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He asked me to drive on our second date ... should I?

the_entertainer1

By the_entertainer1,
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Bigcitydreamer

Bigcitydreamer

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What's the difference between you driving or him driving? You would still be in the car alone with him? A guy I went on a date with a while back picked me up and although we had mutual friends he was still a stranger to me. It's good to be cautious but as many other posters have pointed out, you driving him is not the only way he could hurt you if that was his intention.

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Bigcitydreamer

Bigcitydreamer

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Although I will point out that maybe the red flag part is that he ASKED you to drive. That's a bit forward from someone for a second date. I wouldn't ask someone to pick me up, I'd expect them to offer if they knew I had no way there, not sure why he wouldn't rather find another ride than ask you. Depends on how well you guys know each other I guess. If you talk all the time maybe he felt comfortable enough to ask you.

 

I still don't think it's a huge deal, just a bit weird that he would openly ask that of you.

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writergal

writergal

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I'm not sure why people would advocate for the OP to get in a car with a complete stranger. That's how kids get kidnapped and women get kidnapped and murdered. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the risk involved. If you've only met him once, there's no reason for you to trust him yet. You need to take your time getting to know him, and that means you also have to protect yourself from the unknowns. He could easily have someone drop him off or he could take the bus or train to meet you. And vice versa.

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Bigcitydreamer

Bigcitydreamer

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I'm not sure why people would advocate for the OP to get in a car with a complete stranger. That's how kids get kidnapped and women get kidnapped and murdered. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the risk involved. If you've only met him once, there's no reason for you to trust him yet. You need to take your time getting to know him, and that means you also have to protect yourself from the unknowns. He could easily have someone drop him off or he could take the bus or train to meet you. And vice versa.

 

You have never been picked up for a date before? I have, so that's why I fail to see how this situation is riskier than any other.

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writergal

writergal

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Bigcitydreamer:

 

I only let my dates pick me up or drive me after I get to know them really well. Definitely not on the first few dates. No way. You and I have different values where dating is concerned. No big deal.

 

Besides, the OP's date isn't connected to her through mutual friends. They met online. So your situation is completely different than the OP's.

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writergal

writergal

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Cinnimon, did you read the OP's posts? She said he told her that he can't drive because he has epilepsy. So he can't drive her.

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Bigcitydreamer

Bigcitydreamer

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Bigcitydreamer:

 

I only let my dates pick me up or drive me after I get to know them really well. Definitely not on the first few dates. No way. You and I have different values where dating is concerned. No big deal.

 

Besides, the OP's date isn't connected to her through mutual friends. They met online. So your situation is completely different than the OP's.

 

Good point, meeting online is pretty different than meeting through a friend. I'm not the most careful person really so I'd still probably let him pick me up or drive.

 

OP I wouldn't want to encourage you to get in the car with a stranger and jeopardize your safety. Do what you feel is right. If your worries you can say something like "I totally understand that you can't drive and I'm ok with that. But where we met online, I would feel better not driving you just yet because I've heard of lots of horror stories. I hope that's ok. Is there any other way that you could meet me?"

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Els

Els

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I wouldn't do it, especially as this is a guy you've only ever met and talked to once (as opposed to someone whom you knew prior to dating). This isn't a gender-role issue, btw; I have no issues with women driving the guys, and I would have said the same thing if it had been him picking you up.

 

Insist on public transport, IMO.

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nomadic_butterfly

nomadic_butterfly

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I'm not sure why people would advocate for the OP to get in a car with a complete stranger. That's how kids get kidnapped and women get kidnapped and murdered. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the risk involved. If you've only met him once, there's no reason for you to trust him yet. You need to take your time getting to know him, and that means you also have to protect yourself from the unknowns. He could easily have someone drop him off or he could take the bus or train to meet you. And vice versa.

 

Exactly. You cannot underestimate how deranged people can be or if they develop a sick obsession or have certain mental issues that might make them erratic or have poor reasoning skills. He might just be a regular stand up guy but time has to reveal that. In the meanwhile, safety first. Public transport is the way to go until trust is established. OP sounds very young.

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the_entertainer1

the_entertainer1

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OP sounds very young.

 

I'm 24, but not particularly experienced when it comes to dating. I do have lots of common sense though, and am more mature than most my age. I'm a high school teacher, so deal with many people and usually have fairly good instincts.

 

After much consideration, I've decided that I will drive him to the cinema tonight. If he'd offered to drive me (if he could drive) - I probably would have declined the offer. But I feel ok driving my car. When I've been on dates with other guys, they've never picked me up from my place.

 

Anyway, I'm going with my gut feeling. I started another thread about my Mum, who is a little bit overprotective - she was the one who made me a bit more worried about the whole thing.

 

I've made my decision based on the following points:

 

- I'm driving my car, which allows me to feel more in control.

- We're going to a local cinema, less than 5 kilometres away from home.

- I've told both my parents and a friend, and given them his home address and phone number.

- He lives with his parents, literally 2 streets away.

- I felt comfortable enough to kiss him on our first date (I've never kissed a guy on the first date before!)

- It's really difficult to get public transport from our suburb at the best of times, let alone at night (even though it's only a 20 minute drive to the city centre!)

- He doesn't have Facebook, but went to the same school as some of my friends, so I'm sure we have some mutual friends without knowing it (ok, so this point might be clutching at straws!)

- He coaches Under-12 rugby

- He told me where he works.

 

I think I'm being cautious but trying not to over-think things too much!

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the_entertainer1

the_entertainer1

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Just letting you guys know that I just got home from the date. I did drive him; it was fine. It's good to take precautions and I thank you all for your advice. I felt safe with him though, and had shown my dad his photo and contact details (just in case!) And we're going to see each other again. I just want to take things slowly and get to know each other, and I think he's the same. Anyway, I wanted to say thanks again for being concerned for my safety and offering lots of good advice! :)

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