LivingDeadGrl Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I am just wondering how often one should talk to someone they've been seeing for about a month. I spoke to the guy I am dating for probably 2 weeks before we met, we would talk all day and night almost. We met, hit it off and it's been probably 1 1/2 months we've been seeing each other all together. We still talked all day and night through texts and phone calls...Telling one another we really like each other a lot. Lately we haven't been talking to each other as much (the last 2-3 days), I still get the good morning beautiful texts, but we aren't constantly talking anymore. On my side of things, I feel like maybe he is losing interest. Maybe he feels the same about me I don't know, I haven't been messaging him as often either because I feel like since he isn't messaging me there's a reason... I slept at his house on Saturday night for the first time (we were intimate for the first time as well) and things were great. We have plans to hang out on Boxing day and sleep over at his house again. We have also made plans to go away for a weekend in January and we have discussed how we feel about each other a lot. I am just wondering if it's normal to go from constantly talking 24/7 to toning it down? I feel like asking him if anything is wrong but I don't want to come off as clingy or anything. So far we've always been on the same page so I don't want to assume anything, and I don't think he'd lead me on or lie to me. What do you think?
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Nobody can keep up the constant pace of the very beginning. If you are still getting the good morning texts, you are ahead of the curve. Call him when you want to talk but have something to say.
mammasita Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I had the same experience with my guy and I had the exact same feelings that you are feeling. My first question to you is are you "official" or are you still just in the exclusive dating phase? I don't think it makes a huge difference either way, but in my case we were already official. I simply asked if everything was ok because I was driving myself crazy thinking he was losing interest. Turns out everything was/is ok. All I know is that men don't think the same as us, so don't for one second think that how you are feeling is what he is feeling. He's probably breezing along thinking everything is wonderful. That said....don't hold back, message him! The one thing I've learned is this: If you feel like something is amiss. Speak up. If he is worth your time, he will adress your concerns and alleviate your worries. If he's a douche and simply doesn't care, he'll brush you off. Figure this out early. Most importantly approach him rationally and in a non accusatory way. "Hey babe, is everything ok at work/home/with us/etc? Just wondering - haven't been hearing from you as much the past couple days and I miss your voice/texts" 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 I know that things are obviously going to slow down after a while, but it's still in the early stages and we have both said that we are not seeing anyone else and only want each other.... But I wouldn't exactly say we're exclusive yet? We haven't exactly had that talk saying we are boyfriend/girlfriend but he has referred to himself as my boyfriend before. His friends and family all know about me and vice versa, I haven't met anyone yet but it's always the "you'll meet them, I am sure you will like so and so" etc. I will send him a message and see how his day is going. I just feel like he's not as talkative as he was before. Maybe I am just being paranoid.
Lovingsomeone2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I've also been dating someone for a little over a month. I still get the "good morning beautiful" texts, but they are sporadic now and not as consistent as they were in the beginning. Do I get the slight panic when I don't get them that there might be something going on or rather asking myself "uh oh, what's happening, why are they tapering off" sure I do, but almost as soon as I start feeling that way I get some sort of glimmer that things are fine, either I'll get another text from him or we'll talk on the phone and he'll say something that brightens my day. I don't think there should be any time limits set on how often you should call or he should call or you shouldn't call, etc. I've played those games so many times in relationships it's sickening. My feeling is if you want to call pick up the phone and do it, if you want to text, then text. This person needs to know you for who you really are, not who you're trying to control yourself to be. If you're one who likes to talk, likes to call just to say hello then so be it. I started feeling that way when I first became involved with the man I'm dating and quickly I said screw it if I want to call him I will. There have been times I've texted him and less than 5 minutes later picked up the phone can called him. I just feel he needs to know me for who I truly am, he needs to know that I'm impulsive so he may receive a text from me and 30 seconds later I just decide to call instead. I think it's better for a guy to know the real you from the get go (and you know the real him too) rather than trying to control everything in hopes that by controlling it you'll come off as less eager, etc. Just be yourself and if he's really into you he won't care. Now on the flip side if you're calling him every 1/2 an hour (which I know you're not - just using as an example) then that's probably a little over the top :-) 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Thanks for the advice. You're right, I just need to be myself and call or text when I want to. If it bothers him he will say so and so far all he's said if I think I am bugging him is "You know I'd drop anything for you" I texted him just after my last post and he said he was just about to text me, then he called. He reiterated our plans and we had a really good convo. I think I just need to put my fears to rest and try not to over think things. I am guilty of that - over thinking.
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 So now I am back tracking: After our phone convo at lunch yesterday I texted him again at about 6pm. He told me he was making dinner and how excited he was to get to spend 2 days with me without having to worry about work or anything. I told him I was excited too and how awesome he is. That the next two days would be long for me surrounded by drunk people and not being able to see him (im spending xmas eve and day at a friends with my daughter, who he hasn't met yet. That is why I haven't invited him, I think it's too early to introduce him to my kid) Then he didn't respond. We were in mid convo so I believe it's not because there was nothing to say. I didn't hear from him all night, and still have not received a good morning text. I am going to text him and ask if everything's okay or if he choked on his dinner and died last night or something, because most people don't just drop off the face of the earth mid convo... I think my intuition is right. It usually is... That he's either losing interest or getting cold feet - I just hate not being told the truth and I hate being screwed around. For all I know he used me for sex, but I don't think he'd have mentioned me to his family and said the things he's said if it was all just for sex. It's not like I gave it up right away either. If he's not interested anymore then why make plans with me for the 26th and 27th? I am so confused.
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