louiix Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 So she lives an hour drive away from my city , we communicate ( phone call , text , email ) almost everyday , we've met twice in 3 months , she uses "us" and "we" in her sentence especially when referring to something in the future. She always text or call back or go the extreme mile to explain why it took her long time to get back to me . So basically , communication and level of interest are going well in my point of view . Now , due to our work schedule , it's been difficult to meet up again since a month ago which got me frustrated a little bit . I shared my frustration of not being able to see her more often to her which she replied with " shall we accept it's not going to work between us since we live so far apart " ? I re assured her I think she is a great lady worth knowing and that Im happy to work around her busy schedule if she'll do the same . She replied and said she is more than happy to work around my schedule and that we are going to be less busy once Christmas is over . I asked her again today if she is still bothered with the distance between us ( just to make sure ) ; she told me she isn't bothered but it's hard to get to know each other . I assured her again that It is possible for me to get a transfer ( work ) to her city in April but for the meantime , we should spend enough time ( twice weekly ) and get to know each other but she says we should see how it goes when we meet ( in 2 week time ) and take it from there . We haven't kissed yet though we've held hands and hugged passionately (continuously for a minute or so ) Do you think I've blown this one ? I'll definitely go in for a kiss when we meet but is there anything else I can do ? Is she interested ? I'm 33 and she is 32 - we met on a dating site . Thank you
small lady Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 You seem to be pushing her into moving forward with your relationship at a rate that she isn't quite comfortable with. What she probably meant by waiting until you next see each other to get to know each other better is that she wants things to slow down a bit and just happen, rather than you setting a schedule for you both. She appears to like you and be interested in you, but I wouldn't mention you transferring to her city unless she brings it up! So, just slow down and enjoy each others company!
Author louiix Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 I think you are right about me moving too quick for her . I must admit being frustrated of not being able see her whilst communicating everyday . We basically communicate just like a couple . Thanks for your advise im going to slow down and never talk about moving . Also i will make contact much lesser and let her speed it up if she wants to ( but what if she doesnt speed things up and expect me to take the lead ) . How do I lead at a slow pace ?
small lady Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 There's nothing wrong with the amount that you're talking now, if you're both enjoying talking to each other then don't change a thing! It's frustrating when you like someone so much and you constantly wish you could see them, have you been in an LDR relationship before? If this is your first then trust me, it will get easier as time goes on. Just make sure that you always have a date to look forward to where you know you'll be seeing each other!
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 An hour doesn't come close to qualifying as an LDR in my book. To me an LDR requires a 4+ hour one way drive or a relationship where somebody needs to board a plane. At the holidays everybody's schedules get too tight. You can't judge a new relationship solely on time spent between Thanksgiving & New Years because there just aren't enough hours in the day. If you are talking & otherwise getting along well, try to schedule a date for NYE. What's in the middle of you two? A half hour drive sounds perfect. 1
small lady Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 An hour drive qualifies perfectly as an LDR, that is the distance that me and my boyfriend had before I moved up. A relationship wherein you don't have the luxury to see each other at least a couple of times a week and most of your time is spent texting or calling and you have to wait to see them is a long distance relationship.
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 An hour drive qualifies perfectly as an LDR, that is the distance that me and my boyfriend had before I moved up. A relationship wherein you don't have the luxury to see each other at least a couple of times a week and most of your time is spent texting or calling and you have to wait to see them is a long distance relationship. For an hour's drive, I still saw people daily so it's a perspective issue. I only offered that opinion so the OP could understand some of where I was coming from.
Author louiix Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 So , how do I slow down in this particular settings ???
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 So , how do I slow down in this particular settings ??? I don't think it's possible for you to go any slower. If she's bothered by the pace of your contacts, limit them to every other day, perhaps.
oldshirt Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 People ars getting hung up on the distance here and being distracted by the real issue. The real issue here is she doesn't really want anything more from this and he does. People do what they want to do. If she wanted to see him more than twice in 3 months she would have. Distance is being used as an excuse here. If she lived across the street it would that she was too busy at work or that she had just got out of a bad relationship. Hate to be the bearer of bad news here Louiix but you are waaay more emotionally invested here than what she is. You are seeing this as a significant and developed relationship and she is seeing it as little more than pen pals. IMHO if you want a real relationship in the actual physical world, stop sinking time and energy into this pen pal and find someone that you can actually date in real life and not just cyber-chat with in the electronic world. 2
oldshirt Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I've shared my frustration of not being able to see her more often to her which she replied with " shall we accept it's not going to work between us since we live so far apart " ? I asked her again today if she is still bothered with the distance between us ( just to make sure ) ; she told me she isn't bothered but it's hard to get to know each other. This is all the proof you need. She just isn't that invested. If she wanted to see you she would. If she wanted to get to know you she would. If she wanted to kiss you she would. Consider it a near miss and move on. There's no foul here and no wrongdoing by anyone. It's just a failure to launch. That happens all the time. You didn't screw anything up here Loui and you didn't blow it. It just wasn't meant to be. The only mistake to be made here is if you keep chasing this windmill. 1
William Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Folks, let's work the thread starter's relationship issue and consider the distance argument to be resolved; moderation has deleted that meta-discussion. Thank you!
Author louiix Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 (edited) How come she is coming over to my flat so we can hang out ? she knows I like to cook , so she challenged me ( in a teasing manner) to surprise her with a meal . What is all this about then ???? Edited December 24, 2013 by louiix editing
d0nnivain Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 She likes you? What's the problem? Yea, I get there is distance but that can be overcome. Yes, she said she wants to take it slow but in some ways that's code for don't risk my heart yet, I'm afraid of getting hurt. Make her an awesome meal & enjoy your time together.
jracksd Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I do not think you have "blown" it as you say. Long distance relationships have this kind of up and down roller coaster. The best thing you can do is keep communication high and do your best to be there for her. Move when you can if you are really into her, as I did with mine but the important thing is to make sure you talk frequently to make that effort to get to know each other.
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 So she lives an hour drive away from my city , we communicate ( phone call , text , email ) almost everyday , we've met twice in 3 months , she uses "us" and "we" in her sentence especially when referring to something in the future. She always text or call back or go the extreme mile to explain why it took her long time to get back to me . So basically , communication and level of interest are going well in my point of view . Now , due to our work schedule , it's been difficult to meet up again since a month ago which got me frustrated a little bit . I shared my frustration of not being able to see her more often to her which she replied with " shall we accept it's not going to work between us since we live so far apart " ? I re assured her I think she is a great lady worth knowing and that Im happy to work around her busy schedule if she'll do the same . She replied and said she is more than happy to work around my schedule and that we are going to be less busy once Christmas is over . I asked her again today if she is still bothered with the distance between us ( just to make sure ) ; she told me she isn't bothered but it's hard to get to know each other . I assured her again that It is possible for me to get a transfer ( work ) to her city in April but for the meantime , we should spend enough time ( twice weekly ) and get to know each other but she says we should see how it goes when we meet ( in 2 week time ) and take it from there . We haven't kissed yet though we've held hands and hugged passionately (continuously for a minute or so ) Do you think I've blown this one ? I'll definitely go in for a kiss when we meet but is there anything else I can do ? Is she interested ? I'm 33 and she is 32 - we met on a dating site . Thank you She's absolutely full of it. If she were a teenager this might be understandable but an hour IS NOT long distance. Many many many many people commute ONE WAY to work way longer than that!!! I could see someone multiple times a week with that short distance. Oh please. Twice in 3 months + meeting on dating site means she is most likely multi-dating. You seem really into her, she sees this and is using you as a backup plan. In the future I would suggest mirroring the behavior of your interest and if after an extended period of time it's the same bs just move on. She is not sold on you the way you are sold on her. No legit excuses of why she couldn't see you. Cut your losses and take it slower with the next chick (emotionally) and don't be the only one putting in on the effort. I believe than men are hunters by nature but us women have to show requited interest to seal the deal. And you will give off super creepy potential stalker vibes by transferring cities to be closer. ARE YOU MAD?? 1st of all 1hr is no feat by any stretch of the imagination and you haven't even solidified your relationship and from the looks of it, it's not worth it because she's just not that into you. LOL where are the guys like you when I need em?? 1
FitChick Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I used to see my ex twice in three months and he lived in another country! Is she still on the dating site? If so, you need to keep your profile just as active. If she notices, so much the better. Who knows, you might actually meet someone closer who wants to be with you.
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