1slobalt12 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 (edited) Okay im going to try and make this story as short as possible. Me and my girlfriend have been dating since the end of march; we're both in our 20's. Things were amazing up until the middle of september when her cat died, then immediately following that her mom was put into rehab for being an alcoholic and while her mom was away her grandma died, she also started being a substitute teacher... During all this i was always there for her, spending nights over, cleaning up her apartment, and just taking car of random things for her no questions asked. She ended up getting very distant so i just gave her space contributing it to all the stress in her life, but still being there for her... she is still distant to this day. During November we got into a few fights, i accused her of lying and a few weeks later looked on her phone. I was really ashamed of myself for both of these fights because they were both absolutely wrong of me, i apologized and have never done them again because honestly they are not me or anything i have ever done in the past, i trust her with all my heart and know she wouldnt cheat. One day she went out with friends and the next day was acting very strange so i asked her what was going on and she admitted the night before a guy tried to kiss her but she denied him and was afraid i would leave her, saying she realized that she really wanted to be with me. I let her know that it was okay that i cant control everything that happens and that i appreciate her being honest. But right after this she went back to being cold and distant putting no effort into the relationship. I brought this up to her and she said she knows she has been treating me like crap and feels terrible (but she still is acting the same). SO the other week i told her i dont think we should do christmas and should take a break until she decided what she wants. She right away assumed i didnt want to be with her and suggested we be friends and take some time apart. Then she kept saying she really wanted to do christmas so i agreed to do christmas with her after telling her that i cannot be friends i have to many feelings and will not put up with being walked on, you will lose me. Despite all this she still texts me everyday first, and the otherday came to my ice hockey game. but i feel as if im only a friend, there is no love from her side and i have always given her that telling her I Love You, randomly buying flowers (no i do not over do these things and havnt done these for a few weeks, i know the value of space)etc. I know everyone is not the same and i dont expect that kind of stuff back but there has been nothing physical at all no holding hands, no sex since beginning of september and only a kiss goodbye at night. I dont know if i should give her more time or just end this after christmas. I know she is not totally to blame she was going through a lot and then i did some things in the relationship i still feel terrible about to this day. but i always put my all into the relationship Edited December 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author 1slobalt12 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 It was messed up and im not proud of myself for it. She accepted my apology knowing that its not something i would ever do again and i never blamed her for being mad at me for it. Im coming to that realization, i love her more then anything and she had all the traits i look for but its obviously not working at this time and ending it is for the best. I just cant be her friend or there for anymore if we do because it would be to painful for me and i think thats why she is trying to keep me around in some form since she knows ill be gone for good.
Author 1slobalt12 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 I stopped by her place on Christmas and we exchanged gifts, then she gave me a card saying "I know things have been crazy and will work out eventually but i do appreciate you and everything you do. I Hope you have a wonderful christmas!, Love -Name-" after when i was leaving we kissed goodbye so i decided to say "love you" and got a "love you too" back. Im not sure what to make of allthis, in addition she usually contacts me over text everyday and we talk but as if we were only friends. Im so confused i want to be with her but i hate this feeling of being on the sidelines 1
xUnknown Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I stopped by her place on Christmas and we exchanged gifts, then she gave me a card saying "I know things have been crazy and will work out eventually but i do appreciate you and everything you do. I Hope you have a wonderful christmas!, Love -Name-" after when i was leaving we kissed goodbye so i decided to say "love you" and got a "love you too" back. Im not sure what to make of allthis, in addition she usually contacts me over text everyday and we talk but as if we were only friends. Im so confused i want to be with her but i hate this feeling of being on the sidelines Stick with it my man. Love is about sticking through the bad times. My ex did the exact same stuff. She just moved to a new state, started a new job, lots of stress, no friends, I'm stuck at home and thought all the pressure was on her to fix us (we had communication issues) and she ended up breaking up with me. 3 months later she came back unannounced and wanted to try again. She realized she quit, gave up and her life was better with me in it. Essentially, DON"T do what she did. Don't leave when it got tough. All you're doing is showing her that it is too tough for you to work at (which is exactly what my ex did to me). I'm still working on forgiving her and giving myself time to re-assess the thought of getting back with her. But stick with it. If SHE is having so much stress for a relationship, she'll make it clear. Your gf was honest about the other guy, so I don't think that is an issue (unless she has history of cheating, then I would be worried - but, that doesn't seem like the case). You've made your points clear to her, give her the space she wants. If things aren't better in 4-6 weeks, then maybe go forward and taking some time apart.
Author 1slobalt12 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 I have been giving her a lot of space lately, we dont text as much and if we do she usually initiates it (most of the time not always though). Also we do not spend as much time together, and at the same time im focusing on myself improving on areas i feel i need to so that i can be a better person with or without her. I was cheated on before and i think thats why i did what i did to her, i know i would never do it again because of how it made me feel after and the fact that i do trust her 100% but i apparently still need to work on myself in that area
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