Came across this article online while doing a search for something

[flowingmane]

How to Know He Loves You: Stress Him the Hell Out

 

Thought it applied well to my fellow OWs. Interested in thoughts?

[chelsea2011]

Interesting article. I would like add that same goes for the man who hides who he really is out of fear of rejection or whatever. Male or female just be yourself and let each other decide if the match is a good one or not. If not, move on to find the one that is.

[ElectricTangerine]

I agree with the message. You shouldn't pretend to be someone else in a relationship because it really serves no purpose. Nobody, nobody benefits from it. Especially not the person pretending. Or consistently biting their tongue. I think that's one of the main problems why OW-MM relationship can be so troubled... He's pretending, she's biting her tongue.

[bentleychic]

I never pretend to be someone else. I'm all right out there. I think A's are pretty stressful situations, anyway, though. With that said, I don't hide who I am and what I'm feeling any more than I would in a regular relationship (i.e not at all). Take me as I am or walk away so someone else can.

[krazikat]

I agree with the message. You shouldn't pretend to be someone else in a relationship because it really serves no purpose. Nobody, nobody benefits from it. Especially not the person pretending. Or consistently biting their tongue. I think that's one of the main problems why OW-MM relationship can be so troubled... He's pretending, she's biting her tongue.

 

:confused:

I am pretty sure that the main reason OW-MM relationships have problems us because one or both are already in and remain in a relationship with their spouse. Being actively married to someone else tends to interfere....

[ElectricTangerine]

:confused:

I am pretty sure that the main reason OW-MM relationships have problems us because one or both are already in and remain in a relationship with their spouse. Being actively married to someone else tends to interfere....

 

Well yeah, that goes without saying... I meant besides the painfully obvious part.

[Baby123]

Well I sure as hell am a stressful, high maintenance girlfriend and I have never hid that... Haha

[Got it]

Um yeah, I always stated I was a high maintenance mistress. I have never been one to change or soften any part of me. I will give as good as I get but you better believe I am asking for a lot.

 

So yeah, going light, easy and no pressure just isn't my style. Even as my husband he stills says "I drive him crazy".

[krazikat]

Well yeah, that goes without saying... I meant besides the painfully obvious part.

 

Ahhh, okay, gotcha.

 

I do agree that honesty is probably not at the forefront of the affair relationship in most cases. The MP will likely want to keep ap invested and will do/say things to foster this and the AP as well may do the same to keep MP invested in the affair. The AP doesnt want to be too "wife-like" and may accept behaviors they would normally not accept just to keep MP's attention...and vice-versa etc. etc.

 

There is also a significant difference in how men and women deal with things. Many men can play whatever role is needed to get some tail without true investment...heck, there are women like that, too. If they become involved with someone who could never even imagine doing that to someone, that person will likely become an easy target and very hurt, while the role player may believe everyone plays roles to get what they want...and I think these issues impact ow/m and mp relationships as well as regular open relationships. Cheaters suspect everyone of cheating!

 

Okay, I am rambling now....

[flowingmane]

Ahhh, okay, gotcha.

 

I do agree that honesty is probably not at the forefront of the affair relationship in most cases. The MP will likely want to keep ap invested and will do/say things to foster this and the AP as well may do the same to keep MP invested in the affair. The AP doesnt want to be too "wife-like" and may accept behaviors they would normally not accept just to keep MP's attention...and vice-versa etc. etc.

 

Wow. That would be sad. Anything my MM did repeatedly that I found objectionable or hurtful, I said something about. He has occasionally done that to me also, although usually more bluntly. If we don't communicate openly about our relationship (something my MM needs to improve upon, I freely admit), then the odds are stacked strongly against us.

[krazikat]

Wow. That would be sad. Anything my MM did repeatedly that I found objectionable or hurtful, I said something about. He has occasionally done that to me also, although usually more bluntly. If we don't communicate openly about our relationship (something my MM needs to improve upon, I freely admit), then the odds are stacked strongly against us.

 

Well, keep your senses about you. He is already showing you that he has poor coping and communication skills by cheating on his wife with you. Do not ignore that fact. Too often I see threads where ow simply are not facing the issues MM has with himself and put too much focus on the wife...that is a big mistake!

[flowingmane]

Well, keep your senses about you. He is already showing you that he has poor coping and communication skills by cheating on his wife with you. Do not ignore that fact. Too often I see threads where ow simply are not facing the issues MM has with himself and put too much focus on the wife...that is a big mistake!

 

It's a little more complicated on his end and how this came about (me initiating, not him), but I do agree it's not all about the W and the D. The limerance stage came and went a couple years back - believe me, we both know we are flawed individuals who have baggage from previous relationships. Nothing like having an A and trying to improve your relationship skills concurrently...