MasonJarTeaDrinker Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Just go out as friends, please do not date women that you aren't sexually attracted to though it's bound to end bad sooner or later. Trust me. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 My current bf seems crazy about me. BUT, I am not a great beauty and most men probably find me very plain/average. Therefore, why would I expect my boyfriend to have been all that attracted to me? I just don't expect even a guy who is crazy about me to find me all that attractive; because I am not attractive to most men, since I am just the average gal. Look. How can you possibly expect someone else to find you attractive (I guess you don't), when you say this about yourself. Men and women both are attracted to someone with some self-confidence and self-esteem. I suggest you, like myself, spend some time working on this. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And if you shoot down some guy who honestly is very attracted to you based on your statements above, you are f*cking yourself good. Let the guy decide what he feels about you. Don't decide for him. Geeez!!! 1
somedude81 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I may get flack for saying this, but I think there's a big gender disparity here. Women can grow to be attracted to a man over time; men, generally, do not become attracted over time when there is no attraction to begin with. If some male poster has a different experience, tell me I'm wrong, so that I can update my theory. That situation has happened to me. Several years ago there was a skinny black girl that I used to work on my on campus job with. Her face was passable, I didn't like her hair and she didn't have any curves, meaning no boobs or butt which is most definitely not my type. We started spending time together outside of the job and off campus, and I eventually fell for her. She turned me down and wouldn't let things go beyond friends, which I'm now grateful for. I can't imagine being in an actual relationship with her. I much rather be in a relationship with a woman whose body drives me crazy.
Leigh 87 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Look. How can you possibly expect someone else to find you attractive (I guess you don't), when you say this about yourself. Men and women both are attracted to someone with some self-confidence and self-esteem. I suggest you, like myself, spend some time working on this. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And if you shoot down some guy who honestly is very attracted to you based on your statements above, you are f*cking yourself good. Let the guy decide what he feels about you. Don't decide for him. Geeez!!! I like to believe that my boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful on the inside, for the fact that I love helping others and am extremely giving. I don't think guys would necessarily be attracted to me from the moment they laid eyes on me. Surely men have to grow to find most women attractive in their eyes? Most of us are very plain looking and therefore we can't expect our partners to be attracted to us from the start. I do like myself as a person. I wouldn't change my personality even if I had a magic wand. I'm proud to be me. The problem is.... about 3 guys since my ex all said I was drop dead gorgeous to them. I believed them at the time, since I am a thin blonde and I have a nice smile. I was so flattered. Then 2 of them disappeared on me. Oh, 1 was overseas and changed his mind about me. I believe the women who all tell me I am attracted. Strangers and friends and also friends of friend. However, you can see why I don't believe men:lmao:
emva07 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 i'm currently in a similar situation with a friend, except for the fact that I do think he is cute and we do have a lot in common....am I crazy about him? no. So maybe it's best I leave that alone, but ugh! dealing with the "what ifs" makes it so hard! I need to get over him quick! As he most likely doesn't see me as more than just a friend. 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I don't think the OP should bother with this woman since he isn't really into her personality. My boyfriends fell for me based on the person I was and how I interacted with them! Then I'm sure the " finding me attractive" business came about due to them falling for me for NON superficial reasons. The OP has nothing to go on here.... he doesn't seem to find her to be inspirational or all thwt remarkable. . Or even that interesting:lmao:
Woggle Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 This is the male nature. The attraction needs to be there from the start...other traits dont make up for what you lack in your appearance. Like it's any different the other way. What do you think women mean when they say he is nice and sweet but there is no spark. It means there is no physical attraction. 2
somedude81 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 This is the male nature. No, it's human nature. The attraction needs to be there from the start...a girl's personality/character traits dont make up for what she lacks in appearance. OP, do you want to end up stuck in a relationship with somebody you arent attracted to much and whose body doesnt drive you nuts? If not, ask out women you ARE attracted to. So you wont be like him later down the line... Did you even read the post that you quoted? What part of me saying that I fell for her despite her not being my type do you not understand?
Woggle Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Woggle Id prob date you in real life if you werent married so chill. My boyfriend is nice and sweet plus there are sparks. It happens both ways though...you never dated a woman who was objectively pretty but you werent feeling it? I had sort of a casual thing with a woman that looks like a model and she wanted to marry me. I said no because her personality would have driven me insane.
somedude81 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 somedude, yes I did. That girls body didnt "drive you crazy" and you said youd rather have that. I don't understand what your issue is. My ex had a rockin body and just watching her get changed was enough to turn me on. The same probably would not have happened for the other girl if we had dated. I had very strong feelings for both of them.
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 However, you can see why I don't believe men:lmao: ^^Entirely different issue!!! If I were interested in a girl and physically attracted to her, yet she came across as not believing or not accepting how I felt, it would be a huge turn OFF and would proceed no further. Think you are HOT. Know you are HOT!! Men find that a turn ON...
Bigcitydreamer Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I may get flack for saying this, but I think there's a big gender disparity here. Women can grow to be attracted to a man over time; men, generally, do not become attracted over time when there is no attraction to begin with. If some male poster has a different experience, tell me I'm wrong, so that I can update my theory. That's an interesting theory, I wonder if its true. I wasn't overly attracted to my bf at the start but he was so nice and had other great qualities I have him a chance. Then I grew to find him very handsome as I got to know him more. It would be weird if it wasn't the same way for guys.
GoodOnPaper Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I guess the idea that most people's partners will be "meh" about them seems odd to me. But then again I think many people just date anyone who likes them, doesn't matter if they are not attracted to them or have no common interests or values. But for me it's not something I could do or have ever done and every man I've been with made it abundantly clear he was more than "meh" about me so it's just a weird thing to think of as the norm. Welcome to the world of guys with few or no options. Most women can take the meeting/attraction phase of dating for granted but for guys it's a different story. This is the phase that divides the "successful" from the "unsuccessful". It would be great to get dates with women that we're infatuated with on a regular basis, but when options are few and far between sometimes one has to choose between infatuation and a girl whose willing to date him. The most dangerous part of this for the OP could be figuring out how to handle things if she likes him more than he likes her. That can be very difficult for a guy who is used to rejection from women. 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 ^^Entirely different issue!!! If I were interested in a girl and physically attracted to her, yet she came across as not believing or not accepting how I felt, it would be a huge turn OFF and would proceed no further. Think you are HOT. Know you are HOT!! Men find that a turn ON... But where's the line between being conceited and accepting of the fact you're " hot" A lot of people tell me I'm attractive , but I don't want to go and.... think I'm "hot" haha. I do believe my boyfriend means it! I try never to deflect compliments. I do sweetly thank people rather than say " no way man, I'm not pretty, I look like crap today" I have never encountered the problem the woman in the OP is facing; being with a guy who is not into me on ANY level. Necris, the OP, probably shouldn't bother with her past the second or third date if he's STILL not even close to eing into her !
Monm82 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I've heard this a lot: The more time a guy spends with a woman, the more attracted to her he becomes, and the less she does.
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