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The thought of her having sex with somebody else is killing me!

TylerDurdenn

By TylerDurdenn
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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TylerDurdenn Established Member

TylerDurdenn

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Yes I know there's no chance of us getting back together, and yes I know I should be moving on myself, but there's one thought that is killing me - her having sex with somebody else..

 

We had an awesome sex life, we had sex 3 times everyday for the 4 years we were together.

 

Why is the thought of her having sex so somebody else hurting me so much, when I don't love her anymore?

 

What if I don't find that sexual connection with anyone else?

chris21422 Established Member

chris21422

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Yea man that sucks.. the only way to overcome this is to have sex with someone hotter than her :D

 

Yes I know there's no chance of us getting back together, and yes I know I should be moving on myself, but there's one thought that is killing me - her having sex with somebody else..

 

We had an awesome sex life, we had sex 3 times everyday for the 4 years we were together.

 

Why is the thought of her having sex so somebody else hurting me so much, when I don't love her anymore?

 

What if I don't find that sexual connection with anyone else?

barky2 Established Member

barky2

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No, the only way to overcome it is to face it dead on.

 

Yes she is, and she will.

 

She'll feel everything, she'll do little things to him like she did to you.

 

Invision her doing the worst, because it's reality.

 

So in turn, go do the same.

 

 

 

 

Barky

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TylerDurdenn Established Member

TylerDurdenn

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I have absolutely no desire to have sex with ANY other woman.. I am 21, there must be something wrong with me? :laugh:

barky2 Established Member

barky2

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No you're heartbroken and everyone deals with it differently.

 

We've all been thru it.

 

I lived the " single life" in all it's glory during mine, in everyway shape and form, I just dealt with it differently.

 

 

 

 

Barky

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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What you are currently going through is perfectly normal and inevitable. I used tontorture myself with those thoughts. I uses to picture her doing the exact same things that we did with me in intimacy but with someone else. What helped was to internalize the fact thatse was no longer "mine" as that by now, 8 months post break up, anyone in ther right mind and needs would have looked for someone to satisfy him/her just like I did. It's part of life man, all I can say is don't toeture yourself with it. View it as perfectly normal.

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radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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I went through these thoughts after my break up as well. And at that point -- I too was in no mood to consider even looking at another man, let alone sleeping with one.

 

The only way I was able to counter it was by distracting myself with some other diversion: music, mindless television, calling a friend, reading a book.

 

Yes, in spite of those efforts those thoughts would still intrude. And at that point I would allow them to run through my mind. But in a weird way, it made me all the more determined to stick to NC and get over him. Which I did :D

 

After all, there was no way I was going to make a fool of myself by reaching out to him, when he very well was too busy to answer because he was having sex with other girls!

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TylerDurdenn Established Member

TylerDurdenn

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Maybe having sex with somebody else would help? It helped with my previous ex, but we had nowhere near the same sexual connection..

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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I have absolutely no desire to have sex with ANY other woman.. I am 21, there must be something wrong with me? :laugh:

 

Oh we all we all experience the exact same symptoms like clock work. For the first two months after she dumped I couldn't even look at another woman. I went from having sex where I wanted it when I wanted it to no sex at all. It took me a while to get my "manhood" back trust me no need to rush this, embrace every phase and learn from it.

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radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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Maybe having sex with somebody else would help? It helped with my previous ex, but we had nowhere near the same sexual connection..

 

Maybe. I mean I didn't have sex with another guy until 18 months after being dumped. The sex was great - - considering my ex and I had zero sexual connection.

 

But I may have been in a better place to enjoy it because I was pretty much past the break up by then. Had I done it say - - 7-8 months after the break up, it probably would have set me back...

ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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Yes I know there's no chance of us getting back together, and yes I know I should be moving on myself, but there's one thought that is killing me - her having sex with somebody else..

 

We had an awesome sex life, we had sex 3 times everyday for the 4 years we were together.

 

Why is the thought of her having sex so somebody else hurting me so much, when I don't love her anymore?

 

What if I don't find that sexual connection with anyone else?

 

There are different ways to deal with the pain of imagining your ex knocking boots with someone else. That part might have been the worst for me too when my BU happened a year ago.

 

I will say what worked for me (and a lot of other people on here) is what barky said. Just imagine her doing the absolute worst with another guy. Just everything imaginable. Keep doing it over and over again. Yeah, it sucks, but if you keep doing it enough, your mind is going to desensitize the act and it wont hurt as much.

 

And you are SO young man....unless you hide out in your room for the next 15 years without talking to a human being, you're going to find that sexual connection again. Its bound to happen I promise you.

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Mariposa10 Established Member

Mariposa10

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Same here. But it's not as bad anymore though. I've done what people said here. I've envisioned my ex doing the worst :sick:

 

I feel like I'm almost cured!

 

And of course, let time do its thing.

CrJsc88 Member

CrJsc88

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You've gotten some great replies. Dude, we've all been through that. Eventually, you won't think about it and look at other girls like meat. (excuse my expression) All relationships don't end in a fairy tale ending. Let this help you grow and understand that things change and people change. I'm telling you this will only make you stronger.

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johan Established Member

johan

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It will pass. The most important thing is to just remind yourself to concentrate on your goals in life. Those are the important things you still have.

 

When you keep a longer view, it helps to make what she does seem as unimportant as it really is. Just like when you're driving. When you look farther up the road you drive straighter.

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TylerDurdenn Established Member

TylerDurdenn

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Thank you guys, I think it's a case off 'this too shall pass', as 2 months ago I wanted her back, now I don't.

 

Hope everyone has a good christmas :)

LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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I just posted on here a couple weeks ago about this very thing.

 

 

It's sickening and heartbreaking to think about. I am nowhere near ready to even entertain thoughts of being with another man. I can't even imagine having that connection with someone else. . . . BUT I know I will again someday because I had those same thoughts before I met him with previous breakups.

 

 

Hang in there and try to push away those thoughts.....I know it's hard, especially this time of year when romance is everywhere. . . ugh!

 

 

Happy Holidays and hugs to you!

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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You've gotten some great replies. Dude, we've all been through that. Eventually, you won't think about it and look at other girls like meat. (excuse my expression) All relationships don't end in a fairy tale ending. Let this help you grow and understand that things change and people change. I'm telling you this will only make you stronger.

 

Very well said, specially the "fairy tale ending"

EuTuBrute Established Member

EuTuBrute

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I love barky's posts so ill quote him... "So they have sex so what, they didn't have an emotional connection like you two did.." Its just sex who cares!

 

Use this time to better yourself.. I have been going to they gym 5 days a week and look and feel great, i get compliments all the time.

 

On i side note, i am still desensitized on having sex with other women, it sucks but the feeling will pass

 

IT TOO SHALL PASS

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barky2 Established Member

barky2

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It's true.

 

There's a huge difference between making love and knocking skins.

 

HUGE DIFFERENCE.

 

Who cares.

 

Whoevers has just been broken up with, they don't see it.

 

Take it from us old folk who's a few years past the breakup and can see everything with a clear head... Let them do it.

 

Get over your personal issues and go do the same.

 

 

 

Barky

devastated777 Established Member

devastated777

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3 times erryday??? Dude. Your wore it out. How the hell did she hang with ya? Mine wanted it like that. I'm afraid my lack of ability to hang is what made him dump me. I got to where I always had a headache or stomach trouble to avoid it. Overkill. Now I miss it terribly. I think I could hang now, at least for a while. Still on a mission for my "n" batteries. :mad:

legion113 Established Member

legion113

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Could be worse

 

HAVING SEX WITH YOURSELF COULD BE KILLING YOU, it's not supposed to be aerobic right?

Christ is Love Member

Christ is Love

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The hurt will eventually leave and those thoughts won't hurt as much in the future, and always believe that there is someone else who can make you just as happy.

 

Merry Christmas to you as well?

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