42....Am I doomed to commitment phobes, mama's boys, and recovering addicts?!?!

[rosedl]

Ok.

 

There are NO men around here. I live in a small town of 7000 and most people are either retired or married.

 

This break up would be hard enough, but when you go out and all you see our senior citizens in their 70s and 80s or married people with kids, it is like....oh. my. god. I am going to be a cat woman.

 

I am in shape. I am considered very attractive and funny. I think I could get dates if there were any men to actually date.

 

I have been on dating sites (before this break up). I got lots of interest but Omg. It is either men in their 50s and 60s. Or younger guys with Cougar fetishes.

 

It is not easy to find a single middle aged guy. Another thing is I have grown kids. I don't want to do the mom thing again, as I have been a mother since I was a teenager! I love kids, but I have never had any freedom and didn't have much of a youth because I have always been raising kids.

 

I am ashamed to admit this but I feel so discouraged about meeting anyone else suitable, it has made it harder to let go and consider going back to therapy with my commitment phobic!

[Woggle]

On a subconcious level you might be attracted to people like this.

[rosedl]

I already have done therapy about my issues, and I would be THRILLED to meet an appropriate guy who isn't emotionally unavailable or addicted.

[notthathard]

Let me get this straight...

 

So you want:

-a man

-who isnt a commitment phobe, mama's boy, or a recovering addict.

-who isnt a younger guy with Cougar fetishes

-who is <50 but >38? (single middle aged guy)

-who is not retired or married

 

But you live in a town with only 7000 population, you are a single mother and want no more kids.

 

Its not asking too much really, but with only 7000 people like you said a majority are married/retired. Lets say there are 3500 single people well approximately half (1750) would be male then take away those things you dont want in a guy. Your not being left with too many options in your area.

 

I would weigh up my situation...

 

-Would I be willing to lower my standards?

-Would I be willing to move to a new location?

 

From experience it takes about 2-3 years to actually get to know someone properly to see if you want to spend the rest of your life with them. So you still have heaps of time but something needs to change.

[theothersully]

We are out here, Rose!!

 

Maybe not in your town, but we are here. I am everything on your list (not asking for much on that list).

 

So move, date someone an hour away, etc.

[rosedl]

I know.

 

It is just logistics.

 

I may move somewhere else with my daughter.

[StalwartMind]

Doomed, hardly. However realistically you do face some challenge, as location can play a vital part in ones options or rather lack thereof. If you are considering the possibility to move, you are at least not locked down to that town for life.

 

It would be terrific if we could just find what we were looking for, by eliminating all the obstacles in our way and just get to the fun part, where we can finally start life with someone whom is right for us, whether we are looking for a friend or partner.

 

I do believe at times, most of us fall in this trap where we just find a situation so challenging that it seems borderline hopeless. However I also know and feel a lot of people aren't always willing to put in much commitment, and sort of expect everything being served to them on a platter. In no way is this aimed at you, or anyone in specifically, but from own experience I've always been willing to go whatever length is needed for me to reach a goal, big or small. By all means, I'm not expecting people to climb 5 mountains, traverse 2 seas in order to get some food, or for that matter have the same amount of energy/willingness as myself, but I enjoy seeing others show their passion for wanting something, and doing something about it.

 

At least your kids are grown, and you are self aware of what you want, compared to some other people, that's being ahead, now you just need to figure out the last pieces of the puzzle.

 

While in no way I'm qualified to give this advice, you don't seem like someone who needs therapy, but rather just meet someone confident, calm and composed enough to enhance all the great things you already are.

 

I hope you hit a fluke and that good things will happen for you (and to theothersully as well).

[organizedchaos]

Let me get this straight...

 

So you want:

-a man

-who isnt a commitment phobe, mama's boy, or a recovering addict.

-who isnt a younger guy with Cougar fetishes

-who is <50 but >38? (single middle aged guy)

-who is not retired or married

 

 

.

 

 

 

I'll answer. I'm 42 so:

 

 

-me

-me, me, me

-me

-me

-me

 

 

But I live in one of the biggest cities in the country. So yeah OP, you're gonna need to do something about your dating pool. We're out there.

[rosedl]

Thanks for the responses.

 

It was a bit of a rant.

 

I am in a transition phase. I know it.

 

I can relocate but it will be tough. I don't have any equity in my home, and I don't have a lot of money. But, if I really choose to go that route, it is feasible. I also have close friends and all my family is out here, so it will be giving up all my connections, my home, and my security to leave the area.

 

I think there might be a middle ground where I do some road trips and traveling and keep this as a home base. I am not sure.

 

I am a bit in emotion mind right now. I know I have options and in some ways, I have it pretty good with the kids grown, enough money to live on, and some freedom to explore.

 

It is a bummer to go from thinking you finally met the man of your dreams and planning a future to being tossed out and alone in the span of a couple of months. I think the adjustment to the extreme change will take a bit of time.

 

Thanks

[jphcbpa]

I would rather date any one in recovery than someone in denial of what they cope with. face it, we can all be in some kind of therapy...we are human.

 

 

I suggest moving.

[mtnbiker3000]

Yeah. You may need to move. I've come to the conclusion that I will need to move as well. And I'm curently in a city of about 100,000. Still seems small to me

[skydiveaddict]

Ok.

 

 

I am ashamed to admit this but I feel so discouraged about meeting anyone else suitable,

 

aw hell. That's just because you haven't met me yet.