rockna45 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 This past spring, I ran into some financial problems. My girlfriend lent me enough money to fix the problems; we agreed I would pay her back in full within four months. At the four month mark, I had the funds to pay her back, but my boys wanted to go to Vegas and I wanted to go too. I didn't tell her I was going, so when she texted me asking if I could stop by the bank and make the payment into her account, I told her I was busy at work and would call her later. Well, she later found out through a friend's Facebook where I was and she was very angry. She called me some very inappropriate names and I was very hurt by that. I ended up losing all the money in Vegas and had to tell her. I sort of tried to blame it on her, that if she hadn't upset me, it wouldn't have happened. But I know it was my fault. She didn't make me gamble and take risks. I've just never seen her that angry before and didn't know what to say. I promised her I would pay her back by the end of December and things were okay. Well, last week I got a DUI. My mom picked me up at the jail because my girlfriend refused to when I called her. I get it, but she should be supporting me during this stressful time in my life, not making me feel like scum. I'm not going to be able to pay her back this month. The fines, costs, and attorney's fees are just too much. Plus with the holidays, there are gifts and extra expenses. She said that I'm immature, I make too many bad decisions, I'm not serious about her. That when you are in debt, you don't take trips, you don't spend needlessly, you do everything you can to pay back the debt. That if I was really serious about paying her back, I would have gotten a second job or taken a cash advance on my credit card. I didn't tell her these weren't options because I have other commitments on my time and my credit cards are maxed out. She doesn't know how bad my financials are because I've never told her, I hide all the papers when she comes over. My girlfriend now doesn't want to see me and I don't know what to do. I've asked her to let me take her out for dinner, but she says she'd rather me pay her back than take her out. I asked her if I could buy her a Christmas gift and she said no, that if I have money to buy a gift, then I have a little bit of cash to start chipping away at my debt. I want to make this better, I want to make this right with her, I just don't have the money to pay her back right now. I thought we were a team and she isn't acting like a teammate. I think she really just doesn't understand how hard this is on me. She has the money to travel to Europe with her sisters every year. When her car needs work, it's no problem to pay for the repairs. She loves to shop. If she has the money for all these things, I don't think she really needs me to pay her back ASAP, so why won't she just let this go? Reading what I wrote makes me sound like a loser, and it's making me really depressed. She has a good job and works hard and makes good financial decisions. I guess I just keep making bad decisions, but I really don't mean to. How can I get her to see that it's just money? How can I get her to see that I love her and we'll work through this?
BikerAccnt Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Hate to say it, but I'm with her on this one. If you owe a debt, to a person, a bank, whatever, you take care of your debts first. You are showing her you aren't very responsible with money. That doesn't tend to go over too well with a lot of people. It's not just about money, it's about responsibility and living up to commitments. 11
CarrieT Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I am totally with her on this one. Don't buy her gifts. Show responsibility and pay the debt. And don't be surprised if you don't have a girlfriend when all this is said and done. 6
d0nnivain Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 This is why you shouldn't lend money to people you care about. It ruins the relationship. She's right. You were wrong to go to Vegas. You were wrong to go out drinking. Every spare penny should be going to pay her back & you should get a second job. At this point if you don't pay her back ASAP you may very well not have to because that loan is going to cost you your relationship. 9
runningfar Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 This past spring, I ran into some financial problems. My girlfriend lent me enough money to fix the problems; we agreed I would pay her back in full within four months. At the four month mark, I had the funds to pay her back, but my boys wanted to go to Vegas and I wanted to go too. I didn't tell her I was going, so when she texted me asking if I could stop by the bank and make the payment into her account, I told her I was busy at work and would call her later. Well, she later found out through a friend's Facebook where I was and she was very angry. She called me some very inappropriate names and I was very hurt by that. I ended up losing all the money in Vegas and had to tell her. I sort of tried to blame it on her, that if she hadn't upset me, it wouldn't have happened. But I know it was my fault. She didn't make me gamble and take risks. I've just never seen her that angry before and didn't know what to say. I promised her I would pay her back by the end of December and things were okay. Well, last week I got a DUI. My mom picked me up at the jail because my girlfriend refused to when I called her. I get it, but she should be supporting me during this stressful time in my life, not making me feel like scum. I'm not going to be able to pay her back this month. The fines, costs, and attorney's fees are just too much. Plus with the holidays, there are gifts and extra expenses. She said that I'm immature, I make too many bad decisions, I'm not serious about her. That when you are in debt, you don't take trips, you don't spend needlessly, you do everything you can to pay back the debt. That if I was really serious about paying her back, I would have gotten a second job or taken a cash advance on my credit card. I didn't tell her these weren't options because I have other commitments on my time and my credit cards are maxed out. She doesn't know how bad my financials are because I've never told her, I hide all the papers when she comes over. My girlfriend now doesn't want to see me and I don't know what to do. I've asked her to let me take her out for dinner, but she says she'd rather me pay her back than take her out. I asked her if I could buy her a Christmas gift and she said no, that if I have money to buy a gift, then I have a little bit of cash to start chipping away at my debt. I want to make this better, I want to make this right with her, I just don't have the money to pay her back right now. I thought we were a team and she isn't acting like a teammate. I think she really just doesn't understand how hard this is on me. She has the money to travel to Europe with her sisters every year. When her car needs work, it's no problem to pay for the repairs. She loves to shop. If she has the money for all these things, I don't think she really needs me to pay her back ASAP, so why won't she just let this go? Reading what I wrote makes me sound like a loser, and it's making me really depressed. She has a good job and works hard and makes good financial decisions. I guess I just keep making bad decisions, but I really don't mean to. How can I get her to see that it's just money? How can I get her to see that I love her and we'll work through this? Were you being a teammate when you decided by yourself to go to Vegas with money you owed her? Or any of your decisions, were they made thinking of "us" instead of Mme? Then what do you expect. You are irresponsible and need to grow up and live up to your commitments. Like like monk until debts are paid. What's for dinner, oh look canned tuna again.. 6
StanMusial Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 (edited) she is compromising big time just by having you as a bf. Edited December 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 16
Mariposa10 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 (edited) I agree. Maybe OP is really young... she is compromising big time just by having you as a bf. Edited December 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
Woop1337 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 She might not break up with you at this moment. But believe me, the countdown has begun. Psh, I work two jobs, and I'm not even in any debt. 2
Janesays Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Be glad she's not me. I would have dumped you and taken you to small claims court by now. It's not about the money. It's about the principle. 4
Zahara Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I thought we were a team and she isn't acting like a teammate. I think she really just doesn't understand how hard this is on me. She has the money to travel to Europe with her sisters every year. When her car needs work, it's no problem to pay for the repairs. She loves to shop. If she has the money for all these things, I don't think she really needs me to pay her back ASAP, so why won't she just let this go? This whole post screams entitlement. Teammate? What sort of teammate were you when you failed to pay her back -- money she worked hard to save, deprived herself of things that she could buy for herself so that YOU could blow it in Vegas because you wanted to have some fun? You lie. You gaslight. You are irresponsible. You're selfish. You don't even know what the word "compromise" means unless it serves to benefit you. I'm sorry but I'm with her. You need to grow up. 9
GemmaUK Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 She did you a big favour and you made an agreement which you then broke, twice so far (not even mentioning the other debts which you hide from her and a DUI as well? Nice!) How can you classify yourself as part of a team? You lost her respect when you went on your holidays and lost all her cash in Vegas. I'm not surprised she won't compromise now. I think you have a lot of growing up to do. 3
Keenly Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I wouldn't be in a compromising mood if some one in debt to me went to Vegas with their boys. 3
Eggplant Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Never ever borrow money from your girlfriend in the future. 2
Omei Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 (edited) Not only did you rob her of money you owed. You lied to her about where you were so untrustworthy. You say she should be supporting you in time of need, she did and you screwed her so when you get a dui why should she if not anyone support that, you have shown her that supporting you is not a wise move. I said poohead before because at the time I had no words for how badly you treated her. Edited December 24, 2013 by Omei 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Not only did you rob her of money you owed. You lied to her about where you were so untrustworthy. You say she should be supporting you in time of need, she did and you screwed her so when you get a dui why should she if not anyone support that, you have shown her that supporting you is not a wise move. I said poohead before because at the time I had no words for how badly you treated her. I have more choice words in mind. Than merely " poo head" 1
WrinkledForehead Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 She's pushing for you to prove to her that you're financially responsible and you're failing... Big time. It's coming down to you stepping up in a HUGE way or losing her. I recommend starting with a sincere apology for wasting her money (you had it, it was for her, and you spent it in Vegas) and a plan of action to pay her back that you will actually implement. For example, wine & dine her at home and give her the $100 you'd have spent on a nice meal. There is recovery if you work really hard, but you're treading a thin line. She sounds like a lady who knows what she wants and right now, you're not aligning with those desires. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 "Compromise" and "teammate" ate two words she's lived up to with no reciprocation from you. And yet you still feel entitled to have her picking you up from being charged, putting off her debt, being lied to and coming last on your priority list of things that matter. But you should be #1. Why, exactly? Why do you deserve so much better treatment than she does? What is it about you that makes you so damned special that you can lie, take her money, use it to gamble, avoid your debt, get a DUI and still expect a ride home? What make you so much more important than her? Do you have a foot long 18 gold karat penis or something? Do you farts smell lilac-scented? Your girlfriend, bless her long-suffering heart, has given you multiple, multiple chances to pay her back and be honest with her. She doesn't want lilac-scented gas from you anymore. She wants you to be honest with her about your struggles, be interested in her struggles and actually DO things that you say you'll DO. PAY HER BACK and stop pissing away her money. 5
Author rockna45 Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 Thanks for the replies. I figured it was me who jumped off the deep end, not her. This Thursday, I have an appointment with my banker to see if I can take out another loan, or get a line extension, so I can pay her back. I agree that I'm skating on very thin ice with her and I'm really lucky to have someone like her in my life. 1
deathandtaxes Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 OP, don't borrow money from somebody you love. It ****s up the relationship. Shame on both of your for doing this. Shame on both of you for letting this **** up your relationship. But Shame on you fog going to Vegas, blowing your load, and then getting a DUI. All stupid **** my man. She's just calling you out on it. Good for her. 1
Green Light Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 And here I am, debt free, never been to jail, and alone for Christmas :-(
deathandtaxes Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 And here I am, debt free, never been to jail, and alone for Christmas :-( Thumbs up for being a responsible ma***ka! 1
FitChick Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 This Thursday, I have an appointment with my banker to see if I can take out another loan, or get a line extension. Sounds like you have a pattern of being financially irresponsible. I hope she dumps you. How old are you both, by the way?
Green Light Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Thumbs up for being a responsible ma***ka! Meh, sounds like you are having more fun than me. In the end it will be the fun we remember not the fact that we paid our credit cards on time, every time.
FitChick Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 How much money did you borrow from your girlfriend? Must be a sizable chunk if you have to pay it back in installments.
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