time and after a couple of months we reconciled. 5 months later my old pattern started emerging again and she dumped me again I didn't understand why she couldn't just wait for me to fix myself. It wasn't until much later when we started talking as friends and she eventually found a new BF that I realized that I wasn't ready for a relationship. Even if we met and I charmed her pants off I was way over my head here I don't have time for this. But I could never say no to her and kept loving her even if it was a failed relationship. I'm not saying you're in the same boat as my ex gf but there are signs that point that way and I would like to save you two the trouble of an agonizing, gut-wrenching breakup that may follow. Stay blessed. Thank you very much. But, I'll try getting use to it I guess, even though it hurts. If it gets to the point where I can't stand it, I'll talk to him about it. For now, I don't know what to do, so I wont do anything. Thanks though...
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 How long have you been long-distance? It could be that he's just not doing well with the distance and his priorities are shifting. I'd be concerned that he's sleeping every day until 3 pm, simply because that indicates he isn't really looking for a job. Someone who is actively looking would be out interviewing, handing out resumes, etc. What is he doing all night long that he sleeps so late all the time? That aside, it does sound like he's drifting away a bit. Talk to him. Let him know what your concerns are and see if you're still on the same page. Is there some ending point to the distance? Or is this long-distance situation an indefinite one? What do you both want out of this? etc.
writergal Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 OP, During the 4 years that you've liked each other, how often have you traveled to see each other? Ever? Has he been unemployed for the entire 4 years? What do you like about him so much? It doesn't sound like he's made you a priority in his life, if he sleeps all day and puts you last on his priority list. 4 years is a long time to emotionally invest in someone via Skype video chat, if you've never met. Can you plan a trip to go visit him this spring/summer? Try to find a summer job in England and see what happens with that assuming that you're a college student yourself?
jracksd Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Hey, Sorry to hear about your dilemma but let me just say that the long distance relationship thing is an endurance trial more than a sprint. You will have LOTS of ups and downs and the best thing you can do is to keep your head up and focus on you and just show him that you care. There were days with mine where we would laugh and talk all day and others where I would not hear anything because the distance grinds on you. Just stay tough and positive, let him know you are there for him if he needs you but otherwise focus on you.
Author Bearx Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 OP, During the 4 years that you've liked each other, how often have you traveled to see each other? Ever? Has he been unemployed for the entire 4 years? What do you like about him so much? It doesn't sound like he's made you a priority in his life, if he sleeps all day and puts you last on his priority list. 4 years is a long time to emotionally invest in someone via Skype video chat, if you've never met. Can you plan a trip to go visit him this spring/summer? Try to find a summer job in England and see what happens with that assuming that you're a college student yourself? We've been going out for 6/7 months now. But liked each for 4 years. Even with a summer job, I doubt I'd have enough money. They pay us very little here. Also, I'd get in the way of his life and his family. But, I was planning on working part time till I start university. By then, I'd have enough to go there for about a week or so, for a hotel and for us to go on dates together and have fun. But, I don't know if we'll even manage to be together till then. Thank you by the way.
Author Bearx Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Hey, Sorry to hear about your dilemma but let me just say that the long distance relationship thing is an endurance trial more than a sprint. You will have LOTS of ups and downs and the best thing you can do is to keep your head up and focus on you and just show him that you care. There were days with mine where we would laugh and talk all day and others where I would not hear anything because the distance grinds on you. Just stay tough and positive, let him know you are there for him if he needs you but otherwise focus on you. Thank you. I'll try my best to stay positive. And you're right about LDRs. Thank you again.
Treasa Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 (edited) First of all, I am with a guy with whom I was in a LDR for a long time. He's awesome. I was also with a guy who was like your guy, only I'm in the U.S. and he was in the U.K. But the rest is pretty much the same. No school, no job, still managed to put me last. I would go to work, try to talk to him on my breaks, and he'd be too busy sleeping or playing video games to really pay attention to me. My self-esteem was shot at the time, so I put up with it for several months, but then I couldn't do it anymore. I realized he was never going to change, and that combined with the incredible distance was just too much. Plus he was a prick, but that's another matter entirely. If this guy has no responsibilities and has actually told you that he won't wake up earlier in order to talk to you more often or make you feel loved, he is telling you that you aren't that important to him. Break up and find someone who will give you what you need. Edited January 1, 2014 by Treasa 3
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