SunsetRed Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Just curious, how many times did most of you go back to your MM before you'd have enough. I actually went back several times, just as I did w my abusive ex husband. I went back because I thought the problem was me and I was bad and so I went back to prove I wasn't "bad" anymore, when all the while, it was him who was bad. Don't worry, I am not going back to my MM. He doesn't really want me anyway. He briefly wanted me when I had a new bf, but now that Im single and there's no one to compete w or satisfy his control issues, he is back to NC like we were doing.
heylovey22 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 This is interesting. I found in a lot of past situations that we have to go back and forth a few times to really figure things out... at least in my experience. I had a terrible ex (who I loved very much) who wound up eventually treating me horribly and cheating on me. Went back once. When it happened again I let go of him like a hot piece of coal. It was easy, but I had to go through it once to figure out I didn't want part anymore. Other exes I went back multiple times before I figured I didn't want to be in it anymore. I have a feeling I will have a hard time with MM. At first I knew for a fact that he was crazy about me, and his actions showed it. Now he will say it but not as often and has rarely shown it lately. Though we never "break up" or say goodbye or anything like that (I don't think he even thinks of those kind of things), we are always up and down. He is all over me and then not, hot and cold. No matter how many times I give in right now, eventually I won't. And I'm moving soon so I will have no choice but to be strong and move on. I think it's different for everyone but we all will hit our breaking point eventually and it'll be a great day.
Rollercoaster Rider Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Just curious, how many times did most of you go back to your MM before you'd have enough. I actually went back several times, just as I did w my abusive ex husband. I went back because I thought the problem was me and I was bad and so I went back to prove I wasn't "bad" anymore, when all the while, it was him who was bad. Don't worry, I am not going back to my MM. He doesn't really want me anyway. He briefly wanted me when I had a new bf, but now that Im single and there's no one to compete w or satisfy his control issues, he is back to NC like we were doing. So many times I can't even count. I swear he use to end it for kicks...and control. I use to go back because I felt bad... because I thought he cared. And like you, I thought it was me. I think it was really just a head game... see where that got me!
vanellope Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 when he first time told me he cannot marry me, I went NC for week. but then I went back to try to be friend with him becasue I love him too much and cannot leave him. the second time i leave him, becasue i finally find out everything just not worth as i thought and my trust for is away.
Christ is Love Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I went back to my mm even after he cheated on me with another woman other than his wife. I went back enough for it to last 8 years. Stop now and really think about what's happening. He has two woman that loves him and he is enjoying it. You and the wife are hurting. Leave him for good and don't go back. Get counseling if you need to. The more I think about my own terrible long 8 year affair , the more I realize that I allowed him to mistreat me and his wife and he reaped the benefits, how selfish of him. Don't go back. Trust me. It is a complete waste of time in the long run. Really think about that, do you really want a man that would leave his wife for you?? If so , he will mistreat you the same way, if given the right time and the right circumstances. Take care
ElectricTangerine Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 So far, never. We were together for a year and a half, if there was a problem, we talked about it. We never broke up during that time, in fact our relationship was very harmonious. After I found out he was lying to me, I ended it within a month.
Summer Breeze Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I stopped counting around 6. I was fine with it ending each time there was a Dday but he wasn't. I had no real interest in it ending but was fine if that's what he chose. The thing is I never let it change. There's talk about going underground and all this stuff but if he'd tried to do that I never would have let him. In fairness to him he never asked for our R to be any different. When I was ready to end it I did. I sincerely believe if it had been up to him it would have still be going on as an A now.
WrinkledForehead Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Oh goodness. Too many times to count. One or the other of us would always cave and initiate contact. He left me one time. How many times before we were done? I couldn't even count. I believe he sensed some resolve in my actions that last time. There was no precipitous event to indicate it was happening; I just sent a text from work and ceased contact. I worked an extremely busy job and conversation back and forth wasn't going to happen that day, and I didn't text him at all until three days after I ended it and he said he had scheduled IC to work through his issues in regards to the A.
Daisy2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Many times. He'd give me the "speech" about every 3 or 4 months, we'd stop a week or 2, then back together. This last time was it. I can't take it anymore.
Cocochai Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 After the first year I broke it off when his BS was posting pics of their wedding on FB... He begged me to come back. Year and a half he ended it out of the blue from him to work on being a "Better Husband"... But it was mostly out of gilt and my feelings starting to get more involved. He contacted me only after a month... So many times it's been broken off only to start up again but when it's a forced stop your more then likely to get reconnected again. Not even a big DDay could really stop it if he feels he can hide it better. When they start to take you for granted or treating you like crap showing those true colors, then you'll have enough.
Phoe Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Only went back once, after making it 9 months NC. It lasted maybe 10 days before I was back to the same miserable feeling that has caused me to leave in the first place, and left again, for good, this time completely blocking him from contacting me again. Best decision I ever could've made.
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