LostConfused123 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 This will more than likely sound pathetic and completely counterproductive. I am sitting here feeling so numb and heartbroken, almost like how I felt the first few days after he left me. It's been 8 weeks hardcore NC and thought I was getting so much stronger and even starting to get over him. I really thought I would be okay today. I am with family and friends and had a great Christmas. All I want to do is cry...UGH!!! WHY???? I have a huge lump in my throat and I have to keep leaving the room so my family doesn't notice. God!! enough already!!!! I just want to be OVER IT!!!! I guess I'm not near as far in my recovery as I had hoped. I think a small part of me wanted him to find a way to contact. WOW!!! This is becoming so "real" 1
David87 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 This will more than likely sound pathetic and completely counterproductive. I am sitting here feeling so numb and heartbroken, almost like how I felt the first few days after he left me. It's been 8 weeks hardcore NC and thought I was getting so much stronger and even starting to get over him. I really thought I would be okay today. I am with family and friends and had a great Christmas. All I want to do is cry...UGH!!! WHY???? I have a huge lump in my throat and I have to keep leaving the room so my family doesn't notice. God!! enough already!!!! I just want to be OVER IT!!!! I guess I'm not near as far in my recovery as I had hoped. I think a small part of me wanted him to find a way to contact. WOW!!! This is becoming so "real" Be strong, I know it's hard, I'm only at week two of NC and I dreamed my ex 3 nights in a row. Today I almost cried two 1
BC1980 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 There seems to be a pattern around here of people hitting a bump around 2-3 months of NC. I actually had a semi breakdown after about 2 months NC where I became very nostalgic and contacted my ex. It was very counterproductive of course and set me back. I think around this time, you hit that stage where you realize it really is over. You get an initial NC high, but it soon gives way to a reality check. It's the grief process. I'm sorry. I have questioned so many times "why me?" Why do I have to go through this? Why did I pick the bad apple when others did not? I have no answer other than its just life. 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 I'm home now. Most of the family was leaving anyway. I have a major lump in my throat and can't stop crying. I certainly didn't expect this!! I feel like such an ungrateful little brat! I have so many blessings and so much to be thankful for yet I'm so distraught over a man that let me get away. This is crazy. I am so sad. I can't wait for this to end. I hope everyone reading is doing as well as can be expected and having a nice holiday. 1
BC1980 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Don't apologize. Emotional pain can be debilitating. People tell you to move on and ask why you would go back to someone who left you. It's not so easy. It's awful really, and the emotions are very overwhelming. You are up agsinst a lot of emotions right now, and you really have to face them and work through them unfortunately. 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 Don't apologize. Emotional pain can be debilitating. People tell you to move on and ask why you would go back to someone who left you. It's not so easy. It's awful really, and the emotions are very overwhelming. You are up agsinst a lot of emotions right now, and you really have to face them and work through them unfortunately. Thank you! yeah, so weird how it sneaks up on you. One day I feel strong and confident and I will even go so far as to say hopeful for my future and then suddenly I got hit with such a feeling of despair and loneliness. I suppose it's good. Obviously, I have more pain that I must release. hence the tears and feelings of being torn limb from limb. To the other posters that replied to me. Thank you and my heart goes out to you as well. I can't wait until we can all overcome this horrific nightmare! it just doesn't seem real. I feel like I'm going backwards. I feel like I'm being prodded with an emotional hot poker that hurts like a b!tch!! if that makes any sense at all. 1
margot13 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 I'm home now. Most of the family was leaving anyway. I have a major lump in my throat and can't stop crying. I certainly didn't expect this!! I feel like such an ungrateful little brat! I have so many blessings and so much to be thankful for yet I'm so distraught over a man that let me get away. This is crazy. I am so sad. I can't wait for this to end. I hope everyone reading is doing as well as can be expected and having a nice holiday. Don't be so hard on yourself. Love grief is one of the worst pains you can go through. I am usually not a hippy trippy type of person, but was also having bursts of pain and decided to try meditating. I actually downloaded an app for the phone, and it kind of worked. At least it made me focus my mind on something other than my ex for awhile. Maybe try that? 2
Itspointless Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 (edited) I am with family and friends and had a great Christmas. All I want to do is cry...UGH!!! WHY???? Happiness reminds us of our sadness. Usually after a short moment of high we land back on earth where we are reminded by the whole spectrum of our emotions, not only the neutral state we most of the time unconsciously choose to be in so that we can cope with life. Good thing is that happiness gets a fuller meaning if it is fuelled with our lived knowledge of our pain, sadness, despair, etc. It makes us realize what we have to be happy about. Many times when I am happy I get struck with the fact that I can not share it with one of my parents who died by a disease when I was a teenager. Remembering is valuable just as being aware that we can be happy again. Edited December 25, 2013 by Itspointless 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 Happiness reminds us of our sadness. Usually after a short moment of high we land back on earth where we are reminded by the whole spectrum of our emotions, not only the neutral state we most of the time unconsciously choose to be in so that we can cope with life. Good thing is that happiness gets a fuller meaning if it is fuelled with our lived knowledge of our pain, sadness, despair, etc. It makes us realize what we have to be happy about. Many times when I am happy I get struck with the fact that I can not share it with one of my parents who died by a disease when I was a teenager. Remembering is valuable just as being aware that we can be happy again. Wow! never thought of it like that but yeah, you're right. Last night the family was at my mom's. She made a wonderful dinner, decorated the house beautifully, the wine was flowing, everyone laughing, music in the background, laughter everywhere. But I kept "remembering" oh yeah, something is missing! wtf?!?!? It was absolutely "perfect" I think I kept thinking "you fool!!! see what you are missing out on!!!" Guys, I don't want to care anymore!!! I can't take this much longer. I just want a fatal stab to the heart so I can heal. Not this slow death from a thousand cuts!!! 1
OnlyHonesty Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Embrace your sadness when you can get some time alone to truly do so.
Itspointless Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Wow! never thought of it like that but yeah, you're right. Last night the family was at my mom's. She made a wonderful dinner, decorated the house beautifully, the wine was flowing, everyone laughing, music in the background, laughter everywhere. But I kept "remembering" oh yeah, something is missing! wtf?!?!? It was absolutely "perfect" I think I kept thinking "you fool!!! see what you are missing out on!!!" Guys, I don't want to care anymore!!! I can't take this much longer. I just want a fatal stab to the heart so I can heal. Not this slow death from a thousand cuts!!! With time it will be better. 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 Embrace your sadness when you can get some time alone to truly do so. Okay, I have that now. f###!!! it hurts!!!!! this can't be real!!!
Author LostConfused123 Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 I hope so, since it's Christmas. Please God, grant me this one miracle!!!!! Let me get over him!!! I'll do anything!!! (please God!!)
goflyakite01 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I just joined after reading your thread and had to say something. I'll tell you exactly how to get over this and hopefully it'll work for you. The one and only thing that will help move you forward is this.... you have to abandon any and all hope of ever conceiving of getting back together again. It has to be an absolute complete detachment of the idea that you will ever be a couple with this person.. EVER... again. It's my guess, that a part of you is hanging on to the idea that there is a chance, however slim, of getting back together. Abandon the idea. Throw it out. Once you do this, then you will be able to move on. Trust me on this. I know of what I speak.
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I just joined after reading your thread and had to say something. I'll tell you exactly how to get over this and hopefully it'll work for you. The one and only thing that will help move you forward is this.... you have to abandon any and all hope of ever conceiving of getting back together again. It has to be an absolute complete detachment of the idea that you will ever be a couple with this person.. EVER... again. It's my guess, that a part of you is hanging on to the idea that there is a chance, however slim, of getting back together. Abandon the idea. Throw it out. Once you do this, then you will be able to move on. Trust me on this. I know of what I speak. And please explain how you MENTALLY do this?? You could make millions if you share your secret... 2
goflyakite01 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 A lot of us get this attitude after a breakup that we have to get them back at any cost to stop the pain from hurting. So our minds get attached to ideas of every conceivable way to accomplish this goal. But what you're really doing is prolonging the agony by this attachment process. If you want to win them back, DO NOT TRY TO WIN THEM BACK. The attitude of trying to win them back only pushes them away and creates more anxiety and attachment. If you make the conscious choice to surrender and give up on the relationship, you can then slowly begin to relax and detach. Just give up. Surrender. It's a mental process that will work if you commit to allowing the relationship to die.
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 A lot of us get this attitude after a breakup that we have to get them back at any cost to stop the pain from hurting. So our minds get attached to ideas of every conceivable way to accomplish this goal. But what you're really doing is prolonging the agony by this attachment process. If you want to win them back, DO NOT TRY TO WIN THEM BACK. The attitude of trying to win them back only pushes them away and creates more anxiety and attachment. If you make the conscious choice to surrender and give up on the relationship, you can then slowly begin to relax and detach. Just give up. Surrender. It's a mental process that will work if you commit to allowing the relationship to die. I have tried that. I have tried everything. But my heart always goes back to him. In the midst of a breakup, everything about your ex is right in front of your face, you can't see your way around it. Everything is about them. Honestly, I think in time we learn to let go. Because the longer the time goes by, the more you realize your chances of getting back together are getting slimmer and slimmer until one day the clouds fade away and you can see more clearly...they aren't coming back. It's about time, not hope.
lostsoul4286 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Don't be so hard on yourself. Love grief is one of the worst pains you can go through. I am usually not a hippy trippy type of person, but was also having bursts of pain and decided to try meditating. I actually downloaded an app for the phone, and it kind of worked. At least it made me focus my mind on something other than my ex for awhile. Maybe try that? Meditating has helped me cut down the moving on process. We broke up December 2nd. By the time she decided to tell me there's no chance in the heavens we were getting back together (Two days ago), I felt a short time of pain, and then relief. Mindful meditation really does help, but only if you've already attained the skill and discipline. Learning how to clear the mind when your already under duress is like being told to learn Beethoven's 5th symphony in 20 minutes with a gun to your head, with no prior piano knowledge.
goflyakite01 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I have tried that. I have tried everything. But my heart always goes back to him. In the midst of a breakup, everything about your ex is right in front of your face, you can't see your way around it. Everything is about them. Honestly, I think in time we learn to let go. Because the longer the time goes by, the more you realize your chances of getting back together are getting slimmer and slimmer until one day the clouds fade away and you can see more clearly...they aren't coming back. It's about time, not hope. I hear what you're saying.. just keep in mind, if "your heart always goes back to him", yours cannot start to mend. I didn't say it would be easy, but trust me, once you completely let go (let go, let god), you'll feel soooo much better. You can cut down on the time of the pain, but only if you truly let them go. There is relief in surrendering. You need to convince yourself he is NOT coming back. He has moved on and has let go. He left the relationship for a reason which does not matter at this point. Once you do the same, you'll begin to feel better. It doesn't sound like you're ready to let go.
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I hear what you're saying.. just keep in mind, if "your heart always goes back to him", yours cannot start to mend. I didn't say it would be easy, but trust me, once you completely let go (let go, let god), you'll feel soooo much better. You can cut down on the time of the pain, but only if you truly let them go. There is relief in surrendering. You need to convince yourself he is NOT coming back. He has moved on and has let go. He left the relationship for a reason which does not matter at this point. Once you do the same, you'll begin to feel better. It doesn't sound like you're ready to let go. He isn't coming back and he has let go. He blocked me and I moved out. It's over. But I love him so much, and I feel like I'm mourning a death. It's amazing how someone can just stop caring about you like that.
goflyakite01 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 He isn't coming back and he has let go. He blocked me and I moved out. It's over. But I love him so much, and I feel like I'm mourning a death. It's amazing how someone can just stop caring about you like that. Been there, done that. I know the pain all too well and it took years for me to come to the truth of getting over these things. I hear your pain... and I know it totally sucks right now and I know it feels like a death. He hasn't stopped caring, but has moved on. He did his processing while he was still with you so it seems to you that he quit cold turkey and doesn't care, when in fact, he has already processed. You're hanging on too tight. As we say down here in Texas... "You're gonna have to put some "blood in the saddle" and "hug the cactus" until you decide, enough is enough, and consciously decide it's truly over and let him go so you can heal. Good luck to you... I'll send some positive vibes your way. Hang in there.
loveiswar101 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I just joined after reading your thread and had to say something. I'll tell you exactly how to get over this and hopefully it'll work for you. The one and only thing that will help move you forward is this.... you have to abandon any and all hope of ever conceiving of getting back together again. It has to be an absolute complete detachment of the idea that you will ever be a couple with this person.. EVER... again. It's my guess, that a part of you is hanging on to the idea that there is a chance, however slim, of getting back together. Abandon the idea. Throw it out. Once you do this, then you will be able to move on. Trust me on this. I know of what I speak. I too would love the secret, 3 weeks since BU, 1 day NC and would love to know that secret of how you abandon the idea, emotion etc. I love her with all my heart, I know we will never be together again, but again I love her...
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 Been there, done that. I know the pain all too well and it took years for me to come to the truth of getting over these things. I hear your pain... and I know it totally sucks right now and I know it feels like a death. He hasn't stopped caring, but has moved on. He did his processing while he was still with you so it seems to you that he quit cold turkey and doesn't care, when in fact, he has already processed. You're hanging on too tight. As we say down here in Texas... "You're gonna have to put some "blood in the saddle" and "hug the cactus" until you decide, enough is enough, and consciously decide it's truly over and let him go so you can heal. Good luck to you... I'll send some positive vibes your way. Hang in there. I wish it were as simple as you say it is...I really do. I understand the mind is very powerful. But hope is there because we still love that person. You can't just stop loving them over night. I'm glad it worked for you though.
Salvatore85 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 He isn't coming back and he has let go. He blocked me and I moved out. It's over. But I love him so much, and I feel like I'm mourning a death. It's amazing how someone can just stop caring about you like that. Socks- I'm going on almost a year now and the holidays have been rough to say the least. My first Christmas without her in 6 years and it hit me hard, I got a bit emotional which is kind of rare for me. I wonder all the time how she just completely forgot about me, just moved on like I never meant anything after so many years but I can't come up with an answer. I can't give you an answer of why he doesn't care or when it will get better but I'm willing to bet it will. Trust me, I'm worn out but I'm still fighting because I know in the end I was great to her so things will workout in my favor. Socks you seem like a real catch and you're pretty to boot. You care so much and someone will come along that will appreciate that about you. It takes time, for some of us a lot of time but we will all survive it. I'm pulling for you socks because you seem like a good person, keep your head up.
margot13 Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I have tried that. I have tried everything. But my heart always goes back to him. In the midst of a breakup, everything about your ex is right in front of your face, you can't see your way around it. Everything is about them. Honestly, I think in time we learn to let go. Because the longer the time goes by, the more you realize your chances of getting back together are getting slimmer and slimmer until one day the clouds fade away and you can see more clearly...they aren't coming back. It's about time, not hope. I so understand what your going through. I am believe me no expert and also really really hurting after also feeling I have lost my deepest love. But also got so sick of myself for wasting days just wanting someone who obviously at the moment or will never want me. It sounds like an old cliche but is working for me, go to the gym, or start getting active with something you have been putting off for years. It sometimes takes me hours to drag myself out of the house and do it but I do, and always feel better afterwards. And suprising to myself I out of desperation decided to teach myself meditation, I was desperate for some mental relief. And to my suprise it does give some. There are some great on line free programs for beginners. And basically good luck with the constant missing battle all us heartbroken go through. I agree with you it is also time that wins it....
Recommended Posts