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What do you do when you don't hear from the MM/MW on a holiday?

Cocochai

By Cocochai
in The Other Man / Woman

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Cocochai Established Member

Cocochai

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One of the reasons I was happy when we were NC because during holidays you don't have to wonder if they will reach out or, just send a simple text greeting.

 

Mines has always sent a greeting, to the point where I'm not even looking to hear from the MM and he surprises me. But when they don't, do you just shrug it off or, feel like they haven't thought about you once and if they try to reach you the next day you just ignore.

 

It's a cat and mice game and of course their with the family but how did you handle if they didn't reach out? And reached out the next day like "

Oops sorry" :rolleyes:

bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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I would take it personally, I'd be pissed and I'd make sure they know it. Although holidays aren't important to some people, if they are to you, the MM/MW should know it and act accordingly. Although, as I always say, I expect contact daily, holida or not. That's nonnegotiable.

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Cocochai Established Member

Cocochai

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I would take it personally, I'd be pissed and I'd make sure they know it. Although holidays aren't important to some people, if they are to you, the MM/MW should know it and act accordingly. Although, as I always say, I expect contact daily, holida or not. That's nonnegotiable.

 

I would def take it personal if he didn't as well.

blue963 Established Member

blue963

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HELP what would you do? Ok heres a good one. We have been in a relationship 5 years (we are both married) he has no children but I do have children. He also has no siblings. For only children, losing parents is so different when you are close to them. We have always chatted christmas eve night new years eve night and christmas day night after everyone has gone to bed.

 

My predicament is he is having a tough time with the holidays as mother passed 5 years ago and father passed in Jan 2013. So first christmas without them both. Very very close, spent lots of time together plus lived right next door. Thanksgiving was hard for him.....and told me that he is apologizing in advanced in case he acts stupidly over christmas because of it. Thursday night he did have a melt down. Contact has been sparse even though I know for fact he worked all weekend and then 14 hrs on monday.

My question to you. Yesterday, chatted very briefly in morning and he wasn't himself. I asked him if he would prefer if I left him alone...said either way. (that hurt) not like him. Didnt chat last night (christmas eve) He did send me email saying that hopes I have wonderful christmas eve with my family. Sent merry christmas email this morning.

 

I dont know how I should act if I dont hear from him tonight. Even if its just short I dont care. It is that I know he misses me and thinking of me. If I dont hear from him should I just distance myself and make him work and sweat?

 

I have a war in my head. Half of me says blow him off and half of me says that I need to be compassionate. What would you do? I understand hes hurting, but I still have feelings and deserve some sort of respect dont I?

Edited by blue963
bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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He sent you a merry christmas e-mail this morning or you sent him one?

 

Either way, I think you need to be compassionate and maybe go a little above and beyond what you normally would. If you sent him an e-mail this morning and he didn't respond, I'd probably just send another saying I was thinking of him and hoping today went okay for him or something to that effect.

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Cocochai Established Member

Cocochai

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HELP what would you do? Ok heres a good one. We have been in a relationship 5 years (we are both married) he has no children but I do have children. He also has no siblings. For only children, losing parents is so different when you are close to them. We have always chatted christmas eve night new years eve night and christmas day night after everyone has gone to bed.

 

My predicament is he is having a tough time with the holidays as mother passed 5 years ago and father passed in Jan 2013. So first christmas without them both. Very very close, spent lots of time together plus lived right next door. Thanksgiving was hard for him.....and told me that he is apologizing in advanced in case he acts stupidly over christmas because of it. Thursday night he did have a melt down. Contact has been sparse even though I know for fact he worked all weekend and then 14 hrs on monday.

My question to you. Yesterday, chatted very briefly in morning and he wasn't himself. I asked him if he would prefer if I left him alone...said either way. (that hurt) not like him. Didnt chat last night (christmas eve) He did send me email saying that hopes I have wonderful christmas eve with my family. Sent merry christmas email this morning.

 

I dont know how I should act if I dont hear from him tonight. Even if its just short I dont care. It is that I know he misses me and thinking of me. If I dont hear from him should I just distance myself and make him work and sweat?

 

I have a war in my head. Half of me says blow him off and half of me says that I need to be compassionate. What would you do? I understand hes hurting, but I still have feelings and deserve some sort of respect dont I?

 

 

Give him some space people grife differently and it can take years to handle the stress of a loved one being gone.

 

8:54... Mines finally contacted me to only say "Merry Christmas". I want to say something smart yet sarcastically back rather the Merry Christmas. Any ideas??

blue963 Established Member

blue963

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He sent me an email and I didn't respond yet. I was busy making breakfast.

 

yesterday my reply to his wishing me a nice evening was "said extra prayer for you tonight hope you sleep well." I dont even think that he read it...no mention of him receiving it. I guess this is triggering some other things about sparse contact at other times. Think this is why Im feeling conflicted about this.

blue963 Established Member

blue963

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I think I would respond very upbeat and say thanks...it was my best christmas ever....hope yours was too!

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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He sent me an email and I didn't respond yet. I was busy making breakfast.

 

yesterday my reply to his wishing me a nice evening was "said extra prayer for you tonight hope you sleep well." I dont even think that he read it...no mention of him receiving it. I guess this is triggering some other things about sparse contact at other times. Think this is why Im feeling conflicted about this.

Then I think you are in the wrong if you don't reply. I honestly don't understand the thought process there. You don't know that he didn't read that e-mail and he DID e-mail you today (which I guarantee some OW/OM would be thrilled with) so I don't see any reason that you wouldn't respond. I'd be very hurt if I told my lover merry christmas and they didn't respond. It's not just a "normal" day unless you don't believe in it/celebrate it.

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Cocochai Established Member

Cocochai

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He sent me an email and I didn't respond yet. I was busy making breakfast.

 

yesterday my reply to his wishing me a nice evening was "said extra prayer for you tonight hope you sleep well." I dont even think that he read it...no mention of him receiving it. I guess this is triggering some other things about sparse contact at other times. Think this is why Im feeling conflicted about this.

 

Were you in the middle of a NC?

 

I hadn't heard from mines since last Fri but I know his BS family was in town so I pulled back but.. I can only take but so much. I hate waiting around to see if he's going to contact me but not only that... Everyone under the sun contacts me for the holiday and he's text is the very last one .

 

I ended up sending " thought u forgot about me, enjoy rest of ur time off text"

 

He prob said to himself "I did almost forget".. I'm still pissed. Major attitude why? Because I don't ask him for much or anything but I always seem to be there when he needs me. I think I'm coming to my breaking point seriously.

blue963 Established Member

blue963

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cocochai - understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I feel like they think you will always be there for them. Such a line to walk between trying to maintain some sort of connection but having yourself treated with respect.

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blue963 Established Member

blue963

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sorry....no we are not in NC. In fact, less than one week ago he was trying to make plans to see each other over this next week. Which sits a little funny with me at this point because I would kind of feel used for the physical.....we have had about 1 hr total of contact over the past week. Maybe I make all of this more complicated than it is....

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Cocochai Established Member

Cocochai

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sorry....no we are not in NC. In fact, less than one week ago he was trying to make plans to see each other over this next week. Which sits a little funny with me at this point because I would kind of feel used for the physical.....we have had about 1 hr total of contact over the past week. Maybe I make all of this more complicated than it is....

 

Okay you have to understand it takes years to recover from loved ones passing away. It comes in waves as well where one second their fine for months and then, especially around the holidays they break down again. Where they really don't want to be bothered at times. I'd say just respect his space and keep letting him know your there for them.

 

It would help if you told him how your feeling during all of this just to be on the same page.

 

And your right there is a fine line but I never ask him for anything but I know he takes advantage of it... Well he is but I refuse to have my feelings hurt at the same time. I don't like pretending I'm ok either which is why I told him I thought he forgot about me. Propel send texts more then anything and your Just now sending me one???

 

Not even sure if he senses my annoyance which pisses me off even more.

Edited by Cocochai
blue963 Established Member

blue963

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Yes I get that grief is a hard thing. I lost my wonderful Dad 13 years ago, and I was there to support him when he lost his mother. Probably what bothers me most is that I am thinking that he has time to spend with the W, buy gifts for her, go visit her family, etc. Guess that is probably my issue here.

 

So sorry that you had that happen to you today. If I were in your shoes i would be annoyed too that he waited until this evening to text you. Texting & emails take seconds to do. I think it is more that they thought about you than anything.

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Cocochai Established Member

Cocochai

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Yes I get that grief is a hard thing. I lost my wonderful Dad 13 years ago, and I was there to support him when he lost his mother. Probably what bothers me most is that I am thinking that he has time to spend with the W, buy gifts for her, go visit her family, etc. Guess that is probably my issue here.

 

So sorry that you had that happen to you today. If I were in your shoes i would be annoyed too that he waited until this evening to text you. Texting & emails take seconds to do. I think it is more that they thought about you than anything.

 

You should def tell him how ur feeling then! Most guys are not good reading between the lines they like it straight and to the point when it comes to how your feeling.

 

I should be taking my own advice but right now, I feel like telling my MM to F' Off times 10.

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