New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

After moving out of his house a week ago and then breaking No Contact after 6 days, I decided to make the important decision to finally accept the break up and let go.

 

I changed my number. I was in the shower thinking (usually the best thoughts in there ) and I knew that if he were to contact me, I would most likely respond and repeat the vicious cycle. Even though him contacting me would boost my ego, I knew I would eventually be pulled back in. History tends to repeat itself and he was always coming back and I was always letting him. Not anymore, I've learned that if you want change in your life, you have to do something different.

 

So, I got out of the shower and before I could change my mind, logged onto my phone company and changed my number. It was as easy as 1-2-3.

 

How do I feel? Well, it seemed impossible till it was done. It's sort of relieving not having to jump every time my phone goes off wondering if it is him. Plus, if he were to never contact me again it would be painful to know that and probably prolong the pain. AND, if he were to contact me, I won't have to decide whether to ignore or not, and then feel *guilty* for ignoring or responding and falling back into the cycle. BLAH.

 

I'm leaving tonight for my mom's for Christmas, I won't be able to log on as much and maybe that's a good thing. Sometimes coming here just makes me think about my ex even more.

 

I also have my psychologist appointment this Thursday. And I've been taking my Klonopin/Xanax for my anxiety and haven't had any panic attacks. Which is a blessing.

 

Sunday, I went to the bookstore and got 4 books:

1. The Best Advice I Ever Got by Katie Couric

2. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

3. Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie

4. Obsessive Love by Susan Forward

oh and

5. Chocolate for a Woman's Heart by Kay Allenbaugh (borrowed from a friend)

 

Any books that you guys would recommend? I love reading!!

 

Anyways, I guess it's not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.

[Volthi10]

 

Sunday, I went to the bookstore and got 4 books:

1. The Best Advice I Ever Got by Katie Couric

2. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

3. Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie

4. Obsessive Love by Susan Forward

oh and

5. Chocolate for a Woman's Heart by Kay Allenbaugh (borrowed from a friend)

 

.

 

you chose great books!! I am currently reading.. The Language of Letting go by Melody Beattie and I love it! I look forward to reading the rest of her books..let me know how you like them... I know for me it has been helpful in my process of accepting and loving myself without the need to have a man or other people make me happy.... I myself am going through a very confusing break up...but I read my book and pray every day...things will fall into place eventually...

[Why so consistent]

Anyways, I guess it's not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.

 

That's what I'm talking about ! The only way people will love you more ,never lost yourself for whoever and what you are sorry for bad English again

[chris21422]

good job changing your number! so many people suggest that since you moved.

 

see? now you don't need to check your phone minute by minute and it feels good..

 

Cause look changing your number and disappearing is not gonna stop them if they really want you back..

 

They will move mountains if they want you back.. good job cotton! I'm really happy for you.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

good job changing your number! so many people suggest that since you moved.

 

see? now you don't need to check your phone minute by minute and it feels good..

 

Cause look changing your number and disappearing is not gonna stop them if they really want you back..

 

They will move mountains if they want you back.. good job cotton! I'm really happy for you.

 

Thank you. I'm starting to feel the after effects of it now. How final it is.

 

When does the wondering go away?

[chris21422]

Trust me. when I blocked my ex number at first I unblocked it a few times but then I realize one day that

 

WTF I am Doing?? Why I am waiting for a text message/call from my ex to change her mind about us???

 

I rather spent my day being productive.. Improving myself, Getting financially stable and Meeting someone else instead of waiting my phone to ring?!

 

It's hard at first but It just takes time you will get used to it.. You will realize one day that you are better than that.

 

And you will start to love yourself more and more and realize that you don't need someone to be happy because you can be happy with yourself without him/her!

 

 

 

 

Thank you. I'm starting to feel the after effects of it now. How final it is.

 

When does the wondering go away?

[mammasita]

I read #2 & 3 when I got the ILYBINILWY line from my ex.

 

Great books, they helped me when I was at my lowest.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I read #2 & 3 when I got the ILYBINILWY line from my ex.

 

Great books, they helped me when I was at my lowest.

 

Yea I got the ILYBNILWY and it literally wrecked me. But it's common with commitment phobes.

 

I just started Codependent No More...I hope it makes a huge difference for me like it has other people. I really need it.

 

This is the first time since the breakup that I just feel really low.

 

Did you read any other books?

[CaliBabe]

I am so proud of you!!!

 

You are there. You are changing your life. You will look back in a few months and really take pride in the decision you have made for yourself right now. You are an inspiration to people who are in a similar situation. They see how strong you are and how you are making decsions for yourself, although painful they are necessary.

 

I am certain God will bring you a special man. You just cleared the way for him to come to you.

 

So proud of you Cotton!

 

Oh, as far as books... I love "Why men love bitches" by Sherry Argov. Get it!!!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

The longer you stay NC, the less you will wonder. You have to go cold turkey for it to work. I'm glad you changed your number.

 

Cold turkey is painful!! lol But I'm starting off small...30 days of NC and then when I reach that...I will do another 30 days...and so on. Or should I take it week by week? I've never actually done this (the proper way) so I just want to do it the right way this time.

 

Some things I'll be discussing with my therapist:

-Codependency

-Low Self Esteem (I don't think I'm fat or ugly, but obviously I must not value myself if I took back a guy who said he isn't in love with me and treated me poorly)

-Letting go

 

What is the best form of therapy? Does talking really help someone move on and let go?

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I am so proud of you!!!

 

You are there. You are changing your life. You will look back in a few months and really take pride in the decision you have made for yourself right now. You are an inspiration to people who are in a similar situation. They see how strong you are and how you are making decsions for yourself, although painful they are necessary.

 

I am certain God will bring you a special man. You just cleared the way for him to come to you.

 

So proud of you Cotton!

 

Oh, as far as books... I love "Why men love bitches" by Sherry Argov. Get it!!!

 

Thanks :-) I'm not really that strong yet. But I'm working towards it! But once you have the hard tasks completed (moving out and changing my number) it's almost like it gets boring/easy because now all you have to do is keep quiet. haha Can't be that hard, right? ;-)

 

I just hope I can overcome this in a few months, versus years! They say NC gets you over them faster than anything else, right?

 

I want marriage and kids and a respectful committed man. That's what keeps me going for now...looking into the future and realizing what I now have the opportunity to find that.

 

I don't understand why I miss a guy who wasn't good for me. All you psychologist fanatics, what is that? Attachment? Can't be love, right?

[Still Searching]

 

I want marriage and kids and a respectful committed man. That's what keeps me going for now...looking into the future and realizing what I now have the opportunity to find that.

 

 

 

 

I want those things in life, too. Marriage, kids, a home. That's what made it easier for me to let go of my ex. I may have been able to get those things with her, but when I asked myself if I saw her being there by my side 10, 20 years from now, the obvious answer was no. She'd come and gone 3 times in a year and a half, broken that trust, and so I let go. Maybe this'll help you, too.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Low self esteem. The longer someone batters you, the more you believe the hype.

 

How horribly sad.

 

I want my self esteem back!! haha

 

I think it started when I moved out and changed my number, I know deep down inside he is not good for me and I deserve better.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I want those things in life, too. Marriage, kids, a home. That's what made it easier for me to let go of my ex. I may have been able to get those things with her, but when I asked myself if I saw her being there by my side 10, 20 years from now, the obvious answer was no. She'd come and gone 3 times in a year and a half, broken that trust, and so I let go. Maybe this'll help you, too.

 

Yup. Same here. He would not have been by my side. Good riddance for us, kind sir!

 

We will be better off for it in a few months. Stay strong with me! <3

[Robbyrob]

i know its probably hard for all of us, but we will get out of there. and at some point its like we are getting "prepared" for something better and bigger in life. we only learn from the mistakes others or we do!

 

once we are over an ex we feel stronger, more confident, mature and we know what to possibly avoid...

 

keep it going the good way!!! we deserve better, all of us

[Trapito]

Wow! I didn't see this one coming. I am very proud of you, you did a very good thing for your healing.

 

Codependent no more really is a great book. I learned quite a lot by reading this book. Wat was hard for me, was accepting that the person I loved had his own mindset. You can only change yourself, not someone else. By accepting that I have no influence on a situation or another person's thinking, started to heal. This doesn't only work for romantic relations, this works for al kind of relations (friends, family, work, etc.).

 

Hang in there!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Wow! I didn't see this one coming. I am very proud of you, you did a very good thing for your healing.

 

Codependent no more really is a great book. I learned quite a lot by reading this book. Wat was hard for me, was accepting that the person I loved had his own mindset. You can only change yourself, not someone else. By accepting that I have no influence on a situation or another person's thinking, started to heal. This doesn't only work for romantic relations, this works for al kind of relations (friends, family, work, etc.).

 

Hang in there!

 

To be honest, it was your earnest attitude and similar experience that helped me make that final step. I printed out what you wrote about my ex being an "asshat" and have a copy of it in my wallet for low times. I read it enough already that it made me realize that I need to block his number because I don't want him coming back into my life. There would be no good reason for it.

 

It is hard for me also to accept that the person I loved had his own mindset and there is NOTHING I can do to change it. No amount of contact or no contact will have an effect on him.

 

But reading that book helps me realize that I do have the power to change myself. Even though I can't change the outcome, I can change how I respond to it.

 

Blocking his number will definitely help me heal.

 

Thanks so much to not only Trapito, but everyone else for kicking me in the arse to get it done. Now that I'm here, it's a lot less stressful (but boring, if that makes sense).

[Trapito]

To be honest, it was your earnest attitude and similar experience that helped me make that final step. I printed out what you wrote about my ex being an "asshat" and have a copy of it in my wallet for low times. I read it enough already that it made me realize that I need to block his number because I don't want him coming back into my life. There would be no good reason for it.

 

It is hard for me also to accept that the person I loved had his own mindset and there is NOTHING I can do to change it. No amount of contact or no contact will have an effect on him.

 

But reading that book helps me realize that I do have the power to change myself. Even though I can't change the outcome, I can change how I respond to it.

 

Blocking his number will definitely help me heal.

 

Thanks so much to not only Trapito, but everyone else for kicking me in the arse to get it done. Now that I'm here, it's a lot less stressful (but boring, if that makes sense).

 

Aaahh.. You made me blush. Glad I could help.

 

I snooped around a little and read your thread about you taking a break because you felt you did all the heavy lifting in the relationship. Heart wrenching, it hit home for me. By putting in all that hard work and him doing nothing, you become insecure, needy and maby a little bit whiney. But, by going back again and again, you were enabling his asshat behavior. Hell, it even got worse after he broke up with you. He became an even bigger asshat with no respect what so ever for you. This person deserves NO place in your fabulous aura.

 

There will be good times, healing times. You may slip up a couple of times, but after a couple of moths (with the proper steps and healing tools) you WILL feel better. No more asshats for you, you are fabulous!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Aaahh.. You made me blush. Glad I could help.

 

I snooped around a little and read your thread about you taking a break because you felt you did all the heavy lifting in the relationship. Heart wrenching, it hit home for me. By putting in all that hard work and him doing nothing, you become insecure, needy and maby a little bit whiney. But, by going back again and again, you were enabling his asshat behavior. Hell, it even got worse after he broke up with you. He became an even bigger asshat with no respect what so ever for you. This person deserves NO place in your fabulous aura.

 

There will be good times, healing times. You may slip up a couple of times, but after a couple of moths (with the proper steps and healing tools) you WILL feel better. No more asshats for you, you are fabulous!

 

Yea I noticed how he got worse after the breakup. It's sad!!

 

But I did nothing to deserve that behavior.

 

I have good times and bad times everyday. Right now it's kind of a balance.

 

My proper steps will be NC, checking in on here, seeing my Psychologist weekly, taking my meds, journaling, reading, hanging out with friends/family, laughing and exercising.

 

Oh ya and if you mean slipping up as breaking NC, helllll no I won't!!!

[legion113]

Opening to channel is a good book. Find your spirit guides, or higher self, you never feel alone anymore. Sometimes they piss me off though, where I just tell them to come in front of me and I demand answers, especially when they tell me something and then later back track about what they said when it doesn't pan out...fun stuff. usually though, when I look back at what they said exactly. they weren't exactly lying, it was more like I was taking what they said HOW I wanted to.

[Trapito]

Yea I noticed how he got worse after the breakup. It's sad!!

 

But I did nothing to deserve that behavior.

 

I have good times and bad times everyday. Right now it's kind of a balance.

 

My proper steps will be NC, checking in on here, seeing my Psychologist weekly, taking my meds, journaling, reading, hanging out with friends/family, laughing and exercising.

 

Oh ya and if you mean slipping up as breaking NC, helllll no I won't!!!

 

No you didn't deserve asshat behavior, nobody does. You seem like such a sweet, nice and caring person.

 

And by slipping up I didn't mean breaking NC, I believe you can do this. What I meant was, you will have good days and bad days. If you feel weak and want to cry, no shame in that. What helped me, was buying a punching bag and imagine it was the asshat's face, lol. Great work out by the way

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Opening to channel is a good book. Find your spirit guides, or higher self, you never feel alone anymore. Sometimes they piss me off though, where I just tell them to come in front of me and I demand answers, especially when they tell me something and then later back track about what they said when it doesn't pan out...fun stuff. usually though, when I look back at what they said exactly. they weren't exactly lying, it was more like I was taking what they said HOW I wanted to.

 

Funny you mention this. I have spirit guides. Very familiar with them. Some people think I'm crazy, but whatever.

 

I told them to give me a sign....for the past 2 weeks...I've seen the number 66 EVERYWHERE. Have no idea what it means.

[legion113]

Sometimes that's all they are giving you...signs..just like you asked. May not mean anything..well, maybe hop on route 66.

How many do you have? I've got like 5, well guess you shouldn't count your higher self.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Sometimes that's all they are giving you...signs..just like you asked. May not mean anything..well, maybe hop on route 66.

How many do you have? I've got like 5, well guess you shouldn't count your higher self.

 

Just 1.

 

Who knows, maybe it's just my subconscious mind.

[legion113]

No, it seems like that, I mean what else can they do to get messages to you, but use your thoughts and memories. Usually you'll find that they are a bit more objective about things, like your breakup. If you listen to them, they'll tell you everything you need to know, and guide you.