robyncat Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Hi everyone - quick question here. I broke up with my ex 3 weeks ago. I am over it and do not want him back. However, he is a good person and I still care about him. Last time we spoke (1.5 weeks ago, initiated by him) he was very upset and I assume still is at this point. So - do I send him a "Merry Christmas" text? I don't want him to think I'm not thinking about him, or that I don't care, but I also understand that this could just be seen as giving him false hope. What's the general consensus?
looneymalooney Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 You could just send : "Merry Christmas ! Take care of yourself !". I think he'll get what's in your head... if you aren't expecting anything and the break-up is still fresh, it would be a nice thing to do Merry Christmas
Shaine Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 You wont be doing him any favor by contacting him. Please, if you want him to move on, dont greet him. You will just send him false hope. 8
headinthecloud Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Bad idea. Texting out of guilt is a breadcrumb and will only hurt him more. If you've moved on then let him do the same and go NC. Merry Christmas. 2
Simplysimon Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Let him be ...leave him alone...if he was that good you wouldn't have left him 4
2fargone Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 You're over it... in 3 weeks. No, don't wish him anything. 1
nerd Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 The only thing I ever want to hear from my dumper is that she wants me back. If that never happens I'd rather never hear from her again 3
dreamingoftigers Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 You might be over it. He's going to be suffering with it for months or possibly years. Leave him alone. Contacting him over Christmas (while your intent is good) is going to feel like "Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah you can't have me around for Christmas because you're that loser I dumped. Sucks to be you all alone."
somedude81 Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Hi everyone - quick question here. I broke up with my ex 3 weeks ago. I am over it and do not want him back. However, he is a good person and I still care about him. Last time we spoke (1.5 weeks ago, initiated by him) he was very upset and I assume still is at this point. So - do I send him a "Merry Christmas" text? I don't want him to think I'm not thinking about him, or that I don't care, but I also understand that this could just be seen as giving him false hope. What's the general consensus? Wow, that sounds exactly like my story. If you weren't in BC I'd think that you were my ex. No, don't text him, it would only give him false hope. 1
Oberfeldwebel Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 He wants to hear from you so bad he can't stand it right now. But contacting him will say, there is still hope and he will hang on to that hope, instead of healing. Contacting him only makes you feel better about you, so if you care for him as you say that you do, LEAVE HIM ALONE. 2
veggirl Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 i want to cyber shoot her if there only was an option as a button. lol/ merry christmas friend, That's f*cked up. I feel bad for dumpers who dare enter this board, you all are so bitter over being dumped that you flip out on anyone who breaks up with someone else. OP, don't text him, it'll give him false hope for sure.
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 And to all the dumpees out there....this is WHY your ex contacts you! "Because you are a good person, but they don't want you back and are OVER IT" Remember that. Oh yea and OP, leave him be. 8
organizedchaos Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Let him be ...leave him alone...if he was that good you wouldn't have left him Bolted for truth. Hated when my ex said that to me. 2
billyjotomas Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Hi everyone - quick question here. I broke up with my ex 3 weeks ago. I am over it and do not want him back. However, he is a good person and I still care about him. Last time we spoke (1.5 weeks ago, initiated by him) he was very upset and I assume still is at this point. So - do I send him a "Merry Christmas" text? I don't want him to think I'm not thinking about him, or that I don't care, but I also understand that this could just be seen as giving him false hope. What's the general consensus? Ha perhaps i have my answer for my own relationship...why would you contact him when you dont want to be with him? To me its stringing him on...why dont u want to get back with him>
billyjotomas Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 And to all the dumpees out there....this is WHY your ex contacts you! "Because you are a good person, but they don't want you back and are OVER IT" Remember that. Oh yea and OP, leave him be. this post has hit me hard
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 this post has hit me hard I'm sorry :-( It's true though, something we have to accept. My ex blocked me from everything. Went cold on me. And I did nothing to him, but be good to him. 1
billyjotomas Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 I'm sorry :-( It's true though, something we have to accept. My ex blocked me from everything. Went cold on me. And I did nothing to him, but be good to him. where you from? Did he ever contact you again>
Itspointless Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Let him be ...leave him alone...if he was that good you wouldn't have left him In retrospect I can see also little signs of avoidant behaviour even before life made it too hard for her to accept my caring. I doubt that she is capable of changing. A kind message would be nice though.
rosedl Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 If he is heartbroken, he is going to take any contact as hope that you might still be thinking of him and want to resume the relationship. It will be.....she texted me. She is thinking of me. Does she miss me? Does she regret the breakup? Spare him this futile cycle. I agree. Until both people have TRULY moved on, it is no good to have ANY contact.
Author robyncat Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 Wow, some of you are vicious. Especially the person who wanted to "cyber shoot" me? Let him be ...leave him alone...if he was that good you wouldn't have left him It's really frustrating to come on here and be vilified for the perfectly legitimate decision I made. I broke up with my ex because - although he is a lovely and sweet person - he was not a great boyfriend and I wasn't happy with him. Being a good person and being a good partner are not the same thing. I agonized over my decision to break up with him for months - literally the only thing that kept me from doing it was the thought of hurting him. I couldn't stand it. I still can't stand it, and the amount of guilt that I feel for breaking up with him is massive. Yet, I'm a much happier person now, and he is free to find a girlfriend who will be happy with him. Yes, he's hurt, but I'm pretty sure it would hurt more if I were calling off our engagement in a few years, or asking for a divorce in a decade. We both knew it wasn't going to work long-term and he chose to ignore it while I chose to make the difficult decisions and play the bad guy. And yet, when I come here and ask a question that is 100% about doing what's right for him (letting him know I'm thinking about him on a holiday vs. continuing NC and letting him move on) I have people judging me and questioning me for ending the relationship? Not all dumpers are evil, bad people. Not all dumpees are innocent victims of a sociopathic ex whose sole purpose in life is to shatter hearts and ruin lives. I ended a relationship with someone I cared about deeply because I was not, and could not be, happy with him. And I asked this question because I wanted to do what was best for him. Thanks for those of you who get it and gave your two cents. I won't text him. Merry Christmas! 3
Itspointless Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 If you think it does not raise any hopes with him, I say would say text him. As I said, I would like to receive such a message.
Mondmellonw Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 If you think it does not raise any hopes with him, I say would say text him. As I said, I would like to receive such a message. But what do you expect? Why would you like it?
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