Chatmonkey Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 This question has always lingered on my mind even before I was in my first relationship. If things go south in a relationship, if we did the things that they do in the movies like keep sending them flowers or try to do all these other romantic things even when they say no... in real life would it start to be viewed as an unhealthy obsession? I must say it did affect how far i went in fighting for my girl when she left, I did fight.. but at the same time i didnt want to be viewed as obsessed or some crap. What are your guys thoughts on this? How far did/would you go in fighting (like keep doing romantic things to try win her back) even when they keep saying no?
innocentbutterfly Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 (edited) Sadly, we are just fooling ourselves and making our process longer. I still am in this stage, though I deny it to myself. But my ex told me plain and simple, not his words but how it was seen 'Whatever I do now doesnt matter, and I can do it without feeling bad, because I dont see you as my lover anymore. I see our relationship as we had something and it finished' They MOVE ON. There is no other stop. Plain and simple, yet painful. But that's what their mind and heart does. No gift will bring them back if they dont want and they moved on like this. We are just being losers doing it. I'd know, I did my fair share of begging, crying, sending him a gift, trying to contact and sound the way I thought he would like it. It's not working. I can stand upside down and on my eyelashes, look the hottest I ever could and he won't care. Only sexually maybe as he said, but generally They DON'T CARE ANYMORE, IT'S FINISHED FOR THEM. That's it. Edited December 26, 2013 by innocentbutterfly 1
goflyakite01 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Sadly, we are just fooling ourselves and making our process longer. I still am in this stage, though I deny it to myself. But my ex told me plain and simple, not his words but how it was seen 'Whatever I do now doesnt matter, and I can do it without feeling bad, because I dont see you as my lover anymore. I see our relationship as we had something and it finished' They MOVE ON. There is no other stop. Plain and simple, yet painful. But that's what their mind and heart does. No gift will bring them back if they dont want and they moved on like this. We are just being losers doing it. I'd know, I did my fair share of begging, crying, sending him a gift, trying to contact and sound they way I thought he would like it. It's not working. I can stand upside down and he won't care. They DON'T CARE ANYMORE IT'S FINISHED FOR THEM. That's it. +1 - Let it go. The other person has moved on.... you need to do the same. I get the whole "fighting" for them thing, but it's honestly not needed. A healthy relationship doesn't need to be "fought" for. If you are contemplating ways of getting them back, you're really only trying to sooth your pain. Getting them back doesn't work 9 times out of 10. It makes you look desperate. Move on with your life, learn and grow from it. 1
Author Chatmonkey Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 I appreciate your thoughts - This is not about me trying to get her back tho. i've accepted it ended long ago. This is primarily a hypothetical question that i've always just wondered about in general tbh
johan Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I don't see obsession as what "fighting for someone" becomes when it goes too far. I think that is called harrassment, and it isn't hard to identify. Essentially when you become an annoyance and start doing possibly illegal things to get her attention, you're there. She shouldn't be forced to reject you outright more than twice. It could be fine to persist after the first rejection if you think there is still something there. But the second rejection is the most you should expect from her. And even that might not be pretty. But if you persist until a third is required, she'll either be completely irritated or completely freaked out. She'll prefer to avoid you at all costs, and if that doesn't work then expect an unpleasant confrontation if not with her, then maybe with her friends, or the bouncer or whoever will make it clear to you and easy for her.
kat1012 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 If they still want to be in the relationship, these will not be viewed as obsession. It is when they dont want to in the relationship or dont love you anymore and you do all these things, they find it annoying and called you being obsessed. I learnt this from my last relationship, I still dont think I am that obsessed during our last month since I only saw him 2 times a week, never asked for more, and never texted crazy like many times a day. but in the end when he broke up with me, he also said I am getting obsessed with the relationship... When there're signs implying they dont want you anymore, just leave them be and give them space, if they really still want you, they will come back. The more you do to fight for them, the more you push them away, and they really will check themselves out of the relationship. And I now find a lot of romantic movies are pretty bullsh*t. some are good movie-making, but don't learn anything from them if you hope to improve real-life relationships.
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