anna472 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Hey guys. So I met this guy Mark a while ago via my next door neighbor Andrea (we were hanging out once and she invited him). The night I met him we were really into each other and I ended up going home with him. My neighbor made him promise that he wouldn't sleep with me and that he would be good. He tried to stick to the promise and we were supposed to just cuddle but I initiated the sex and we had an amazing time. He told me that I was the best he ever had and the best he was ever gonna have and he even joked - my god will you marry me? - after I gave him a really good bj (sorry for the details but it gives some context). We have been hooking up ever since and I think I'm falling for him. He texts me throughout the day and sometimes we hang out and watch movies and hang out with his friends. We have a lot of sex though and I give to him A LOT and he is crazy for it. However a while ago he told me that he recently got out of a relationship and has been in relationships since he was 14 so he doesn't want to commit right now and wants to be free. This kind of bothered me so yesterday I met up with him and told him that I don't know what to do, that I really like him and don't want to get hurt yet I respect that he wants his freedom. So maybe I shouldn't see him anymore. Also, that I don't want to be just some girl that he "banged" several times and that when I am with someone it is because I really care about them. He told me that he does care about me too and that he enjoys spending time with me apart from the sex and that I am an amazing girl. He just doesn't know what to do as well because he is fed up with all the relationship drama. He suggested that maybe we just see where this goes and not put labels on anything, but that we still hang out and do fun stuff together, not just sex. I said OK let's try it and that I understand he needs his space and I need my space too. Then we went to hang out with his friends and Andrea at a bar and had fun and then went back to my place and had really passionate sex. As I lay on his chest he told me - don't fall for me though, I don't want you to get hurt. And I said I won't but in my heart I knew I already did. Now my question is - should I continue seeing him or will I get hurt? Do you think he will commit to me or is he just bs-ing and trying to keep me around for the sex? Is there a way I can win him over? (He is 24 and I am 25).
stillafool Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 It's really hard to say. He is only 25 and wants to be free. Plus he did tell you not to fall for him (right after you had sex.). He has been honest with you about his feelings and what to expect. I think at this point it is up to you whether you want to accept this relationship the way it is. If not, you'd better end it now because suppose he does meet a girl and falls for her right away? You will be extremely hurt. In my experience men usually fall for women they have to work for and he didn't really have to do anything to get you. This isn't the case all the time, just in my experience.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Think its pretty clear what's going on. He doesn't want to commit to anything and he's not lying about it. So do you want to be part of that or not? You shouldn't count on it becoming a thing, you never should.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 It's really hard to say. He is only 25 and wants to be free. Plus he did tell you not to fall for him (right after you had sex.). He has been honest with you about his feelings and what to expect. I think at this point it is up to you whether you want to accept this relationship the way it is. If not, you'd better end it now because suppose he does meet a girl and falls for her right away? You will be extremely hurt. In my experience men usually fall for women they have to work for and he didn't really have to do anything to get you. This isn't the case all the time, just in my experience. I agree with most of this but the falling for a girl you have to work for thing. I'm a guy and so far the girl I ended up liking the most asked me out. No initial working to get her or playing games involved, it was great that she was honest about her feelings. Not to go off on a tangent but I really don't like it when people spread the idea that men "want to work" for a girl. It makes it a pain for men everywhere when women are constantly playing hard to get.
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I read this on here a while back & it makes a lot of sense: When somebody tells you stuff about the relationship that you don't want to hear, believe them. Personally, I'd stick around through NYE . . . in NYC good fireworks can be hard to come by -- then fade away on your terms. But no, I don't think there's a way to make him see your point of view & want to formally have a relationship with you.
Lovingsomeone2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 If he's saying "lets see where this goes" and then saying "don't fall for me" those are your red flags. You need to stop giving into him, he's getting what he wants, he knows your feelings, he knows you are into him, he knows you would be with him in a heart beat if he agreed to it so he has his cake and is eating it too. It's so hard, I've been there more than once with men who I've been head over heals for and knew deep down that they wanted nothing more than a sexual relationship, but would hold on to every piece of hope that they would tell me that would lead me to believe there might be even a tiny chance of the relationship evolving from sex to something more. I think we women tend to do that because we fall much more easily and faster than men. There are both men and women who can be involved in just sexual relationships with no strings attached and that can allow themselves regardless of the circumstances to disconnect themselves emotionally and never get any other emotional feelings towards the person they're sexually involved with. I've never personally experienced that. Once I have become intimate with someone it's all over, the floodgates are busted open with emotions and the attachment starts. How someone can just wham bam slam thank you ma'am is beyond me. Now I won't say I've never just had a one night stand and that was it and there was nothing emotional involved, that has happened and I think for most people that can happen and there aren't any emotional feelings attached to that. However once you continue to see someone and have sex with someone on a consistent basis and you're throwing in keeping in contact with them, i.e. talking, texting, hanging out with that person and friends, etc. then there's more to it and the emotional feelings are brought to a higher level and it's much more difficult to continue on as just a sexual relationship without wanting more from it as a normal relationship. With that said, he's making it very clear by his comments that he's not willing to commit and that he's not ready and his actions clearly show his intentions of what he's most interested in. As hard as it is to do I think your best bet is to cut things off now, it will be hard, but it will be harder the longer it goes on and the more emotionally involved you get. Try as you might, it's difficult for us to just turn off feelings after they've been turned on and especially when you desire so much more and know you can't have it or the cards aren't on the table for what you want right now. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I do know how tough this is and I also know how tough it is to call it quits. We always hold on to the whim of hope that maybe just maybe they'll change their mind and they'll see you as the women that they've always wanted. Chin up - you can do this. 1
GemmaUK Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Always pay more attention to the comments you think are more negative and the comments you don't want to hear. You will get hurt. He is not in love with you and is never likely to be - hence why he doesn't want you falling for him. Sorry for sounding harsh but if you listen to the worst things and take more notice of them than the nicer things you want to hear you will be doing the best thing for you. If it were me I would run....now.
Lovingsomeone2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Always pay more attention to the comments you think are more negative and the comments you don't want to hear. You will get hurt. He is not in love with you and is never likely to be - hence why he doesn't want you falling for him. Sorry for sounding harsh but if you listen to the worst things and take more notice of them than the nicer things you want to hear you will be doing the best thing for you. If it were me I would run....now. She's right!
Christ is Love Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Listen to him. He told you not to fall for him because he doesn't want you to get hurt. Listen to him! He knows himself better than you do. Good Luck
phloxxandsoxx Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Cut off the sex and you'll find out quick. Men are in it solely for the sex. They use it to think they care. But once you get tired of it and cut the sex off, the care will stop like a light switch being flipped down. It's an act. They're there for the sex full stop. Anyone who tells you anything else is selling you something, or one of them.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I agree that he enjoys the sex and likes you, but isn't in love with you. Since you are in love with him, I think you'll be setting yourself up for even more pain if you stay longer. He'll just continue to take advantage of your feelings for him and keep sleeping with you without any commitment or direction. I'd end things with him and start the new year fresh.
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