Jump to content

if you still love her, wish her Merry Christmas.

Vicente

By Vicente
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

Posted
Posted
i wondered the same thing, did she really want to reconsider?

 

i asked her sister how she was, and she said my ex has been crying, and doesn't leave the house. she said she was depressed and all that, so it makes me believe she was telling the truth.

 

First off, dont talk to to the sister at ALL. Whatever was said between the two of you in confidence will UNDOUBTEDLY be told to your ex. That wont make your ex happy to hear that you have been talking to her closest of kin about her without her knowledge. If you still are, STOP NOW.

 

At this point my man, you have to just let it go.

  • Like 1
JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted

OP- as stated previously, what a terrible idea.

sarbunoemi Member

sarbunoemi

Posted
Posted

I am sorry that she broke up with you, but to be honest, contacting the dumper is always a bad idea, ALWAYS because you push her away.

Don't be so hard on yourself, she broke up with you, broke your heart into pieces, she knew that your reaction was normal. Yes, you did hurt her back, but what's done is done.

You can't change the past.

She asked for space, grant her wish. Give her space, it will do good for both of you. She might forget the anger, depends on her, but she asked you to leave her alone.

Leave her be. Show her you have more power over the breakup by engaging in NC.

In that NC period, you focus on YOURSELF by improving your well being, your flaws etc.

Don't worry, leave time to heal everything, you just need to take care of yourself.

It will be fine, I promise you.

 

Embrace the past, wave at the future and shake hands with the present.

Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Bollocks OP, tragic idea. Happy xmas though.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Vicente Member

Vicente

Posted
  • Author
Posted

so i just go NC, pretend like i don't care about her?

 

but what if i want her back? how am i suppose to be on good terms again if i just disappear?

  • Author
Vicente Member

Vicente

Posted
  • Author
Posted
That's not up to you. It's up to her. You must leave her alone and let her decide. You have no control here. You must leave her to live her own life. If she disappears and you don't reconcile, that's how it was meant to be.

 

If you care about her, you would respect the distance she has created.

 

alright, if i want her back, there's only one way to do it, i have no choice.

 

i hope all of you guys are right, i'm trusting you.

polynomial Established Member

polynomial

Posted
Posted
My ex said pretty nasty things to me when I left him.

He even said he never wanted to see me ever again.

It felt like crap.

I miss him (I miss the "good-everything" we had) but everytime I remind about the things he said I just feel like I hate him and should forget about him...

As your ex gf, I'm not currently dating, but the rumors are he did about a week after or BU. I left him, but he inmediately just treated me like ****.

I guess that love is not enough.

I would never be back with him after that.

And he will never ever apologize... That's what I believe.

I know it might sound like I'm selfish, cause' I left him, but the whole things was stupid. I'm not selfish, I'm hurt by his words, and his acts. (Before and after the day of the BU).

 

I'm sorry, but I don't get people like you. YOU leave them and then you simply won't allow them to react. I HATE when people do this arghh. I mean, oh sorry, but was he suppose to kiss your feet when you decided to leave him? He was hurt and lashed out. Probably didn't mean anything he said. For you to stand there and say how much his words hurt YOU and that you would never consider gettigng back together because of that when it was YOU who dumped him.. I just.. I can't.. I really do hate it when people cause so much pain for others by dumping them and then act all hurt.

  • Like 2
cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
Posted
so i just go NC, pretend like i don't care about her?

 

but what if i want her back? how am i suppose to be on good terms again if i just disappear?

 

Well im sure you want back. But she doesnt.

 

You just dissappear because that is what we do post BU.

 

Trust us. Weve all been were you are and it toally sucks. But the fact of the matter she doesnt want to hear from you.

 

Even more importantly saying anything will just make you even more miserable. Time for complete NC. No Merry Christamas, no how are you, now im sorry i blew up at you ..NOTHING. Be happy you blew up. Makes it that much easier to stay NC.

 

Consider that it will be a complete embarassment to reach out at this point and you will further plummett you self esteem into the ****ter. Maintain you self respect at all costs now. This is all we have left post BU. Step aside now with dignity.

 

This is the ONLY way...NC. Sorry bro. Cav

  • Like 2
FloridaKeys Member

FloridaKeys

Posted
Posted

I have a different opinion on this.

 

I think if you don't apologize, it's going to drive you crazy, literally.

 

Send her a brief apology saying that what you said came out of emotion, and you did not mean those harsh things that you said to her. Then, say that you wish her a Merry Xmas. Then, just say Best of luck. Do this by text or email, don't call her.

 

By saying Best of Luck, it makes her think you are saying bye-bye and makes it look like you could be moving on. It also looks like you are maintaining effort to give her space.

 

Then, go No Contact unless she replies with something substantial.

 

If she never replies, at least you will know that you have done what you can, and that will be the only way to get over that last conversation.

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
Posted
I have a different opinion on this.

 

I think if you don't apologize, it's going to drive you crazy, literally.

 

Send her a brief apology saying that what you said came out of emotion, and you did not mean those harsh things that you said to her. Then, say that you wish her a Merry Xmas. Then, just say Best of luck. Do this by text or email, don't call her.

 

By saying Best of Luck, it makes her think you are saying bye-bye and makes it look like you could be moving on. It also looks like you are maintaining effort to give her space.

 

Then, go No Contact unless she replies with something substantial.

 

If she never replies, at least you will know that you have done what you can, and that will be the only way to get over that last conversation.

 

Hes going to be driven crazy no matter what he does so it is better to stay NC and pretend she died. :) Cav

  • Like 3
FloridaKeys Member

FloridaKeys

Posted
Posted
This is not about him. When you contact someone who has asked you not to, you undermine their choice. You're telling them "What you think doesn't matter. I know what's best." That's ridiculous. Regardless of whether the lack of apologising will eat him alive, he needs to deal with that himself, not rope her into it.

She dumped him, so screw her. It IS about him. And apologizing is not going to hurt her. Just a brief apology, then leave it at that.

  • Author
Vicente Member

Vicente

Posted
  • Author
Posted

from my ex's POV, how would she feel if i did apologize after saying all that hurtful things?

 

 

the reason for her to say "leave me alone" is that i kept telling her what was wrong with her, and that i did nothing wrong. it wasn't like i was harassing her to get back with me.

devastated777 Established Member

devastated777

Posted
Posted

Which is it? Apologize or wish her a Merry Christmas? Trust me, NOTHING. But do what you want because you are obviously determined. I was the same way. Good luck.

ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

Posted
Posted
from my ex's POV, how would she feel if i did apologize after saying all that hurtful things?

 

 

the reason for her to say "leave me alone" is that i kept telling her what was wrong with her, and that i did nothing wrong. it wasn't like i was harassing her to get back with me.

 

All I hear is " I, I, I" in all of your post. I want her back, I did this, I want to do this, I want to say this.....

 

What you're falling to realize is her. She doesn't want you back, she did this, and she wants you to leave her alone.

 

Pushing an unmoveable object will only injure yourself and any chance at anything other than heartbreak and her resenting you. STOP IT NOW

  • Like 4
drallafi Established Member

drallafi

Posted
Posted
because i still have feelings for her and i want to apologize for what i said to her.

 

No, you want to apologize to her and you want her to see you for the new man that you are and immediately take you back.

 

It won't work.

 

She will simply be annoyed. Keep up the no contact. After this has all blown over, you will be glad that you did.

  • Like 2
FloridaKeys Member

FloridaKeys

Posted
Posted

If you really feel that what you said to her in your last conversation was enough that she won't contact you again, then make the brief apology (maybe wait until after the New Year if you feel inappropriate contacting her during holidays) wish her luck and go no contact. That's the only way you'll have a shot to get her back, IMO. Otherwise, you may never know either way and you may not be able to deal with that. You've already given her some space, so a short text or email apology shouldn't be such a terrible thing.

 

Most of the others posting on this thread don't want you to get back with her -I hope you do and wish you luck!

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted

She knows exactly what she did, and... she's fine with it.

 

Time for you to know what you're going to do (NC), and... be fine with it!!

  • Like 4
  • Author
Vicente Member

Vicente

Posted
  • Author
Posted

i didn't mean to apologize right away.... here's how our typical convo would go:

 

Me: hi. regardless of what we've been through this past year, just want to say Merry Christmas.

 

Her: thanks, merry christmas to you. so how are things?

 

then we small talk then i'd eventually apologize.

  • Author
Vicente Member

Vicente

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You can't predict her response. She might ignore you.

 

who knows..

 

the thing about her is that, during our relationship i was always cold and hardly treated her right. i look back and think about all the times she cried or whatever, and i just rolled my eyes. she's the type that needs attention, so i want to show her i've changed.

  • Author
Vicente Member

Vicente

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm sorry, but no one changes in a few weeks. You need to just leave her alone.

 

what about in a month, on her birthday? would that be enough time?

  • Author
Vicente Member

Vicente

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No. She asked you to leave her be, which means on some level, she doesn't care that you've changed. She's not the only girl in the world. Learn from your mistakes and don't make them in your next relationship.

 

she did care at one point after the BU. she told me she was seriously going to reconsider getting back, but my actions of being immature changed her mind, and left her broken.

 

i don't like the thought of going from relationship to relationship.. i dated many girls, trying to find the most compatible one and truth is, my ex is the one i can see myself with. i've invested so much emotion with her.

organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

Posted
Posted
I'm not going to encourage you to contact her because she asked you not to.

 

She's not interested now. By questioning her choice, you undermine her ability to make decisions. By contacting her, you tell her that her opinions don't matter, only yours.

 

I don't know what else to say.

 

 

 

I think you've done all you can. You're beating a dead horse. Hes convinced himself this is what is best and he's going to go through with it. Let him touch the stove at this point.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Vicente Member

Vicente

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

well i've come here for input, not permission.

 

i've dealt with her for years, & i'm sure i know what will happen. you always go with your gut feeling.

 

after what her sister said, i know she still cares about me and is disappointed in my actions.

 

if she doesn't respond, then so be it, at least i tried. i'll know she's gone for good.

Edited by Vicente
lauri Established Member

lauri

Posted
Posted
she did care at one point after the BU. she told me she was seriously going to reconsider getting back, but my actions of being immature changed her mind, and left her broken.

 

i don't like the thought of going from relationship to relationship.. i dated many girls, trying to find the most compatible one and truth is, my ex is the one i can see myself with. i've invested so much emotion with her.

 

I'm sorry but what she said there is bs. She has built up for months reasons justifying the breakup. Her interest level is so low and past the point of return. Once it reaches a low enough level for her to leave you, there is almost no chance of you building it back up.

 

If there is a "slight" chance of her having some interest in you, you have to not contact her and resist the urge to contact. If you contact her you will significantly increase the probability of losing her completely (if you haven't already). No matter what you say or do, you will appear weak and this will turn her off. She made a request, so show you are strong enough and have enough self control to listen to her wishes.

 

You sound like you are in denial (I was too after my breakup), everyone here has told you how it is and how it will end up. It is your decision in the end but a lot of us have gone through this and know the outcome.

  • Like 5
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...