Going slow and not looking for anything serious??

[JNelson]

Hey guys, I'm going to try to make this short but I have feeling it wont be.

So my friend and I (not technically my girl friend anymore so idk what to call her) started our relationship in May at the end of our senior year of high school. She is/was my first girlfriend and I'm her second boyfriend. Like you would expect with a new relationship we were all over each other. May, June, and July were amazing. We hung out literally everyday or every other day. We had the same classes together but even when we graduated she still wanted to hang out with me all the time. Her best friends who were her family friends had to leave out of country for a month in June so she had no one but me to hang out with which was fine with me because I love seeing my girlfriend everyday. Once her best friends came back in July she stopped hanging out with me a lot but we still hung out a few times a week which was fine with me. I'm not the kind of person who gets jealous if she isnt with me all the time, I know people have their own lives. Once August came she stopped seeing me. We went a whole month of not seeing eachother. We still texted a lot but she didnt make an effort to see me and I cant see her a lot sometimes because I dont have a car yet and she does. Then September came and she said she wanted a “break” and take it slow. This was as shock to me because we were doing so well earlier. I knew August was an awkward month because she got sick and other things but I didnt make a deal out of it.

So after the shock of that and talking for a while we decided to go slow. She means a lot to me and I want to do whatever it takes to make sure the decisions we make help our relationship for the better in the long term. But we both stressed to eachother we “aren’t broken up” we are together, but not labeling it right now. I was sad but fine with it because I was ready for the relationship. So after a month and a half of not seeing eachother (but still texting daily) her birthday came up and since I am a videographer and editor I decided to make her a really heart warming video for her birthday. Once she saw, she was really touched and emotional. A few days later she said for her birthday she wants for us back together like “boyfriend and girlfriend again. She said she didnt want to loose me and take to long to ask.

To me I was excited to hear that because I though she got the time she needed and was ready like I was. So again for the next two weeks things were great, then... she didnt want to make an effort to see me for another month even when I ask her constantly if she wants to go out with me or anything. Then the one time we did see each other we didnt hold hands or do anything that shows we are together. I know she is able to because she went out with her friends all the time. I even ditched a once in a three year trip to california to stay back with her and we didnt even see eachother.

Once I confronted her about this a few weeks ago she said that she isnt looking for anything serious and we should take it slow with no label... again. So now its back to no label. We technically arent boyfriend and girlfriend but we are still “together”. She says that she wants to be with me but take things slow with no label...again. So I dont know what to do now because she means a lot to me and we've been going slow for almost six months now out of the nine months we’ve been together. I want a successful relationship out of us but she just keeps throwing me around with her feelings. When she feels like being couple with me we are together, when she doesnt feel like being with me, we arent. And that messes with my emotions too. Having to change mindsets all the time to fit her feelings. Also as a side note should I be worried if she is really flirty with her family friend? They’ve known each other since they were small but everytime she posts a picture of them together they are holding hands or holding eachother like a couple... I cant even do that with her and we are together lol. She told me “they do it as a joke” but now literally any photo they put up they are touching eachother in a way where I'm even concerned and I really dont get that jealous of people. I know I'm not alone on this because her ex hated it too. I know I'm probably being a jealous boyfriend but I cant help that feeling of being ignored for another guy (who is holding her hands, ect)

All in all, I want to be in a successful relationship with her and when I see her I'm super happy but a lot of the time she makes me more sad than happy because I get stood up alot with plans and because she cant make up her mind with her own feelings. Should I start to back off if she told me she isnt looking for anything serious? She loves me and I love her and she wants to be with me but I feel like a make a much larger effort to make our relationship work than she does. Basically she cares a lot about me and not as much about our relationship if that makes any sense lol So now we are "together" like a couple, but not labeling it like a couple.

I know I probably seem like a jealous A-hole but I'm just posting how I feel. There is a lot more to it that is really unfair but I wont post unless needed. I just want both of us to be happy. All opinions are wanted.

[JNelson]

Oh and to add to my post. We never fight, argue or ever get mad at each other. We are both very sarcastic and our personalities are what brought us together. She also broe up wih her ex for me. which sounds odd but I know she has no feelings for him because he was... well an A-hole and almost hit her a few times when he was drunk. But I know I'm not close to perfect and I could improve on myself but I know I am ready for a relationship. My life is set on what I'm doing and I have the time and willingness for her.

But she is just hard to understand when it comes to relationships and her life. She doesnt want me around her parents or around her family friend (the one she holds hands and holds all the time) when she is allowed around my mom and friends whenever she pleases. I asked her if I can hang out with them so I can get to know him and she said she doesnt want me around him because he's "weird with new people" which is fine I guess but I think there is something more. Idk I just hate how I feel like im in a long distance relationship when we live five minutes away. I put in a lot of work to get barely get anything back. Ill dedicate my whole day for her and she wont show up or she'll have a excuse like "I dont want to get out of my car to buy gas so we can hang out next weekend." After I ditched plans with my friends for her... and that happens a lot like 50% of the time. Half the time I get stood up which sucks. But I dont get mad I just suck it up but as you can tell now I'm a little irritated.

[Kizza]

The key words are "I am not looking for anything serious right now"

 

This means I am not interested in a serious relationship with you.

 

You are currently a victim of unrequited love. Not a nice place to be. In fact you are torturing yourself with the misplaced concept that there could be something there as she clearly disrespects you and your feeling right now. The worst thing is.......... you allow it.

 

Stop and you will eventually become a happier person and find someone who reciprocates your feelings. Life is so much better then, it really is! Take back the power from her and you'll be right

[JNelson]

Thank you for your response. I know she cares about me and she loves me but she say she is scared to say it. I think you are right but I also feel there still could be something good that comes out of it. I just don't want to throw the relationship away and then regret it months later.

I might just give it a little bit more time and if she still doesn't change then I will pull the plug on us and I hope she will come to her senses on how much Im doing for her. I'm the happiest guy when she is around but then it's overwhelmed by her rules for the relationship. I'm a sensual guy and I like to hold hands and cuddle up like most people but when it want to the thought of not being able pops into my head and it makes me sad to be around her. She acts like I'm just her friend rater than we are a couple. I understand best friends are what makes couples together too but when there is nothing sensual between us people would mistake us for just being friends