Necris Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Recently I asked out a girl I know as a friend of mine and she says, "sure why not" so I'll take that as a yes. Unfortunately however I'm not all that physically attracted to her and since I've known her we have no common interests as far as I can tell by hanging out with her and at times kind of annoying. Though I asked her out anyway (shotgun approach to talking to women) and its not like I have any options in the first place or any options in the foreseeable future. Maybe I'm just overthinking this, its not like I have even had the date yet. Is this a bad idea?
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Just go out with her. Your attraction to her doesn't matter...
ThaWholigan Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Well, I understand why you did it, but could potentially cause problems if she can pick up that you aren't attracted to her. Maybe you should try talking to women you actually are attracted to. Don't worry about options too much. 1
emva07 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Give it a try. You never know. Could be the love of your life. If not tell her it's not working out and that's that.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Just go out with her. Your attraction to her doesn't matter... LOL. Do what you feel OP, maybe you'll like her
verhrzn Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 No. If you're not attracted to her physically and don't even really dig her personality, you're wasting her time and yours. Leave her alone and go ask out women you actually have some interest in dating. Guys have done this to me and it's given me a major complex. Please don't do it. 3
Conners Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I've heard physical attraction isn't that important.. it is to me but a friend of mine said that she wasn't that attracted to her ex boyfriend at the start and she grew to love him. They broke up a year ago and she's still not over him.. so who knows. I guess it comes down to how much you like her personality 1
Author Necris Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 (edited) LOL. Do what you feel OP, maybe you'll like her I've heard physical attraction isn't that important.. it is to me but a friend of mine said that she wasn't that attracted to her ex boyfriend at the start and she grew to love him. They broke up a year ago and she's still not over him.. so who knows. I guess it comes down to how much you like her personality I'm still definitely going on the date unless she cancels it (feel it would be pretty rude to cancel a date before even giving it a try especially being the initiator of the whole thing) if I start dating maybe I'll grow more attracted and perhaps the date could be fun. I do already know a bit about her personality since I've known her for a few months unfortunately I don't really find her personality all that attractive. Edited December 26, 2013 by Necris
Author Necris Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 what motivated you to ask her out? Feel like I have really no options presently or in the foreseeable future, plus truthfully I wasn't expecting her to say yes, and I rarely go on dates anyway my last one was a year ago since I'm always rejected.
Eggplant Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I've heard physical attraction isn't that important.. it is to me but a friend of mine said that she wasn't that attracted to her ex boyfriend at the start and she grew to love him. They broke up a year ago and she's still not over him.. so who knows. I guess it comes down to how much you like her personality I may get flack for saying this, but I think there's a big gender disparity here. Women can grow to be attracted to a man over time; men, generally, do not become attracted over time when there is no attraction to begin with. If some male poster has a different experience, tell me I'm wrong, so that I can update my theory. 3
emva07 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Then I would say wait it out and don't go out if there isn't some sort of attraction at all.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Feel like I have really no options presently or in the foreseeable future, plus truthfully I wasn't expecting her to say yes, and I rarely go on dates anyway my last one was a year ago since I'm always rejected. Then I'd say go for it, she might be good for you. I mean no offence but if you're being consistently rejected when authentically trying she might be right for you.
Mariposa10 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 The problem here is not that you're not attracted to her physically, but you don't even like her personality. You used the word "annoying" when describing how it feels like hanging out with her. You must be super bored right now if you're willing to put up with all this. I don't think I could. 3
Eggplant Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Do not allow her, via omission of the truth, to believe that she has a chance with you long-term, unless she does. Personally, I hate having to extrapolate myself from situations. The further in you go, the harder it is to get out. 2
Leigh 87 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 My ex was not all that into my physical appearance yet he liked my personality enough to stay with me for nearly 3 years; he loved hoe nicely I treated him. He liked my generosity and kindness towards him and others. He was attracted enough to enjoy sex with me. Even though he didn't exactly look at me and think " wow she is beautiful" Thing is, I Am an average gal, and I am NOT beautiful to most guys. Only ONE man has truly thought I was beautiful, look wise. And he was madly in love with me... Look. The truth is, MOST of us will NOT meet partners who are all that attracted to us at first. MOST of us have to meet partners who are " meh " about us initially, and have to "grow" to become madly attracted to us.
devilish innocent Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Eh, I had several guys do this to me when I was younger. I could tell they'd ask out a number of women to get practice dating or just in the hopes that they'd happen to click with one. I'd usually agree to it because I wanted to practice socializing with people whenever possible. Chances are you guys will probably just spend a couple of hours together having an okay time. No big deal. Based on her response to you, it doesn't sound like she's particularly interested either, so most likely there won't be any major consequences to the date.
d0nnivain Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 It's one date, not a lifetime commitment. Do whatever date activity you enjoy . . . see a movie, have dinner. . . whatever. If you are still not attracted to her. at the end of the evening, say goodnight & move on. Don't do anything of a sexual nature
MissBee Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Recently I asked out a girl I know as a friend of mine and she says, "sure why not" so I'll take that as a yes. Unfortunately however I'm not all that physically attracted to her and since I've known her we have no common interests as far as I can tell by hanging out with her and at times kind of annoying. Though I asked her out anyway (shotgun approach to talking to women) and its not like I have any options in the first place or any options in the foreseeable future. Maybe I'm just overthinking this, its not like I have even had the date yet. Is this a bad idea? I'm uncertain why you would ask out a woman you're not attracted to and with whom you have no common interests What are you hoping to gain?
MissBee Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 My ex was not all that into my physical appearance yet he liked my personality enough to stay with me for nearly 3 years; he loved hoe nicely I treated him. He liked my generosity and kindness towards him and others. He was attracted enough to enjoy sex with me. Even though he didn't exactly look at me and think " wow she is beautiful" Thing is, I Am an average gal, and I am NOT beautiful to most guys. Only ONE man has truly thought I was beautiful, look wise. And he was madly in love with me... Look. The truth is, MOST of us will NOT meet partners who are all that attracted to us at first. MOST of us have to meet partners who are " meh " about us initially, and have to "grow" to become madly attracted to us. I'm not really sure about this. Every man I've been with genuinely thought I was beautiful/hot. I could tell by how they looked at me and the fact that they told me all the time. I think I'm pretty. Other people tell me I am. However, I'm sure I'm not everyone's cup of tea but at least for the man I'm with he needs to be among the bunch who genuinely find me attractive. I guess the idea that most people's partners will be "meh" about them seems odd to me. But then again I think many people just date anyone who likes them, doesn't matter if they are not attracted to them or have no common interests or values. But for me it's not something I could do or have ever done and every man I've been with made it abundantly clear he was more than "meh" about me so it's just a weird thing to think of as the norm.
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I may get flack for saying this, but I think there's a big gender disparity here. Women can grow to be attracted to a man over time; men, generally, do not become attracted over time when there is no attraction to begin with. If some male poster has a different experience, tell me I'm wrong, so that I can update my theory. I agree. Not sure about the woman part, but I do believe guys are either physically attracted or not. It really doesn't change. So, if there's no physical or personality attraction to begin with, it probably won't change. At least that's my experience... 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Look. The truth is, MOST of us will NOT meet partners who are all that attracted to us at first. MOST of us have to meet partners who are " meh " about us initially, and have to "grow" to become madly attracted to us. Glad to see you're back with your pearls of wisdom. This is total BS!! 1
Author Necris Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 It's one date, not a lifetime commitment. Do whatever date activity you enjoy . . . see a movie, have dinner. . . whatever. If you are still not attracted to her. at the end of the evening, say goodnight & move on. Don't do anything of a sexual nature I'm not intending to have sex anyway, I believe that's reserved for marriage. My main concern was that we are friends so I don't want to lose friends if things don't go well. But you're right I'm just overthinking things its just a date its not like im marrying someone . I'll try to make the date as fun as possible whatever happens happens.
Leigh 87 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Glad to see you're back with your pearls of wisdom. This is total BS!! I think I give a lot of good advice on here. I was just a bit delusional about my ex... I thought he loved me more than he really did. I advise all women and men to only bother dating people they are crazy about and really into. My current bf seems crazy about me. BUT, I am not a great beauty and most men probably find me very plain/average. Therefore, why would I expect my boyfriend to have been all that attracted to me? Obviously, average women like myself get guys who are really into us for our PERSONALITIES and personal style and sh*t.... I just don't expect even a guy who is crazy about me to find me all that attractive; because I am not attractive to most men, since I am just the average gal. The OP is obviously going out with yet another average woman like myself, so isn't it fitting that MOST WOMEN get men who ARE NOT thinking " omg she is sooo attractive" when they first lay eyes on them? I think the OP is experiencing something normal. I don't expect men who date me to think I am attractive initially, because I am simply not attractive to most men since I am average looking. I feel that guys who are into me are so because of how we get along, our chemistry and other personal attributes about me they really appreciate and enjoy. Aren't most women like the one in the OP? I mean, most men who date us are really into us for our personalities and they will not think we are gorgeous or attractive at first?
Leigh 87 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I'm not really sure about this. Every man I've been with genuinely thought I was beautiful/hot. I could tell by how they looked at me and the fact that they told me all the time. I think I'm pretty. Other people tell me I am. However, I'm sure I'm not everyone's cup of tea but at least for the man I'm with he needs to be among the bunch who genuinely find me attractive. I guess the idea that most people's partners will be "meh" about them seems odd to me. But then again I think many people just date anyone who likes them, doesn't matter if they are not attracted to them or have no common interests or values. But for me it's not something I could do or have ever done and every man I've been with made it abundantly clear he was more than "meh" about me so it's just a weird thing to think of as the norm. So. Plenty of people tell me I am attractive, including the guys I have dated. They said I was gorgeous and pretty, too. That doesn't mean these guys thought " wow she is attractive" upon first sighting me! They probably conversed with me for a while before noticing that I have a few very nice features ( I have nice teeth, lips skin and big blue eyes) so THEN they must "notice" that I have some nice features and are, therefore " pretty" to them. I doubt these guys are anything other than "meh" or indifferent about my looks upon their first interaction with me! I am sure, like MOST average girls, that they only start to find me attractive once they get to KNOW me! THEN they look at my strong points, physically speaking. When we really like a person we grow to find them attractive, as long as we are not repulsed to begin with. I am fairly certain that they would have met me, thought I was a fun/warm and interesting person to talk to, and THEN , later on, thought: " I really like this girl... To ME she is attractive, based on our chemistry and her personality, and how well it clicks with my personality" GROW is key here. However, you MUST at least admire the person and find them somewhat inspiring! I was not that attracted to my ex at all! I did not find him physically attractive. Yet, he was a fun and cool person to be around, so he ended up being the most attractive man to me, as I grew to love him.... The OP is not that into this girl on ANY level, therefore it is unlikely he will ever grow to find her attractive.....
Recommended Posts