georgieg Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 So this guy and I have been talking/messaging for a couple weeks. We had a drunken make-out session. Since then have only hung out once (flirting but nothing more), but we've been messaging pretty much every day. Without going into too many details, we hit a bit of a rough patch Saturday night that had to do with him text flirting with one of my best friends (who has a boyfriend) while he was drunk and hanging out with me. I called him out on it, and told him it wasn't the fact that he was talking to someone else, but the fact that it was my not-single friend was not cool. We agreed to talk Sunday when we were both sober. I know he texted my friend to apologize the next day, but he's basically gone no-communication with pretty much everyone since then. I'm okay with this. He's kind of a mess and I'm hoping he's doing a little soul-searching at the moment (he lives with family right now, so I'm not worried about him being alone or in trouble). I planned on messaging him a cute pic of a guinea pig in a santa hat (he's always had them as pets and I've sent him cute pics like this in the past and he's always really appreciated them) and wishing him a Merry Christmas tomorrow, but now I'm not sure if I should. I want to give him the space he needs for whatever he's going through, but it feels weird to not acknowledge the holiday. At the moment, he's not even reading messages on Facebook, including the group message I have going with him and two other mutual friends (they're both reading and responding, but he's not even reading). Messenger says he's been online, but I often doubt the validity of that. I guess I'd just like opinions on the pros and cons of either. If he was only not responding to me, then I'd forget about it all together. But where it seems like he's just not going online at all, I kind of feel like I should acknowledge the holiday so that when he eventually does start reading/responding, he'll see that I was thinking of him.
GemmaUK Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I would delete his number if you are tempted to ever contact him again. Surely you value yourself more than this?
Versacehottie Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Space. Don't be too nice. Put it in perspective. Out of all the people he could have flirted with, he had to pick someone you know and are friends with. There's a limit even before you're exclusive and what he did is disrespectful and out of line
Author georgieg Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 I would delete his number if you are tempted to ever contact him again. Surely you value yourself more than this? Space. Don't be too nice. Put it in perspective. Out of all the people he could have flirted with, he had to pick someone you know and are friends with. There's a limit even before you're exclusive and what he did is disrespectful and out of line He knows it was out of line and has apologized to us both. He doesn't even remember doing it. I knew going into this that he was likely to do this kind of thing, and I'm keeping my guard up because of that. But at the same time, it seems like he's hit a point in his life where he at least wants to make some changes. In fact, he's already made some major life-altering changes in the past couple of months. Because of that, I'm not willing to write him off completely. At least not yet. But again, I'm being incredibly cautious in how much I invest in this thing. And okay, this is going to make me sound like an absolutely horrible and shallow person, but he's also an incredibly valuable contact in my professional life and has offered to help me out and introduce me to some people (independent of us fooling around, this was stuff we talked about before any of that happened). So it's not a bridge I want to burn, to say the least. I'm pretty sure I'm going to message him tomorrow.
GemmaUK Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 So he could be a valuable contact in your life? Do you honestly think that having sex with him (which is where is sounds like it is leading) is going to make him stay a contact and have 'serious business contact respect' for you? So what if he apologised? He says he can't remember..so that means he is not at fault? Wow! I love that one! I will tell that to my Finance Director next time I make a mistake. BTW..I have never slept with my Finance Director..but he does respect me - as I do him.
Author georgieg Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 So he could be a valuable contact in your life? Do you honestly think that having sex with him (which is where is sounds like it is leading) is going to make him stay a contact and have 'serious business contact respect' for you? So what if he apologised? He says he can't remember..so that means he is not at fault? Wow! I love that one! I will tell that to my Finance Director next time I make a mistake. BTW..I have never slept with my Finance Director..but he does respect me - as I do him. Never said it wasn't his fault because he couldn't remember. He respects me because I'm damn good at what I do, regardless of whether he and I are fooling around. We've already worked together, and he's been pretty clear about what he thinks of my work and working with me. We're already talking about future projects with my other business partner. It's the entertainment industry, so it's not like everyone isn't sleeping with everyone else anyway (sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who's not sleeping around...). And it's not just sex that I'm looking for with him. I've told him that I like him, I want to get to know him better, and I want to hang out more.
GemmaUK Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Never said it wasn't his fault because he couldn't remember. He respects me because I'm damn good at what I do, regardless of whether he and I are fooling around. We've already worked together, and he's been pretty clear about what he thinks of my work and working with me. We're already talking about future projects with my other business partner. It's the entertainment industry, so it's not like everyone isn't sleeping with everyone else anyway (sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who's not sleeping around...). And it's not just sex that I'm looking for with him. I've told him that I like him, I want to get to know him better, and I want to hang out more. I didn't mean to upset you but it's clear there's much of it that wasn't made clear. If all of the rest is OK with you (sorry, I don't work in entertainment so have no idea about it) then if he is not responding to mails etc why would a photo of a cute animal help with your networking for business? Sorry..(is this is something I don't understand about the entertainment industry perhaps?)....how are they linked? Is he maybe working on gaining other business contacts for you while he has gone quiet?
Author georgieg Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 I didn't mean to upset you but it's clear there's much of it that wasn't made clear. If all of the rest is OK with you (sorry, I don't work in entertainment so have no idea about it) then if he is not responding to mails etc why would a photo of a cute animal help with your networking for business? Sorry..(is this is something I don't understand about the entertainment industry perhaps?)....how are they linked? Is he maybe working on gaining other business contacts for you while he has gone quiet? The cute animal isn't part of the networking, that's part of the me trying to date him. I want to explore the possibility of a relationship with this guy. He's going through some personal stuff, and I'm wondering if I should just back off entirely (I haven't messaged him in a couple days, since he didn't read/respond to my last messages, which were basically just me updating him on a project, asking him to send me a couple photos he took while we were hanging out Saturday night, etc.) or go ahead and send him the pic for Christmas with the hope that it's appreciated and possibly brightens his day (I've sent him stuff before to cheer him up and it was very much appreciated). I simply included the stuff about networking because I'm not in a position where I'm willing to write him off entirely as a person. And even if we don't end up dating, he's a fun guy and I enjoy working with him and would like to continue to do so on various projects.
GemmaUK Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 OK, apologies again then as I also hadn't seen where he was going through personal issues, just that he must be going through 'something' but you didn't appear to know what it was. I assume you do but it wasn't postable which is fair enough. Maybe he is just busy with family over Christmas or something. Otherwise I am thinking just wait a bit as you have already sent the worky type texts however if you are close then he will no doubt be in touch tomorrow as it's a special day. If he doesn't get in touch in a personal way and aside from work then you know where you stand.
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