He asked me to drive on our second date ... should I?

[the_entertainer1]

I met this guy on a dating site and talked to him for a couple of weeks before meeting in person. We spoke once on the phone beforehand and the conversation lasted over an hour!

 

We met up for the first time on Monday afternoon (it's Wednesday night now) and I felt like it went really well. Turns out, he lives around the corner from me! Anyway, we went to a local coffee shop and then walked to a nearby park where we talked some more and kissed a bit. (It was the first time I've kissed a guy on the first date before!) We talked about meeting up again and both expressed interest in it. He said that because he's on holidays right now he was free basically all the time so I should choose a time.

 

He messaged me later that night and again the next day - we discussed going to see a movie on Friday afternoon/evening (movie was his idea, timing was mine). He seemed quite enthusiastic and I felt like we really clicked.

 

Anyway, today's Christmas so I sent him a Merry Christmas text. However, he didn't reply. Now I'm questioning whether he even wants to go on Friday (though he did suggest it) or if I'm reading too much into it. Or, are my expectations that he'd send me a Merry Christmas text too high?

 

Also, I'm the first and only person he's met from the dating site and I want to keep it that way! Any tips? I've found the site to be good for meeting people but don't like how it kind of encourages or is an avenue to just keep looking, just to see what or who else is out there!

[soccerrprp]

How long since the text? I wouldn't worry about it. He may be sleeping in late? Visiting a friend/family during this time and busy?

 

No, your expectation to get a xmas text is not too high.

 

Keep the communication going. Be yourself and be careful. Continue showing interest w/o over-doing it. In the end, there is little you can do to keep this guy to yourself. If he's going to sample what else is out there, no matter how well you two get along, he'll do it if that is his intention.

[the_entertainer1]

How long since the text? I wouldn't worry about it. He may be sleeping in late? Visiting a friend/family during this time and busy?

 

I last heard from him on Christmas Eve, sent him the Merry Christmas text yesterday (Wednesday) early afternoon and now it's Thursday morning and I haven't heard from him. It only takes 30 secs to send a text though!

 

We talked about seeing each other tomorrow night and going to the movies, which he suggested, so his 'silence' now is a bit unnerving!

[Mascara]

Never ever do anything that goes against your gut feeling. It doesn't matter how inconvenient it is.

 

What would you want your best friend or sister to do?

[the_entertainer1]

What would you want your best friend or sister to do?

 

My friends probably would do it! It's hard to distance myself enough from it to wonder. I mean, I think he's fine. I felt comfortable enough with him to kiss him on the first date (which I've never done before), so perhaps that's a sign? Maybe my mum's influencing me too much!

[Mascara]

They probably would, but what would you want them to do? If they told you they were unsure?

[the_entertainer1]

They probably would, but what would you want them to do? If they told you they were unsure?

 

I guess I'd probably tell them not to. I just don't know if I'm projecting my mum's worries onto the situation, rather than looking at it a bit more objectively.

 

And - if I make the decision not to drive him, what do I tell him?

[Mascara]

Isn't it better to be too careful than not careful enough?

 

Tell him your car won't start.

[the_entertainer1]

Tell him your car won't start.

 

That limits my transport options - I have to drive myself!

 

 

Any other comments or ideas?

[newmoon]

I would not drive him. first, for safety. as you said, you don't even know his last name so he really is a stranger. also, it sends a bad message- in that you can be used for transport when he can't do it for himself. if he has epilepsy then he has had to deal with this issue before and (likely) had to get rides or use the bus, so let him be a man and take care of himself. even if he has a medical condition that prohibits driving he should be making an effort to see you, that is basic dating 101. you can still drive yourself, and maybe park farther away so he doesn't see your car, or even have your mom drop you since you've told her the info., but don't give him a ride until you know him better, imo

[Lansing]

Personally, I don't think he should have asked you to drive. If someone offers to drive you that is one thing. If he is planning dates he should figure out dates based on how he can get there (i.e. walking, cycling, etc). Movies aren't great dates anyway and I would save that for weeks down the road. He seems like he could be a good guy so I don't want you to discount him but it is right it is probably better to be safe than sorry. At some point you need to start trusting him and having him be someone "i met off the internet" but I am not sure if now is that point.

 

If you are really set on the movie maybe a friend can drive you guys.. or your mom

[nomadic_butterfly]

I met this guy through a dating site and we had our first date on Monday after talking online for a few weeks, and speaking on the phone once, for over an hour. The date went pretty well (we just went out for a coffee, then walked to a nearby park where we just sat and chatted and kissed - first time I've kissed a guy on the first date!)

 

Anyway, he invited me to the movies this Friday. He's booked tickets but asked if I would drive us there. The reason he can't drive is because he has epilepsy & can't drive for the next few months because he recently had a seizure. He was upfront with this from his second email and rode his bike to our first date. I would not have to go out of my way to pick him up because he literally lives two streets away from me (with his parents, like me.)

 

I think I'm ok with driving but a little concerned about safety. He seems really nice, but he really is still just a 'stranger'. I don't even know his surname!

 

I mentioned him to my mum (for safety) and she was concerned about the fact I met him through a dating site. She got worried about whether he'd seen my car on our first date - her reasoning was that she thought he could go down my street looking for my car to see where I lived, and potentially stalk me. I think she's been watching too much TV but suppose she could have a point! I haven't told her about the epilepsy or no licence thing - she's still dealing with the fact I met him online!

 

Anyway, my question is: should I drive him or suggest we meet there? Even though the cinemas are only a 5-10 minute drive from my place, it's very inconvenient to take public transport or a cab from our area. I don't think I'll tell mum I'm picking him up, but I'll definitely tell a friend for safety reasons (just in case).

 

What do you think?

 

Do you live somewhere that public transport is available? If so, take advtantage of it. Most people won't stalk you for sure but as someone who was stalked by a mentally deranged person whom I befriended and didn't even have a romantic relationship with and met in person and not even online, be very careful!

 

I don't even think you should have told him how close you live and maybe you even mentioned your street name. Since the stalking incident I build trust

Over several dates before divulging where I love specifically, my last name, and place of work. Very vague until I am comfortable and have gauged if I think it is safe to mention specifics. Your mom might seem over protective but never underestimate the intuition of a mother! When my mom meant my stalker she said she can't put her finger on it but something about him doesn't seem right. I dismissed her as being judgmental and dramatic and she was right. I was so young and naive! Merely 18yrs old and he was like 25 but that could be a lie top.

 

You don't know of he has mental/emotional issues that if he misses one day he is a danger. I say it's too soon considering he lives so close and you don't know him well enough yet!

[stillafool]

I

 

What do you think?

 

If you are worrying about being safe why don't you take a friend with you. It's only a movie not really a date, is it?

[ThatMan]

Does he live near the bus routes?

Why not plan a different date along bus stops?

[d0nnivain]

As a rule of thumb safety dictates that you should not let this man in your car.

 

 

I drove a man I met on line on our 1st date. But I have always considered myself a good judge of character. Other stuff I knew about him -- professional etc. -- checked out. It was fine. I drove him a few blocks from a train station to the restaurant because it was raining.

 

 

This guy gave you a legitimate reason why he can't drive. If you do date him, you will drive most often because he can't.

 

 

It's up to you. I would put in a safety plan if you do decide to drive. You text a friend as you get him. You text again when you get to your destination; the friend should know the eta from him to the theater & be willing to call the police with your contact info & license plate # if you don't make it to the theater within 15-30 minutes of your scheduled arrival time. The same in reverse just in case.

[OrangeSnack]

What the. Why schedule a date when you can't even be responsible behind the wheel (directed towards him).

 

Don't drive him. Not just for safety measures but just the fact that he NEEDS YOU to do the tedious work. What's next, "Oh I forgot to bring my wallet, I guess you'll have to pay for dinner."

 

We are supposed to do the chasing. We are supposed to court you. We are supposed to pay (thought I love it when women suggests to pay). We are supposed to do pretty much (within reason of course ) everything to win your hearts.

[melodymatters]

What the. Why schedule a date when you can't even be responsible behind the wheel (directed towards him).

 

Don't drive him. Not just for safety measures but just the fact that he NEEDS YOU to do the tedious work. What's next, "Oh I forgot to bring my wallet, I guess you'll have to pay for dinner."

 

We are supposed to do the chasing. We are supposed to court you. We are supposed to pay (thought I love it when women suggests to pay). We are supposed to do pretty much (within reason of course ) everything to win your hearts.

 

WOW...just wow, extrapolate much ? My late husband had epilepsy and this is a completely valid excuse for not driving, for f-cks sake, he could kill them both by having a seizure behind the wheel.

 

People have taken caution to an insane degree IMO, I mean what if they take a walk in the park and he drags her behind a tree and slits her throat ? What if they are on a balcony or rooftop sort of place and he pushes her off ? What if he puts antifreeze into her fruity drink ? Maybe we all better just stay home, build a moat around it and sleep with an AK.

[d0nnivain]

Your expectations aren't too high. It's OK to want what you want & it would have been nice if he's sent the Merry Christmas text. That said, this time of year makes everybody nutty. You are over reading it & given how enjoyable the date was, one missed text . . . less than a week into your meeting is a silly reason to toss something potentially wonderful.

[KatZee]

OK so is everyone failing to see that this guy has EPILEPSY??

 

I love the people who are saying, "He should be doing the leg work" "Why would he ask you out on a date if he can't drive" "He shouldn't have asked you to drive."

 

He told you straight up from day one, he has epilepsy and can't drive. This is a perfectly legitimate and reasonable excuse why he cannot drive. All you crazy people who would get into a car with a guy who could have a seizure and crash the car are just flat out insane.

 

Obviously if you are dating this guy, know that you'll be doing the driving. It's not as if he's just a lazy slob who refuses to get a license and is too unmotivated to drive, HE JUST CAN'T.

 

You've been talking to him for weeks, you've gone on a date with him, honestly I don't see the issue driving for a date. He lives 2 blocks from you. He's GOING to know where you live regardless of you driving. It's not like if you don't drive he won't figure that out and not have a potential to stalk you. (Which is super paranoid thinking IMO anyway.)

 

Obviously tell people where you're going. Bring your phone, tell your mom what time you will be home, give her his address so she has his information.

 

I personally think it's a lot safer for you to be the driver with a person you don't know as well, rather than a passenger where a psycho could lock you in, and drive you anywhere he so chose. You're the one in charge here.

[OrangeSnack]

Oh. I missed the epilepsy part. My apologies.

 

Well that kind of turns the table. I don't know what to do in that case because I never had that experience. Best way is to follow your gut right?

 

But what if that excuse was made up? The likihood of someone making that up is very LOW and I hate to bring this up. I know I'm a little crazy to think this far. But aren't we talking about her safety? She did meet this guy on the internet. There are a lot of crazy people on the internet (aka me ).

 

Regardless, of his medical conditions or how close they live in proximity, I think it's just safer for her to think about her safety first. That should be her priority. I'm not against her driving but take the safety precautions first. (telephone tell your parents where you're at, constant status update texts to your friends/parents).

 

Have fun

Edited December 26, 2013 by OrangeSnack

[manders_01]

Maybe I'm just too trustworthy but if it was me, I don't know that I'd think twice. I mean the first date my current beau and I had I not only got in the car with him, but I drove his car that night.

 

However, you've already met this person so your gut will lead you. And if its' saying don't do this, than you probably shouldn't. At the same time, you might want to question why you're having the gut feeling and if it's anything more than a request from a relative stranger, there might be a bigger issue.

[FitChick]

Dating involves meeting STRANGERS. It's not like the cops won't know where to find this guy if he tried something. Give your mother his address. I admire the fact that he revealed highly personal information so early. However, if you plan to date him, take a first aid course so you know what to do when he has a seizure.

 

Actually, now that I think of it, there was a story on the news about a medical procedure where something was implanted in the brain to prevent seizures.

[writergal]

Just because he tells you he has epilepsy doesn't necessarily mean that's true. You met him through an online dating website, so you need to take precautions until you have spent enough time with the person and can really trust them.

 

Do not volunteer to drive. Take the bus or train and meetup halfway between both of your locations for your next date.

 

If your gut feelings tell you not to drive, then listen to your gut feelings. It doesn't matter how much of an inconvenience it will be for this guy. You don't know that he really has epilepsy unless he were to show you his medical records and medication he takes to prevent seizures. Yes that's a bit dramatic, but if I were in your shoes I would be more safe than sorry.

 

Tell him that you changed your mind and suggest that you both take the bus or train to meetup. Just be honest. If you start off hiding your true feelings from someone that you like, that doesn't bode well for how the rest of your relationship will go. Just say, "I changed my mind and don't feel comfortable driving just yet. Why don't we meetup [city] via bus or train instead?" If he's a decent person, he'll agree without any argument or complaint. And definitely give your mother the address of the location where you'll meet him.

 

Always better to be safe than sorry.

[the_entertainer1]

I'm a 24 year old woman who lives at home with my parents and two brothers (aged 22). I've been to uni, have a full time, permanent job and am saving up to buy my own place. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents but they're getting on my nerves lately!

 

I've never had a boyfriend. I think I've been 'scared' (not exactly sure of what) and consequently never really let anyone get close to me and focused on study during high school (even though guys did ask me out!). I joined a dating site a year ago, to meet new people. I consequently went on multiple dates with 2 guys that I told my family about. I DIDN'T tell my family about HOW I met them (but told a friend for safety).

 

I recently met another guy and after emailing for a few weeks and talking on the phone once (but for over an hour) we went on our first date on Monday. I had to tell Mum (otherwise she'd've wondered why I was going out when she needed help at home to get ready for Christmas) and she got a bit worried. I told her it was fine - she'd even suggested online dating to me recently!

 

Anyway, the date went well and I had a good time with the guy. We're going out again tonight, this time, to the movies at a cinema that's 10 minutes from my house. I'm driving myself and he's asked if I can drive him (he lives 2 streets away and has a medical condition so can't drive at the moment). I let Mum know I was going to the movies and she suggested that I have a friend sitting somewhere else in the cinema for safety! I'm nearly 25! I told her I was driving myself (but omitted the fact that I'm going to pick him up on the way).

 

I know she cares about me, and is just worried about my safety, but how am I meant to live my own life when she is being so overprotective and (perhaps unknowingly) instilling fear in me.

 

How do I deal with her?

[d0nnivain]

If you can't move immediately, at least tell her less.

 

 

the sooner you move, the better off you will be.