jennysuzie Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Hi all Just wanted to write here about whats been going on in my life the past week. I was with my ex for two years, we lived together the past year and a half in a house owned by his family. A few weeks ago he told me he wanted to be alone. We had been a bit off with each other for a few months, fighting and bickering a lot, not much physical affection etc. I brought this up and he ended up just telling me he would like me to leave. We had a up and down relationship.....I got together with him as I was just getting out of another relationship. He was very jealous at the start....I didn't help by not being honest with him about my past. He wanted to know EVERYTHING...who I'd ever been with etc. When he asked me a few questions about my past I lied a few times. I told him the truth in the end...we worked through it. I think I just wanted to be what he wanted me to be. So this led onto other things...He didn't want me to be friends with certain people he saw as a bad influence, he stopped me seeing a group of friends because two of them were guys, neither of whom i'd ever dated or wanted to date. He got mad if I wanted to apply for new jobs in work, he thought it was because I wanted to meet new people. He didn't like me taking part in a sports club at work because there was an annual competition that was away from home. He didn't like spending time with my family and friends that I had left. He went mad at my sisters 30th b day party because my uncle sat down beside me. He stopped me going to see my friend in france because I didn't ask him to go with me. I cancelled and arranged a new date when we could both go. I changed my mobile number because he was annoyed at the thought of ex boyfriends etc having my number. I deleted my fb account. But....I loved him. He was definitely the most handsome and smartest person I have ever been with. We had some great times, a lovely holiday just there in October. Great times with his family at their holiday home. just ordinary, everyday things, music, dinners, our cat. He has a great sense of humour. I know he loved me. I loved being his girlfriend. But it wasn't enough in the end. He fought constantly, mostly over trivial things. Things would be great for a month or two then we'd have a meltdown over something. I threatened to leave numerous times, sometimes things got physical. We couldn't talk about money without it descending into chaos. He constantly accused me of being ungrateful, taking advantage of him. I always paid my way and everything was shared. He refused to get a joint account for bills so everything came out of his account. When I asked him for money he owed me he went bananas. Tonight I moved my stuff out. He was there for the first ten minutes. We discussed a few things, he just said 'it wasn't working'. I suppose I should be grateful to him for finally admitting what we both didn't want to admit for so long. But I didn't want to give up yet. I was still convinced we could make it better if we both wanted to. It felt so sad to move out of the little home we had made. There were good times there. I did my best to cook, clean and look after him the way he wanted. I was part of his family, more than he ever was part of mine. I spent more time with his mum, sister than I did with my own. I always felt I was doing more giving than taking. Needless to say I have had my ups and downs the past few weeks. I have had moments when I have actually howled with the pain and grief. I have sobbed into more tissues than id like to admit. I have had moments of clarity, and even relief. Anger has also featured strongly at times. However sadness seems to be star of the show at the moment. I am 29. I have been a serial monogamist for the past decade. I now just want to be with myself, and please myself. I would love to own my own home, and have a bit of security. I hate feeling like my time is running out to find a partner to share life with. I would love a family of my own one day. I am not hell bent on these things though, I'm not about to settle for anyone. I just get scared sometimes. I feel better after writing that all down. Any thoughts please share. This forum has saved me from myself in the past few weeks. 1
legion113 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 It's ok to be scared. Reading your post, I think you'll do just fine. You seem quite caring. He on the other hand seems very insecure. Anyone that tries to cut you off from friends and family is not someone you want to be with. My ex wife did that to me, her reality became my reality, and it wasn't a good one. It too a long time to get out of that relationship because I had no support, no one telling me that how I was living, the relationship I had was abnormal, that's why they cut you off. 1
devilish innocent Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 It's incredibly messed up that he was controlling your social life, and attempting to control your work life as well. Jealousy and that type of control is a warning sign of an abusive relationship. It's probably not coincidental that things got physical with the same guy. You're really lucky that you're not with him anymore. I know you miss the good times, but you should never have to compromise on those other things in a relationship. That's just toxic. You're really much better off in the long run without him. 1
innocentbutterfly Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I think despite you loving this man, I'm reading this like I would be reading my situation, only mine was happening long distance and to just imagine it could turn same as yours in real makes it a bit easier for me too to start forgetting. I broke up last month too. If I learned anything controlling men aren't good boyfriend/husband material. They just frustrate you and make you sadder and worrying more each day until it bursts. Hang in there and let it go. You will find better 1
Author jennysuzie Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 Thanks for your replies, I have re-read them all over the past few days, they give me strength and help me stay NC I really believe it will all work out for the best. Not to say I don't have wobbly moments. I expect to have them for many months. I hope all using this forum have a happy and peaceful Christmas. Stay focused on those who truly deserve your attention and affection.
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