do she have feelings for me?

[ineeslove]

I love my first cousin (my mother's brother's daughter). She is

18 and have 3 brothers and she is youngest among them, and iam good with all her brothers.

 

The situation is 3 months back during the messaging i conveyed my feelings in most ungenuine way (feeling embarrassing at that time, even the time was not correct I just told her about a first girl that I had crush on and then I told her I like her), she just asked me tell me the truth if its a joke it will hurt , I said I am serious and she said I like you 2.

 

Next day she told me

"dont do many msgs coz its not my personal cell (it was a cell that always remains home), or brother will feel something wrong and dis time im nt ready 2 any relation with any body nd whats our 'age' now nothing, we have future ahead ,nd

ill only say this

focus on ur studies and me also.

Sorry if i hurt u..

thats it by my side".

So instead of understanding her i fought with her over messages, and when i realised it i wrote an apology to her, but that apology message was read by her eldest brother and his wife.

After 2 months i visited her house (those 2 months no contact with her) i apologised her for i made her head down in front of his brother and making her cry

and then asked her “iam not so mean that i will

make space in someone’s heart forcefully”, i asked “am i doing so” she said “no no no shaking her head her head and smiling” she at last said

"forget everything what i said to you and what you said to me , move on" at that time i annoyed her by asking "i can wait for you in future", she

was too anoyed that she didn't talked me that day, the whole day i was feeling embarrassed at their house.

 

On my next visit for 4 days i was feeling awful so to mend my relation with her bro and his wife i took an initative to talk to his bro's wife i apologised her, at that time she was also there she asked permission from her SIL(sister in law) to talk to me for 5 mins, the important thing she said to me at that time was she said "i need time", so respecting her wishes i said "take your time", at that time she was too amazed that she got something priceless from me.She also told me her bro threatned her and his wife "if we both have anything in between he will see both of us"

 

After a week she messaged me,(it was completely after 3 months she messaged me (up till today this was the only message i received from her ))

 

“Plz reply

2most beautiful things in your life

1

2

2people you love the most

1

2

2people you dont want to lose

1

2

2moments you are waiting for

1

2?

 

So i replied

 

“2most beautiful things in my life

1Parents

2You

2people i love the most

1Parents

2You

2people i dont want to lose

1Parents

2You

2moments iam waiting for

1Your success

2My success

gud nt tk care”

 

then she didnt replied any thing.

 

She knows iam definately going to reply her message, because before 3 months back i used to reply to her such messages but now i thinks i replyed her very seriously?. Is it so? What she wants to know me through this message?

 

Whats going on her mind? Can she be thinking my feelings after 3 months are not as strong as they were before? What feelings she have for me? Does she love me?

 

All my inner peace is taken away by thousand of questions, i want to talk to her want to say "i have hurt you, even made you cry but i never meant to. what all love i have is only for you , the feelings i have for you will remain for rest of my life they will die when i will die"( i got chance many times to say this but you know iam shy to girls and a bad speaker )

 

I want to know how much time she needs, how do I ask her this I don't want to turn her off by being too serious.

 

I want to know If feelings are mutual then she can take her time, I don't want to have anything with her under her brother's nose.If feelings are not mutual what's the reason for taking time. Please advise me what to do I am thinking too much , I have not slept peacefully from last 4 months .

 

Sorry for a novel your advice will be highly appreciated.

[iworthmore]

sorry for that bro. well u did it all wrong by answering that message and quickly. it might be a group message and a game those girls do with each other, u not sure she sent it to u in particular.

u were too pushy and u talking abt things which is in the past. no need to apologize again. and u must think before u react. when u told her to take her time u must mean it. and don't over analyse her SMS. she didnt reply yet.

keep no contact with her. she already know how u feel . if she will ever be interested she will know how to reach out. u must not act needy and u must respect her wish. stay away, don't bother her. she was frank with you since the beginning.

u must attract her. by being available and needy ur pushing her away.

[xUnknown]

the feelings i have for you will remain for rest of my life they will die when i will die"

 

how do I ask her this I don't want to turn her off by being too serious.

 

 

First, how old are you? Just out of curiosity? Also, I personally don't believe the whole cousins think is a good situation to be in, or right (in my opinion). But, if someone loves someone, it is what it is.

 

First, I would not say that. Its been known that you two care about each other. You don't want to say too much and scare her away. What has been said in the past is enough, she knows. She is young (18 right?), she needs some time to grow up...same for you, from what it sounds like.

 

Personally, I would wait a few years to get involved with this girl. Having her parents/brothers on your side and giving you the OK is important in this situation, so I would hold off until you can have a mature conversation with them about it. Don't wait forever man. If you keep waiting, you'll miss the life you have in front of you. Who's to say she is going to wait around for you??

 

I would go No Contact. Maybe a happy birthday text or something, happy new years...but that would be it. Don't come off too strong to scare her away. Be cordial.

[stillafool]

You guys are first cousins. To me, my first cousins are like my brothers and sisters. I could never imagine having a romantic interest in my brothers.

[ineeslove]

sorry for that bro. well u did it all wrong by answering that message and quickly. it might be a group message and a game those girls do with each other, u not sure she sent it to u in particular.

u were too pushy and u talking abt things which is in the past. no need to apologize again. and u must think before u react. when u told her to take her time u must mean it. and don't over analyse her SMS. she didnt reply yet.

keep no contact with her. she already know how u feel . if she will ever be interested she will know how to reach out. u must not act needy and u must respect her wish. stay away, don't bother her. she was frank with you since the beginning.

u must attract her. by being available and needy ur pushing her away.

 

thnx for your kind request bro i agree with all your words, iam definitely stopping myself acting too needy but this whole thing is driving me crazy.

[ineeslove]

First, how old are you? Just out of curiosity? Also, I personally don't believe the whole cousins think is a good situation to be in, or right (in my opinion). But, if someone loves someone, it is what it is.

 

First, I would not say that. Its been known that you two care about each other. You don't want to say too much and scare her away. What has been said in the past is enough, she knows. She is young (18 right?), she needs some time to grow up...same for you, from what it sounds like.

 

Personally, I would wait a few years to get involved with this girl. Having her parents/brothers on your side and giving you the OK is important in this situation, so I would hold off until you can have a mature conversation with them about it. Don't wait forever man. If you keep waiting, you'll miss the life you have in front of you. Who's to say she is going to wait around for you??

 

I would go No Contact. Maybe a happy birthday text or something, happy new years...but that would be it. Don't come off too strong to scare her away. Be cordial.

 

Iam 19.5 today, and she turned 18 this September , the day she asked me for time she also told me she don't want to grow up, i just replied "its ok, i like the way you are".

 

You are right i should wait till the time iam ready to have mature conversation with her brothers. Having her brothers/parents on my side will be no big deal, iam working for my future when they will see i have prospects thwn they would have no objections.

 

But right now i don't know why iam building up bad fantasies(if this happened or that happened) this is making me feel insane ,

all i just want to know how much time she needs, and iam confused how do i ask her this and also don't want to scare her off?

[ineeslove]

You guys are first cousins. To me, my first cousins are like my brothers and sisters. I could never imagine having a romantic interest in my brothers.

 

My dear "stillafool" first thing we don't share the same blood,

another thing if someone loves someone, it is what it is.

We never shared a brother sister relation , i used to see her 1 or 2 time in two three years but never ever talked, my feelings came for her when i stayed their house for 15 days for her eldest brothers marriage , at first i tried to escape the truth i loves her, but finally on the day of her brothers marriage i accepted it , it was hard but feelings are feelings.

[Xemyd]

I love my first cousin (my mother's brother's daughter).

 

I stopped reading after that. You guys are family, and yes, you do share the same blood, unless she was adopted, or her dad was adopted. No one should encourage this "relationship", it's not right.

 

I can't imagine her brothers or parents, or even your parents would approve of this.

[ineeslove]

I stopped reading after that. You guys are family, and yes, you do share the same blood, unless she was adopted, or her dad was adopted. No one should encourage this "relationship", it's not right.

 

I can't imagine her brothers or parents, or even your parents would approve of this.

 

i would have never posted here , if i was known i will face criticism !!

[ineeslove]

Introduction

 

No website dealing with cousin relationships would be complete without exploring the Christian viewpoint. Christianity is a very large tent. From Appalachian snake handlers to the majestic liturgy of Eastern Orthodoxy, Christian beliefs run the full gamut. In this discussion, we will consider only the biblical history and acceptance of cousin relationships, as opposed to institutional creeds. (For a complete discussion on the Catholic Church, please see our Chat with an Expert page.)

 

For much of the world's population, the Bible is the final authority on right and wrong. This is true both of devout Christians as well as those who may have some vague, indiscernible root in the Christian faith. Perhaps Christianity was the faith of one's parent or grandparent, and although the individual does not particularly follow the faith, they were ingrained from childhood that God is the ultimate authority, and the Bible is God's instruction book to mankind. Whether one truly believes in the Bible or not, it seems to have become a social standard to attribute one's own assumptions of right from wrong on scripture. Unfortunately, many times the person who claims that something is "a sin against God," or that an individual will "burn in Hell" for his actions or lifestyle have no clear understanding of what Scripture says on the subject. Perhaps even more unfortunate is that many preachers, priests, and theologians have also allowed society to cloud their judgment on the issue, rather than to study what the Bible has to say on the subject for themselves.

 

A look at Leviticus

 

The Bible has a great deal to say about cousin marriage, and not once does it say anything negative. To the contrary, all references to cousin marriage in scripture are 100% supportive. Let's look first at how the Bible defines sexual impurity. In Leviticus chapter 18 (KJV), God tells us that we are not to have sexual relations with the following:

 

any close relative (which you will clearly see does not include cousins)

 

your mother

 

your father's wife

 

your sister, (whole or half) "whether she was born in the same home or elsewhere" (v.9)

 

your grandchild

 

the daughter of your father's wife (step-sister)

 

your father's sister (aunt) "as she is your father's close relative"

 

your mother's sister (aunt) "as she is your mother's close relative"

 

your father's brother's wife (aunt)

 

your son's wife

 

your brother's wife

 

with both a woman and her daughter

 

your wife's sister as a rival wife (to spite your first wife)

 

during "uncleanness of her monthly period"

 

with your neighbor's wife

 

with a member of the same sex; the Bible says "that is detestable"

 

with an animal; the Bible refers to this as "a perversion"

 

 

Those who oppose cousin marriage often use "any close relative" to base their opposition on. Others will say that just because cousins aren't specifically referred to doesn't mean God didn't mean to include them. They insist this list is just a general rule of thumb, not an all-inclusive command. I disagree. Leviticus is a book of law. It is very specific and very definitive. The passage begins with "any close relative", and proceeds to describe all that God defines as near kin, followed by other sexual acts which God forbids. To say that God meant to include cousins is to assume God made a mistake. To say that it is only a general list, you must wonder why God was so very specific that He included beastiality, homosexuality, and sex during a woman's menstrual cycle. Furthermore, the Scripture clearly and unmistakably defines an aunt (a mother's or father's sister) as the parent's close relative, not as one's own.

 

Historically, the Jews have never considered a cousin to be a "close relative" or too close to marry. In fact, professor Guntry (Westmont College) states that Jews in the 1st century often married cousins. "Cousins on the father's side were most preferred, though not always possible" (p. 35).

 

Now you may wonder why Leviticus forbids a man to marry his aunt, but not a woman to marry her uncle. Some may use that as proof that God gave only generalities. This is a common misunderstanding; however, God did not forbid uncles and nieces from marriage. Why the double standard?

 

First let me explain that society changes. Culture changes. God does not change. What was common during Biblical times is not acceptable by today's standards. That being said, let's examine why God would allow a man to marry his niece but would not allow a woman to marry her nephew.

 

When a woman was left widowed, the men in her husband's family were required to take responsibility of the woman. The deceased husband's nearest kin was commanded to take her as his wife. If she had borne no children to her husband, her firstborn to his relative was to be the legitimate heir to the deceased spouse. However, the nearest kin was also required to have the approval of his first wife before taking on a second. If the first wife was opposed to the marriage, or was related to the widow within the defined prohibitions, then she became the responsibility of the next nearest kin. The brother of the deceased was generally the obvious choice, although a widow's marriage to her father in law was fairly common. Because cousin marriage was allowed by God's law, and was in fact commanded of many individuals throughout scripture, the deceased husband's nearest relative was often the widow's uncle. If neither a brother nor father to the deceased was an option, the next nearest kin appears to have always followed a lateral or ascending direction. In no instance did a widow become the marital responsibility of her late husband's son, or his brother's son.

 

I will briefly list some of the individuals commanded or otherwise instructed in scripture to marry a cousin. For further information on these individuals and the circumstances, you may choose to read the scriptural passages associated with each. More detailed information will be included in the forthcoming book, which will be made available on this website upon completion.

 

Biblical Cousin Marriages

 

Each of the following individuals in scripture were in the lineage of Mary, Christ's mother, or Joseph, his "earthly" father, who were chosen by God to raise His son. Most, if not all, occurred (chronologically) after the time in which Levitican law was written. Zelophehad's daughters did as the LORD commanded Moses. Zelophehad's daughters, Mahlah, Tirzah, Hoglah, Milcah and Noah, married their cousins on their father's side (Numbers 36:1-11).

 

Milcah was married to her cousin, Nahor. They had a grand daughter named Rebekkah. In Genesis 24:48-51, the story unfolds of how, against all odds, God's direction for her to marry her cousin's son Isaac (first cousin once removed) is made crystal clear.

 

Isaac and Rebekkah had two son's. Jacob was the son whom was blessed to fulfill God's prophecy that the descendant's of Abraham (Jacob's grandfather, Isaac's father) would become a great nation. Isaac instructed Jacob to marry a daughter of Rebekkah's brother. Although he immediately fell in love and became engaged to his cousin Rachel, his uncle tricked him into first marrying Rachel's sister Leah. Although God blessed Jacob greatly, Jacob suffered much grief and heartache for having married both sisters. Jacob's descendants became what is now known as the twelve tribes of Israel. (Genesis chapters 19 and 29)

 

In I Chronicles 23:22, Eleazar's daughters married their first cousins. Very little detail is given of this event.

 

Conclusion

 

 

Biblical prohibitions of cousin marriage reside only in the minds of the unlearned. We can find many instances of where God had blessed cousin marriage. In fact, the New Advent encyclopedia finds that Christ's parents -- Joseph & Mary-- were first cousins. Protestants come to the same conclusion. Do I believe that Joseph and Mary were first cousins? It's likely, but I do not need this to validate my relationship. It will be fun to tease Joseph and Mary a bit when I get up there.

[ineeslove]

Buddhism

 

Gautama Buddha married his first cousin, Princess Yasodhara. Buddhists have the most relaxed marriage laws of any religious faction. In fact, it may be more appropriate to say they have no marriage laws whatsoever. Buddhists see the institution of marriage, and nearly all matters of the heart, as very private matters, to be decided solely by each individual.

 

Some may find that surprising, as Buddhist monks live a life of celibacy. Yet, even that choice is made by the individuals out of a sense of personal dedication to serve others in spiritual aspects, not out of a prescribed religious duty or requirement. It is simply a lifestyle they have voluntarily chosen, just as vegetarians in some cultures have chosen to not eat meat.

Hinduism

 

While many may assume that Hinduism, like many other Eastern Religions, allows for cousin marriage, this is only half true. Hindus are divided into two separate and opposing schools of thought regarding cousin marriage.

 

The Dravidian Hindus of South India find marriage between cross-first cousins (the related parents of each cousin being a brother and sister) to be a preferred marital union. (Bittles book).

 

In contrast, the Aryan Hindus of North India strongly oppose consanguineal marriages within seven generations on the male side, and five generations on the female side of the family. (Kapadia 1958)

 

According to the Hindu Marriage Act of 1955, the degrees of prohibited relationships in marriage includes first cousins, as well as marriages between an uncle and niece. This prohibition extends to those who are related by half or full blood, and adoption. Interestingly enough, the law also specifies that those who are illegitimately related, (resulting from non-marital affair) are included in the prohibition. One would routinely assume that since an illegitimate relative still carried the same genetic similarity as a relative born legally into the same family, that this would not need to be specifically addressed.

 

Even so, the law seems to go unenforced among the Dravidian Hindus. A study conducted from 1980 to 1989 in two major South Indian cities reflected that 21.3% of Hindu marriages were consanguineous. (Bittles, Shami and Appaji Rao 1992).

 

Islam

 

The Prophet Mohammad married his first cousin, Zaynab bint Jahsh. It should be no suprise that the Quran has no prohibitions against cousin marriage.

 

Surah 4:

22. And marry not women whom your fathers married,- except what is past: It was shameful and odious,- an abominable custom indeed.

 

23. Prohibited to you (For marriage) are:- Your mothers, daughters, sisters; father's sisters, Mother's sisters; brother's daughters, sister's daughters; foster-mothers (Who gave you suck), foster-sisters; your wives' mothers; your step-daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom ye have gone in,- no prohibition if ye have not gone in;- (Those who have been) wives of your sons proceeding from your loins; and two sisters in wedlock at one and the same time, except for what is past; for Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful

 

24. Also (prohibited are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess: Thus hath Allah ordained (Prohibitions) against you: Except for these, all others are lawful, provided ye seek (them in marriage) with gifts from your property,- desiring chastity, not lust, seeing that ye derive benefit from them, give them their dowers (at least) as prescribed; but if, after a dower is prescribed, agree Mutually (to vary it), there is no blame on you, and Allah is All-knowing, All-wise.

[ineeslove]

Johann Sebastien Bach

 

Werner von Braun

 

Charles Darwin

 

Albert Einstein

 

Rudy Giuliani

 

Jessie James

 

Mary and Joseph

 

Aemilia Lanyer

 

Jerry Lee Lewis

 

Sir John A. MacDonald

 

Prophet Muhammad

 

Edgar Allen Poe

 

Christopher Robin

 

Franklin D. Roosevelt

 

Greta Scacchi

 

Queen Victoria

 

H.G. Wells

[ineeslove]

"When the principles of breeding and of inheritance are better understood, we shall not hear ignorant members of our legislature rejecting with scorn a plan for ascertaining by an easy method whether or not consanguineous marriages are injurious to man."

 

Charles Darwin (1871)

[Xemyd]

Well, I'm converted.

 

 

Do what you want. You're cousins after all, you know her better than any of us do.

[ineeslove]

Well, I'm converted.

 

 

Do what you want. You're cousins after all, you know her better than any of us do.

 

Dear brother iam not criticising you or showing rudeness or against your thoughts, iam just saying if it is love then it is what it is.

Iam just here for some advice and help.