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Did your ex turn out to be someone different than you thought?

ponchsox

By ponchsox
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ponchsox Established Member

ponchsox

Posted
Posted

Meaning when you first date them, they put on a good act or deceived you and after a while the real person showed up and their ugly side? I guess this can be true of all relationships but some people are like con artists when it comes to dating.

chris21422 Established Member

chris21422

Posted
Posted

yes, funny thing is my ex demands more attention, time, love start of our relationship and when I give to her she just fell out of love?? maybe lol

 

lol funny how things work.

Kevin_D Established Member

Kevin_D

Posted
Posted
yes, funny thing is my ex demands more attention, time, love start of our relationship and when I give to her she just fell out of love?? maybe lol

 

lol funny how things work.

 

Yeah, this is so true.

 

- Whenever I mentioned going on a trip/to a festival together with some friends, my ex would start to cry out of worriness. I can be really jealous so somehow I understood what she was feeling. I wanted her to be calm. So I skipped these events (Big mistake).

 

- She always feared the day when I would get a good job. I'd be required to work late hours, travel a lot and so on. This scared her. Well, fast forward a couple of years and I'm still unemployed. And that... was one of her reasons for breaking up with me.

 

It's so confusing. I know I sound like a doormat, but somehow this made me feel that she really cared about me.

 

And then it happened. After 6.5 years, she dumped me out of the blue. I guess someone new more exciting guy showed up. Someone who does all these things she tried so hard to stop me from doing. :o

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted

We all tend to formulate fictitious scenarios. However, after thorough analysis I've come to realize that my ex kept me at arms length yet buttering the relationship in a subtle manner. Clearly, when in "love" we disregard all obvious sings who anyone in an objective stance will detect in a heart beat. Live and learn and be more vigilant is what I can suggest myself.

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JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
Meaning when you first date them, they put on a good act or deceived you and after a while the real person showed up and their ugly side? I guess this can be true of all relationships but some people are like con artists when it comes to dating.

 

This will define the 99.9% of all first, second and third dates. Dwelling over the obvious.

  • Like 1
Zoe Lilith Established Member

Zoe Lilith

Posted
Posted
Meaning when you first date them, they put on a good act or deceived you and after a while the real person showed up and their ugly side? I guess this can be true of all relationships but some people are like con artists when it comes to dating.

 

YES! The whole "act" was just that- an act! I am amazed at the effort he put into that...wow...What an experience! :) Thank God this drama ended.

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MoooOinkBaaa Established Member

MoooOinkBaaa

Posted
Posted

7 years.

 

Completely. She used to be so into health. Now she's smoking, drinking. She used to be so sweet and classy now she swears like a sailor and puts her self out like a prostitute. She is miserable and annoying.

Mariposa10 Established Member

Mariposa10

Posted
Posted

I think this is just a phase... My ex has changed too, he's starting to dress like a teenager. :rolleyes:

 

7 years.

 

Completely. She used to be so into health. Now she's smoking, drinking. She used to be so sweet and classy now she swears like a sailor and puts her self out like a prostitute. She is miserable and annoying.

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Mariposa10 Established Member

Mariposa10

Posted
Posted

No, he was and has been honest most of the time. He just didn't want to give the relationship another chance, that's all.

Haydn Established Member

Haydn

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Yes, she had and has deep rooted issues that she will never resolve. She could only be strong for so long until the wall fell down. I hung around for another year. Not what i thought but i didnt give up. I was given up on. Fair play to all concerned, where`s my torch.......

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ponchsox Established Member

ponchsox

Posted
  • Author
Posted
We all tend to formulate fictitious scenarios. However, after thorough analysis I've come to realize that my ex kept me at arms length yet buttering the relationship in a subtle manner. Clearly, when in "love" we disregard all obvious sings who anyone in an objective stance will detect in a heart beat. Live and learn and be more vigilant is what I can suggest myself.

 

My ex kept me at an arms distance and I always felt something was wrong. Turns out she was looking for an "out" in the relationship. I was very unhappy the way things were going anyway so I would have likely ended it anyway. I just held onto it for the sex. I will be much more vigilant next time around.

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JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
My ex kept me at an arms distance and I always felt something was wrong. Turns out she was looking for an "out" in the relationship. I was very unhappy the way things were going anyway so I would have likely ended it anyway. I just held onto it for the sex. I will be much more vigilant next time around.

 

 

 

Sex is what kept me around as well. I've realized now that that's now what holds a relationship together. Yes my ex turned heads everywhere we went and I viewed her as a trophy, so when my trophy was taken away I was beyond pissed. This only shows how contingent my happiness was, truth is I was never happy if it was this contingent.

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Trapito Established Member

Trapito

Posted
Posted

When you first start dating, you put on your best behavior. Then follows the pink glasses honeymoon period. After that, the true colors will start to shine through.

 

After a break up, I see a lot of exes putting on a show. Some try to deliberately hurt the ex, even the dumpers.

 

A couple of my exes remained cordial, while others tried to hurt me (even when I was the dumpee). It really shows true character when someone flaunts their dates in tour face as obvious as possible. One of my exes became a true man whore, hope he is wrapping his package up. STD's are nu fun.

Itspointless Established Member

Itspointless

Posted
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She shocked me. We were not that long together, she was really enthusiastic about us and made me believe in love again. Then disaster struck she got seriously ill again, she suppressed her feelings, told me that she did not want me or friends be there for her (she broke up), does not want to talk about her situation or the future and is acting distant since. Now trying to continue my own life :confused:

2fargone Established Member

2fargone

Posted
Posted

Not really. I knew she was insecure, had low self-esteem. I just choose to ignore it and think 'I can andle this' while in fact she had to be the one to handle it.

 

 

The way she 'handles it' now is just...her. I can understand it. Yet don't hve to agree with it.

LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

Posted
Posted

Oh yes!! A superb ACT!!

I used to think he should get an academy award for his "performance" Now I blame myself more for falling for it.

LOL!!! I can't believe I was so dumb!! oh well, live and learn right.

in my defense he was pretty convincing though. Must have had lots of practice.

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Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

This is different, she is trying to protect you from the pain of her being ill? Forgive me if i am naive here. But i have no advice for this, some more info?

 

She shocked me. We were not that long together, she was really enthusiastic about us and made me believe in love again. Then disaster struck she got seriously ill again, she suppressed her feelings, told me that she did not want me or friends be there for her (she broke up), does not want to talk about her situation or the future and is acting distant since. Now trying to continue my own life :confused:
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

My ex suddenly changed overnight into someone who was sweet and thoughtful, kind and affectionate, into being a cold stranger who absolutely refused to communicate with me.

 

One day things were perfectly fine. The next day she gave me a break up talk. The following day she might as well be dead. Two weeks after the breakup I was able to provoke her into answering some questions over text, from then on, absolute silence.

  • Like 2
Zoe Lilith Established Member

Zoe Lilith

Posted
Posted
One of my exes became a true man whore, hope he is wrapping his package up. STD's are nu fun.

 

 

Haha, I know exactly what you're talking about. It was too late by the time I realized who he really is.. I am disgusted and embarrassed that he even was a part of my life...well, we live and learn..

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Itspointless Established Member

Itspointless

Posted
Posted
This is different, she is trying to protect you from the pain of her being ill? Forgive me if i am naive here. But i have no advice for this, some more info?

Thank you for your reaction. Yes it is different and also more complicated than this. I learned she is familiar with keeping people at a distance, not only in this particular situation. There are many different things going on here and it is hard to explain. I have to try to let it go.

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Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

I hope she opens up to you. You are a good person. Good luck friend. haydn

 

 

Thank you for your reaction. Yes it is different and also more complicated than this. I learned she is familiar with keeping people at a distance, not only in this particular situation. There are many different things going on here and it is hard to explain. I have to try to let it go.
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MoooOinkBaaa Established Member

MoooOinkBaaa

Posted
Posted (edited)
I think this is just a phase... My ex has changed too, he's starting to dress like a teenager. :rolleyes:

 

People are retarded man, they do what makes them feel bad a lot of times. On Halloween she was throwing up into a bowl by 9pm, her Mum liked it too on Facebook :S.

 

Yep my ex used to wear really nice dresses and now she wears leggings (she used to say wearing leggings as trousers was hoey). She wears black band Tees and tons of wrist bands again. She's regressed and completely changed. The thing is it's all about who you hang out with, she got new friends and changed, her words. She doesn't even have the confidence to be herself around other people and has to be part of the in crowd.

 

I have an online friend who helped me a lot during the break-up, she even sent me a bag of food by mail. She asked me yesterday how I've been and she said she still looks at my exes Twitter sometimes just to see if she's still being a **** to me! She said she's completely changed and is miserable.

 

She is even typing on there how she wants a burger so much and bacon. She was a pescetarian for over 14 years.

 

You know you really want to change when you start smoking, drinking and eating meat.

 

It's okay it'll all come back on her because in the end I'm working on myself and learning from my mistakes. I'm finding happiness within me, I'm not dating or plan on sleeping around. She spent seven years with me and threw it away only for another woman to enjoy the new 1000% improved me.

 

The ex I know doesn't even exist any more so I no longer have a reason to hope she comes back. Ugh the next guy can keep her. All she has left is her looks, her personality has gone down the drain, now she's nothing more than a pretty face.

 

Maybe it is a phase though, that's what I hope. Maybe she isn't over it yet and she's dealing with the pain still. It would be a shame because she really was an amazing girl.

Edited by MoooOinkBaaa
innocentbutterfly Member

innocentbutterfly

Posted
Posted (edited)
yes, funny thing is my ex demands more attention, time, love start of our relationship and when I give to her she just fell out of love?? maybe lol

 

lol funny how things work.

 

THIS.

 

And much more, he turned out to be a real man whore. Not in real world but in online cam sex world. This was LDR. Itshocked me to know, because I never knew that stuff before that he did if before me and after breaking up with me and burning me for similar thing from my past (but not even close to this)

 

I always knew he wasnt much independent, that he wouldn't put much effort if I wouldnt push him, he was a quitter. He was never too romantic too. I always had to remind him of gifts. So I had reminders from people all over place, family, friends, online friends, neighbours, everyone that knew about my relationship was warning me, even more because it was a LDR. But I was so sure, so in love. So foolish. And oh how was he promising me at the beginning how he wasnt that same guy like others that hurt me before. How he saw me as a wife and saw marriage and kids and FOREVER that he claimed he used the word on me for the first time, not on any other girl. I was so surprised that I think he deserves an Oscar for it now. 2 years of acting then when finally meeting, getting my virginity, then going from cold to coldest in 3months after, then breaking up. What an actor.

Edited by innocentbutterfly
Mariposa10 Established Member

Mariposa10

Posted
Posted

Your ex is still in her 20's. You're allowed to go crazy when you're in your 20's, but my ex is in his 30's. Anyway, stuff like this is just a turn off for me, so in a way he's doing me a favor.

 

I think your ex is dealing with everything she's feeling and trying to discover who she really is after being in a relationship for sooooooooo long.

 

At least, in a way they're helping us get over them :p

 

People are retarded man, they do what makes them feel bad a lot of times. On Halloween she was throwing up into a bowl by 9pm, her Mum liked it too on Facebook :S.

 

Yep my ex used to wear really nice dresses and now she wears leggings (she used to say wearing leggings as trousers was hoey). She wears black band Tees and tons of wrist bands again. She's regressed and completely changed. The thing is it's all about who you hang out with, she got new friends and changed, her words. She doesn't even have the confidence to be herself around other people and has to be part of the in crowd.

 

I have an online friend who helped me a lot during the break-up, she even sent me a bag of food by mail. She asked me yesterday how I've been and she said she still looks at my exes Twitter sometimes just to see if she's still being a **** to me! She said she's completely changed and is miserable.

 

She is even typing on there how she wants a burger so much and bacon. She was a pescetarian for over 14 years.

 

You know you really want to change when you start smoking, drinking and eating meat.

 

It's okay it'll all come back on her because in the end I'm working on myself and learning from my mistakes. I'm finding happiness within me, I'm not dating or plan on sleeping around. She spent seven years with me and threw it away only for another woman to enjoy the new 1000% improved me.

 

The ex I know doesn't even exist any more so I no longer have a reason to hope she comes back. Ugh the next guy can keep her. All she has left is her looks, her personality has gone down the drain, now she's nothing more than a pretty face.

 

Maybe it is a phase though, that's what I hope. Maybe she isn't over it yet and she's dealing with the pain still. It would be a shame because she really was an amazing girl.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think my ex portrayed himself exactly as he was. I just didn't want to see it. He loved me, we had a great time together, and he was always generous with me. However, he always waffled and made many contradictory statements. I only wanted to see the good parts of him because I do believe his love was genuine. I ignored all of the other signs, and I ultimately paid the price. Looking back, he never had both feet in the relationship, but he was very clear about that through subtle and not so subtle actions. He may not even admit that himself today, but he was always waffling.

 

I look forward to finding someone who doesn't put me through they type of stress.

Edited by BC1980
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