cj5788 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 My boyfriend recently broke up with me 3 days ago after 7 years. Perfect timing since it will Christmas in 2 days. I am 25 and he is 31. He was snooping around on my Facebook and found a conversation with an ex boyfriend I dated in high school. His dad is friends with my family so I know some of his family very well. He also now has a son (which is great for him, he was getting serious into drugs and this child saved him in my opinion) and his brother also committed suicide 2 years ago and Although I haven't seen him in about 8 years, I ran into him a week before Thanksgiving at my moms house. He was there helping her work outside around the house. He had asked that we meet up sometime so I could meet his son. I said sure but never really reached to do so. He messaged me last week on FB. Our conversation consisted of the holiday season, how our families are doing, and ect. Before I logged off I made the statement being we didn't meet up over Thanksgiving break maybe over Christmas break we could meet up since he would have his son for Christmas. Well after my bf found the conversation, he told me to start looking for another place to live. I'm heartbroken. There was nothing coming from this. It was like seeing a high school friend that haven't seen in years. I could understand why he would be mad and upset but not to break up over it. He had did this same exact thing to me years ago when he saved a convo.on my computer (note that in his conversation his ex was confessing her love to him ect.) but he told me to mind my own business. We have been looking into building a home and everything. My mom was giving us land as well. He broke up with me in the past 2 other times but we ended up getting back together within a couple months. At those times we were struggling in the relationship. I also feel like when he is stressed out or doesn't want to deal with things this is the easy way out. This time everything was perfect until he read my conversation. I just don't know what to do. I'm devastated and hurt. We also work together. He is a band director and I'm his assistant. So I can't not talk to him/ or not see him.
chris21422 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 So you currently living with him and working with him?? Can't you find a new place and a new job? My boyfriend recently broke up with me 3 days ago after 7 years. Perfect timing since it will Christmas in 2 days. I am 25 and he is 31. He was snooping around on my Facebook and found a conversation with an ex boyfriend I dated in high school. His dad is friends with my family so I know some of his family very well. He also now has a son (which is great for him, he was getting serious into drugs and this child saved him in my opinion) and his brother also committed suicide 2 years ago and Although I haven't seen him in about 8 years, I ran into him a week before Thanksgiving at my moms house. He was there helping her work outside around the house. He had asked that we meet up sometime so I could meet his son. I said sure but never really reached to do so. He messaged me last week on FB. Our conversation consisted of the holiday season, how our families are doing, and ect. Before I logged off I made the statement being we didn't meet up over Thanksgiving break maybe over Christmas break we could meet up since he would have his son for Christmas. Well after my bf found the conversation, he told me to start looking for another place to live. I'm heartbroken. There was nothing coming from this. It was like seeing a high school friend that haven't seen in years. I could understand why he would be mad and upset but not to break up over it. He had did this same exact thing to me years ago when he saved a convo.on my computer (note that in his conversation his ex was confessing her love to him ect.) but he told me to mind my own business. We have been looking into building a home and everything. My mom was giving us land as well. He broke up with me in the past 2 other times but we ended up getting back together within a couple months. At those times we were struggling in the relationship. I also feel like when he is stressed out or doesn't want to deal with things this is the easy way out. This time everything was perfect until he read my conversation. I just don't know what to do. I'm devastated and hurt. We also work together. He is a band director and I'm his assistant. So I can't not talk to him/ or not see him.
Author cj5788 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Yes I currently live with him. I'm looking for a new place now. I'm in a contract so Im stuck with working with him.
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I hate to say this but you may have dodged a bullet. A catch up conversation with somebody from high school that included no flirting should not be the cause of the break up of a healthy 7 year relationship. If your BF read the whole convo but still got so upset that he broke up with you he's very insecure, doesn't trust you & may have been looking for a reason to end this. Especially since you forgave him for doing worse, this guy sounds mighty selfish. When he calms down, I expect if you want to, you may be able to repair this. However, think long & hard about doing that. 1
NoLeafClover Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Nothing worse than going on your girl's facebook and find out she's been talking to another dude..she used to be with. I don't know wtf the person above me is is talking about, I don't know too many people that would be okay with that. There was no reason why you were talking to your ex first of all and the worse thing was that you did not tell your boyfriend of 7 years about it. Technically you were making plans to meet him and what not. I can't really argue what your current bf did in the past but that is not an excuse to go behind his back. Some people need to stop being so bias on here just because someone came on here and made an account does not mean you are not at fault. Honesty is the key in a relationship. If you were not being honest with your man and he found out about something you kept from him, then he has every right to be the way he is. He lost the trust he built for you ..which took 7 years. You can give him food, water, money ...your mother's land...none of these are enough to keep someone from walking away after that someone feels betrayed. I don't think there is a way of repairing this. You brought your ex into the picture and were keeping tabs on him. Even if you two get back together, chances are this will come up again and start an argument. I'd say move on, find someone else and let this be a lesson in the future. 4
Author cj5788 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 I wasn't hiding it from him. I'm very open with him. He has my passwords ect. to everything. It was a possibility of me going to meet with my ex for some coffee and to see his kid. I haven't talked to this kid since the 10th grade - about 8 years ago until around Thanksgiving when I stopped to see my mom and he was there. He than sent me a message on FB. Were not even "friends" on fb. Everyone that knows us is saying he is insecure. I understand to be upset but not break up. If I was trying to hide something I would have deleted the conversation ect.
Philosoraptor Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Nothing worse than going on your girl's facebook and find out she's been talking to another dude..she used to be with. I don't know wtf the person above me is is talking about, I don't know too many people that would be okay with that. There was no reason why you were talking to your ex first of all and the worse thing was that you did not tell your boyfriend of 7 years about it. Technically you were making plans to meet him and what not. I can't really argue what your current bf did in the past but that is not an excuse to go behind his back. Some people need to stop being so bias on here just because someone came on here and made an account does not mean you are not at fault. Honesty is the key in a relationship. If you were not being honest with your man and he found out about something you kept from him, then he has every right to be the way he is. He lost the trust he built for you ..which took 7 years. You can give him food, water, money ...your mother's land...none of these are enough to keep someone from walking away after that someone feels betrayed. I don't think there is a way of repairing this. You brought your ex into the picture and were keeping tabs on him. Even if you two get back together, chances are this will come up again and start an argument. I'd say move on, find someone else and let this be a lesson in the future. Wait a second here... she had an innocent conversation. If she is being honest here about what was said in this conversation then her boyfriend totally overreacted. You seem bitter NoLeafClover. She didn't meet this guy nor is it known that she would not have told her boyfriend (or even taken him with her) to this meetup once actual plans were made. There was nothing done behind his back and he needn't be privy to every conversation she had. It was general chit chat and a mention of possibly catching up in person one day. _______________________________________________ cj5788, your boyfriend went over the line here. He ended the relationship over a hypothetical that he went further with in the past himself. I'm sorry but it seems there is more to this than a simple conversation full of holiday chit chat. He seems incredibly insecure and emotionally immature. I'd gamble he wanted to end things and is using this to end them guilt free.
CaliBabe Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I'd gamble he wanted to end things and is using this to end them guilt free. This was my thought exactly.
Trapito Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I hate to say this but you may have dodged a bullet. A catch up conversation with somebody from high school that included no flirting should not be the cause of the break up of a healthy 7 year relationship. If your BF read the whole convo but still got so upset that he broke up with you he's very insecure, doesn't trust you & may have been looking for a reason to end this. Especially since you forgave him for doing worse, this guy sounds mighty selfish. When he calms down, I expect if you want to, you may be able to repair this. However, think long & hard about doing that. ^^This! You were not hiding anything, it was just an innocent catch up. You shouldn't be punished for a simple catch up. Even if he got mad, he should have talked to you, not dump you. Especially since he has done far worse. Is he projecting maybe? 1
Mr me to Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Nothing worse than going on your girl's facebook and find out she's been talking to another dude..she used to be with. I don't know wtf the person above me is is talking about, I don't know too many people that would be okay with that. There was no reason why you were talking to your ex first of all and the worse thing was that you did not tell your boyfriend of 7 years about it. Technically you were making plans to meet him and what not. I can't really argue what your current bf did in the past but that is not an excuse to go behind his back. Some people need to stop being so bias on here just because someone came on here and made an account does not mean you are not at fault. Honesty is the key in a relationship. If you were not being honest with your man and he found out about something you kept from him, then he has every right to be the way he is. He lost the trust he built for you ..which took 7 years. You can give him food, water, money ...your mother's land...none of these are enough to keep someone from walking away after that someone feels betrayed. I don't think there is a way of repairing this. You brought your ex into the picture and were keeping tabs on him. Even if you two get back together, chances are this will come up again and start an argument. I'd say move on, find someone else and let this be a lesson in the future. Completely agree Every relationship has its own unwritten rules and boundaries once these are broken its hard to go back. Why would you feel the need to meet up with an ex from 8 years ago and why would you not tell your bf about it? Facebook is a relationship killer, my ex was sending pictures to some guy she knew years ago through Facebook, I received one of the emails thanking her for them when I questioned her about it she lied. I logged into her Facebook and exposed her deceit to the world. I regret doing so the damage was unrepairable now I'm on these forums everyday crying about how I want her back go figure. Anyway speak to your bf when he has cooled down. Redefine what you both believe is acceptable and what is not if you come to some mutual agreement then try and put it behind you if not obviously you have incompatible morals.
Haydn Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Please block. Your kids need you more than Facebook! I leaned the hard way with my daughter, dont do the same friend. Completely agree Every relationship has its own unwritten rules and boundaries once these are broken its hard to go back. Why would you feel the need to meet up with an ex from 8 years ago and why would you not tell your bf about it? Facebook is a relationship killer, my ex was sending pictures to some guy she knew years ago through Facebook, I received one of the emails thanking her for them when I questioned her about it she lied. I logged into her Facebook and exposed her deceit to the world. I regret doing so the damage was unrepairable now I'm on these forums everyday crying about how I want her back go figure. Anyway speak to your bf when he has cooled down. Redefine what you both believe is acceptable and what is not if you come to some mutual agreement then try and put it behind you if not obviously you have incompatible morals.
lil hoodlum Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 The man is 31 years old and he acts like this? Throws away a 7 year relationship over a single chat on FB? Seems like there is more to the story. 2
xpaperxcutx Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 If it was a simple conversation that relates to catching up I don't understand the need to break up. After all, you had nothing to hide, and you said the conversation was very innocent. A normal, sane and respectful SO would have not reacted the way your bf had. If it was simple disapproval about keeping exes in your life, he could have simply told you it's great you are doing catch up, but out of respect for your current relationship, you can tell you can't meet him at all. End of story. I think your bf is a selfish prick.
Simplysimon Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Why do you needling talk yo an ex. Their ex,s for a reason, then arrange to meet. I wouldn't be happy either. I would have discussed it first but have you ever done anything similar before? He's a it out of order regards his ex as well.. Fb sucks and causes so many arguments...dump it..
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