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No Contact Diary - The Long Journey


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No Contact Day 1 - My Story, first part

 

Hey everybody,

my name is Erlaad and I've been reading the forums for a long time. Only now I've decided to start a thread to keep track of my progress on my journey to emotional freedom.

 

I'll take things very slowly for it is still fairly painful to recap. But at the same time I think that making clarity in my head will only speed up the recovery process.

 

My ex-girlfriend (let's call her J) broke up with me three and a half months ago by Skype call (no video included - guess she couldn't be bothered to look at my face while she did it). We had a long distance relationship for seven months - she lives in Northen Europe, I'm Italian (mamma mia!). You know the deal: meet her while living for a period in her country, falling in love with her magnetic personality and heart-warming smile, conquering her (and making many mistakes in the process) and finally getting together.

 

Everything went on blindly fast - one week after that we were talking about love, maybe one month later about moving in together and babies. She had just cone out of a year-and-a-half long complicated relationship and I have just decided to drop back on my "historical" ex (more on this in another post).

 

In retrospection, so many red flags came up so quickly I should have taken immediate action: like, moving forward so fast, or she crying on my shoulder because I said (in the sweetest way I could muster) I felt she was a bit "in control" of our relationship and I wanted it to be more equal (her ex who was emotionally abusive abusive and didn't allow her to see her friends).

 

Anyway, things went on well for a time, until I had to return to Italy. Then it went downwards for her - and for us. But the rest of the tale is for another NCDay.

 

I just entered the NC Cave again. It's dark and cold on here, ice knives tear my feet as I walk barefoot. I'm a bit afraid but I hold strong in the darkness. On we go.

 

Erlaad

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