dates admitting to one night stands

[deathandtaxes]

because a person shouldn't be judged by their past mistakes.

 

 

Whoah slow down here. Whoever said one night stands are a mistake? That's a bunch of holier than thou crap. Lots of judgmental bs here. You all just assume they are mistakes. People aren't allowed to own their body and use it in a way they wish? Two people can't come together and **** for ****'s sake? What ****ing century is this???

 

 

peace to you all on this day

Edited December 25, 2013 by deathandtaxes

[Aquanut]

Which is worse? A one night stand or a 5 month stand?

 

When I had my ONS it was her idea to go to my room and do it. Was she using me? If so, I was quite willing. Was I using her? Maybe we were using each other? No feelings for each other? Nope. We barely knew each other's name and both knew we'd never see each other again. It was all about SEX. Casual sex.

 

I also had a 5 month stand with someone. It was all about SEX. Casual sex. We even agreed going in that it was only about sex and we'd have to break it off if we developed any feelings. Neither of us were ready for a relationship with snyone but why not be a sex buddies? It was her idea but I was a very willing partner.

 

Who were we hurting in either case? We certainly weren't hurting each other. We were each getting what we wanted at the time. Were we hurting our future partners? Please. I'm not interested in being with someone who is judgemental about my past or feels a lot of shame about sex.

 

The ONS came before a 17 year marriage. There was no infidelity in that marriage. Clearly the ONS said absolutely nothing about whether I was long term material or not. The 5 month stand came after the marriage. And it didn't end until I had met someone I was interested in having a relationship with. I've been with her 14 months.

[Keenly]

I'd lose all respect for my date if I found out she is a hypocrite with one night stand double standards too.

 

So its okay for you to have a few and not say anything, but if he ever had one you lose all respect?

 

Good luck with that.

[ThatMan]

How old are you?

It's hard to tell and I think your age brings context.

 

Go for whatever floats your boat. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being discerning. But it is incredibly rotten to judge people for the very same actions you've participated in yourself. I'm not going to lie and sugar coat it - Not very many people are going to be okay with that.

[regine_phalange]

I'd be annoyed with the fact that he would share that with me, but not because he did it. I just don't want to know!

[ShyGuy5]

I'd be annoyed with the fact that he would share that with me, but not because he did it. I just don't want to know!

 

So you would rather just throw everything in the closet and have the appearance of a clean house instead of actually cleaning the house. Out of sight, out of mind might work for the short term, but if you are trying to hide something, then it is only a matter of time before you get exposed.

[regine_phalange]

So you would rather just throw everything in the closet and have the appearance of a clean house instead of actually cleaning the house. Out of sight, out of mind might work for the short term, but if you are trying to hide something, then it is only a matter of time before you get exposed.

 

I never ask anybody about their previous sexual partners. I think its a very private question. Brings a weird vibe which may linger for long. I don't want to know these things. They are not going to make a difference, at least as long as he is sincere about seriously liking me. What am I, a judge? I don't care about his mistakes, if I like him I take the package and that's it. He may voice his preferences when it's the two of us, but not through examples from the past, if you know what I mean.

[ShyGuy5]

I never ask anybody about their previous sexual partners. I think its a very private question. Brings a weird vibe which may linger for long. I don't want to know these things. They are not going to make a difference, at least as long as he is sincere about seriously liking me. What am I, a judge? I don't care about his mistakes, if I like him I take the package and that's it. He may voice his preferences when it's the two of us, but not through examples from the past, if you know what I mean.

 

If it got brought up what would you do?

[regine_phalange]

If it got brought up what would you do?

 

It does get brought up, and I just interrupt and ask as a favor that I don't want to discuss previous sexual experiences with someone I am interested in. Mind you, it's the specific examples I am talking about, not general likes and dislikes.

 

I have never had one night stands and I am generally a prude, nothing to hide from my date. At the same time I just don't share this kind of information about my self with my dates and I don't want to know the other person's information either. All the times someone told me about past experiences, I felt like his buddy. Not very sexy.

[Leigh 87]

If you know who you are, then why are you holding back from your partner. Those ONS made you who you are today. There is no shame in it. Just like someone with a criminal history, people can learn from their past mistakes and change. I understand the show me sentiment, but without others giving him a chance, then how is he supposed to show it? You can't show that you can be a stable member of society with a job if no employer is willing to hire you.

 

 

He knows.

 

He has had 10 sexual partners. I have had WAYYYYYY more.

 

He knows this.

 

However, there is absolutely NO NEED for me to elaborate on exactly HOW many dudes I did, within a set span of time.

I told him, though not in any detail; he said he doesn't like to hear about me and my past experiences, as he doesn't really like having to think about me with other men:sick:

 

" yeah babe, and that time in Berlin, in the hostel, I did two guys in two consecutive nights, and on the third night I got with a dude but only went as far as petting, no sex"

 

 

I feel embarrassed and ashamed that, due to being heartbroken over my long term ex breaking up with me, I let loose and had TWO ONS on my European and Russian holiday.

 

The thing is, telling a guy this WITHOUT him prompting you is weird.

It simply never really came up for us, until I asked him about his numbers.

He told me. I told him I had slept with many more than he had.

He didn't care.

I am very tight in the vagina department, which every single guy has commented on and some have even been alarmed (at how tight)

So luckily for me, guys who find out I have had a high number of sexual partners, first of all; they don't make the automatic " loose vagina" correlation (not that this is even scientifically based! Women are BORN loose or tight).

My bf was shocked to know that I had slept with a lot of guys. Because my vagina is very tight.

 

And secondly, the men who meet me NOW can SEE through my ACTIONS that I am not into ONS.

I don't go out to clubs or bars, bar once or twice a year.

I don't DO ONS.

I make a point to say things like " it would be lovely to meet the right person"

I don't flirt or entertain their male friends I am introduced to.

There is nothing about my value system or the way I currently live my life that is indicative of me having a "slutty" 5 months out of 10 GOOD years of ONS free living.

 

 

 

I have gotten tested after my ONS period. I am clean. I got bloods done and I was tested for everything.

As far as I am concerned, as long as I did the responsible thing and got tested to know that I am SAFE, then why tell guys I was slutty for a 5 month period of my adult life?

 

.................................................................

 

 

If I were to tell a guy how bad the 5 months truly were, they would likely conclude that I was not girlfriend material.

 

I believe I AM girlfriend material.

I DO NOT think there are ANY negative implications of my slutty phase.

I AM NOT more likely to cheat. I am fiercely loyal to my partners.

 

I don't think my promiscuous 5 months of my 10 years as a mature adult, mean I am likely to cheat or screw around again.

I tried ONS and a few casual encounters and I HATED IT.

BY trying it out, I learnt I didn't in fact ENJOY ONS and slutty behaviour.

 

 

 

 

Why rule out a partner who would otherwise fall head over heels for me and be made VERY happy by me, by informing him that " I was slutty"

 

5 slutty months. Out of 10 GOOD, ONS free years. Is THAT a reason to RUIN my chances of finding a decent guy to settle down with?

[Leigh 87]

So you would rather just throw everything in the closet and have the appearance of a clean house instead of actually cleaning the house. Out of sight, out of mind might work for the short term, but if you are trying to hide something, then it is only a matter of time before you get exposed.

 

 

 

HAHA!

 

Only there is no EVIDENCE I was promiscuous. Because I am NOT that sort of person on a fundamental level.

 

I slept around for 5 months out of TEN YEARS of being in committed relationships!

 

It is Ludacris to think that mere 5 months will somehow manifest itself?

[Leigh 87]

See, personally, I have far less trust of those people who go through "phases" than anyone who's open to one night stands or whatever. Because, who knows what the crap their next "phase" is going to be. Westboro Baptist Church? It reeks of instability, IMO. I'd rather have someone who's more sexually open than flip-flop morals over their lifetime.

 

 

I have good morals thanks. I don't lie, cheat or steal. I treat everyone wonderfully.

 

I know who I am and I know what I like and dislike.

 

I like committed relationships. I disliked ONS - I actually didn't derive ANY pleasure from them. I got zero good feelings from them, and ample amounts of bad feelings:sick:

 

I had 3 ONS in a 5 month span. Since I Hated them, I cant see why I would do them again?

 

Would you eat a food you know you hated and couldn't even stomach?

 

I think the 10 clean years of monogamous relationships speak louder than 3 ONS in 5 months, due to genuine heartbreak I was facing.

[ShyGuy5]

So if you can get over ONS, then why is it a red flag for your partner?

[Leigh 87]

I think most of the time you are right - they are not long term worthy.

 

 

 

Why not?

 

 

I have had one night stands before. I'm super loyal, I'd never cheat and I treat my partner wonderfully.

 

I have great values too. Not sure why a past one night stand or two make me not relationship worthy.

 

I see a lot of boring, un inspirational and just women with not a lot to offer their partners... women who are also lazy and selfish; YET THEY HAVE NEVER HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND.

 

So, it totally make sense that a sweet loyal and devloted girlfriend like me, is not considered relationship material JUST because I engaged in casual sex in the past. Even though I'm fun, loyal and go out of my way tondo nice things for my long term partners.

 

Yep. It's better to pick a boring lazy girl whos cold towards people yet who hasn't had casual sex, over a nice warm and generous woman like myself ; simply because I once engaged in casual sex.

[Leigh 87]

I guess I misinterpreted. I was thinking of a girl who openly admitted to cheating with a one night stand. She said her boyfriend was okay with it because he cheated on her too. This is what I was thinking of -- and let me tell you that is a loose woman.

 

 

I think cheating is disgusting.

 

I am no more likely to cheat than a woman who hasn't ever had casual sex...I know who I am and I know that I didn't enjoy one night stands or casual sex fwb type things.....

 

Why would I repeat behavior that I didn't enjoy, and in fact, made me upset while carrying it out?

 

I see a therapist to help me deal with my casual encounters, as I only engaged in casual things as a means of self harm. I have sought therapy to stop destructive behavior, such S casual sex , opposed to just not seeking professional help and running the risk of doing it again.

[FrankieFrank]

Ok so he admits to a ONS .... you get disgusted

 

you have had them but won't admit to them ....

 

I'm confused ? So should every guy lie about their past...

 

LOL.

 

That's called being a hypocrite.

 

Same OP who is disgusted with a guy having had ONS, even though she apparently had them, also wants MMF threesomes:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/446959-3some-2-guys-1-girl

 

I'm naturally possessive so anything/anyone touching someone that was mine doesn't sit well with me.

Yet you've been touched yourself and even wanted to be touched by another guy while with someone else.

 

Pot kettle black?

 

Back to topic,

 

If my date admitted to one night stands, I'd be turned off. I've never had them and want the partner with a similar mindset.

Edited December 26, 2013 by FrankieFrank

[Leigh 87]

I'd call that more experimentation in that case.

 

I've never had a ONS... had the opportunity a number of times, turned it down every time. I've nothing morally against it. My qualms with it are: It seems like the type of person open to it would likely be promiscuous, which I also don't morally judge, but it seems a really good way to get a venereal disease. The other is, what if turns out to be great sex? That would be like finding a great restaurant that disappears the day after you eat there. Sounds more infuriating than anything.

 

FWB, on the other hand, seems a lot more practical for those trying to fill the horny gap between relationships. Not ideal, but way more logical, IMO.

 

 

Oh believe me, I got my bum to the doctor ASAP to get tested.

 

 

And as a woman, I personally didn't derive pleasure out of the ONS. I simply need to feel close and connected in order to get anything out of sex. Or foreplay.

 

 

On the other hand, I have enjoyed fwb . I got quiet close to two fwb. Therefore, I got pleasure out of our encounters.

 

To me, I had one committed fwb. If they were to sleep with another woman, I wouldn't care, yet I would break the fwb. I only like having one solid fwb between relationships. Not 2 or several.

 

 

 

 

A guy openly admitting to ONS' s on a first date would put me off him, simply because it's quiet an... abhorrent thing to blurt out, to a date

[swenann991]

When a guy admits to me that he had one night stands in the past, I lose respect for them. They usually say that the did it in their 20s but my perspective of them changes. Like they're not long term worthy. To be completely honest, I've had my share of intimate encounters but that's stuff I keep to myself. What do you think?

 

well, if you ask me, it depends... One Night stands are what they are and you have right if you say something like 'ok you have that life style for me that is low value,go away'. On the other side, at least have +1 point in your eyes: he is honest with you. So, you must take everything and make decision is it worth or not, don't judge to someone according to only one fact...Because every fact can be seen from different angles.

[LiliesNoLilies]

I'm a tad surprised with the rigid opinions here.

 

To each their own, as always - I fully understand that if a love interest with radically different views on sex is a dealbreaker, then it simply is. And should be.

Some people don't date vegetarians. Some people don't date people over 6 feet tall.

 

But seriously!

A one night stand can be a great and liberating sexual experience for a person, if done with full security, respect and mutual understanding.

The mutual respect between casual sex partners is not the same understanding as you have with a SO, absolutely not. But if done right, it will be free, fun and safe for both parties.

 

A full-on promiscuous lifestyle is something different.

Seeking a one night stand as a means of self-harm is something entirely different.

 

I myself am completely, entirely faithful and thrive on monogamy, when in a committed relationship.

 

But when I'm not, my body is mine. As is my mind, which I always make sure to keep sharp.

 

 

This is not to say that I've had one night stands, or not.

That information is private.

So no, I wouldn't talk about previous sexual experiences with someone I'm freshly dating. If that was the original question.

[Kate9292]

I don't regret any of my past ONS. I would never get with a guy who is judgemental towards ONS, whether he had them or not.

[Lei Ping]

Ok so he admits to a ONS .... you get disgusted

 

you have had them but won't admit to them ....

 

I'm confused ? So should every guy lie about their past...

It depends on what he's looking for.

 

 

If he's looking for his "soul-mate" then he must be truthful.

 

 

If he's trying to get laid then he must lie about a monastic existence lifestyle with an absence of carnal experience and she must be framed as the first, the most, the best.

 

 

(and people go on and on about the male ego)

 

 

The name of the game is "Queen-for-a-Day" and the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but the way to a woman's heart is definitely through her self image (translated=ego).

[KathyM]

A one night stand can be a great and liberating sexual experience for a person, if done with full security, respect and mutual understanding.

The mutual respect between casual sex partners is not the same understanding as you have with a SO, absolutely not. But if done right, it will be free, fun and safe for both parties.

 

 

 

 

 

A one night stand can be a dangerous sexual experience for a person, because you have no idea if this person is free of STDs, if he's going to respect your boundaries, or know much about this person at all, really. For all you know, he could be married, he could have HIV or some other incurable STD, he could be a criminal or into abusing a sexual partner, and you know virtually nothing about the person.

 

Fixed it for you.

[ThatMan]

But seriously!

A one night stand can be a great and liberating sexual experience for a person, if done with full security, respect and mutual understanding.

The mutual respect between casual sex partners is not the same understanding as you have with a SO, absolutely not. But if done right, it will be free, fun and safe for both parties.

 

What you are describing is impossible to accomplish with complete strangers. So many problems exist when we assume things and believe that our own actions will be reciprocated. Just because I want one night stands in a way that's healthy, liberating, and respectful does NOT mean my partner is going to feel the same way. They might even say one thing but mean something else, or have alternative motives.