unbeknown Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Okay so I've been dating this girl for a few months now but I'm not really getting anything back from her. I think she has been messed around in the past (even noticed self harm scars on her arm, I don't hold that against her) but she definitely has a lot of barriers. We've kissed and she's kissed me back. Hold hands. Cuddle in bed (she initiates). But that's as far as it goes and even though we text every day and she replies within 15 minutes everysingle time even when she's with friends I've not seen her for nearly 3 weeks (and we live close). It just feels like I'm putting in a lot more effort than her and that's never healthy so I decided to make up a short list of pros and cons. Pros She has cool style/dress sense Likes art just as much as me She's insanely cute and doesn't wear make up Cons Stays out partying till 5,6,7am 4-5 times a week. Takes drugs (weed, mdma, coke). Flakes on dates (does suggest others herself tho). Never initiates texting. Invites people back to her house after partying always (Does she sleep with them, who knows). Doesn't like music (quite a big thing for me, I relate a lot more to people who like my music). Used to self harm (not really an issue for me but prob is for her). Even with there being more cons than pros and the cons being a lot worse why do I still like her so much? Surely most people would have ejected from this situation by now? I guess I already know the answer, date other people, but any other advice on how I can clear my head on this one, maybe give me a kick up the ass, all appreciated
soccerrprp Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Infatuation (or love) is a peculiar and dangerous thing (and pretty awesome when it works out). I suspect that b/c she is unattainable, that piques your interest. Also, you are feeling alone and needing some affirmation by being in a relationship, so you diminish her negatives in the hopes of starting a relationship with this girl. Dangerous. This girl, from your cons, is bad news. Look, I'm dating a woman who has had a questionable PAST. But she's working on it and gives me a great deal of attention, love, affection and continues to deal with her past to the best of her ability. This girl you are talking about doesn't. The relationship is one-sided and there's no meaningful reciprocity. If you want to avoid being hurt, don't envision yourself being with her and try to move on. Even if she shows more signs of interest, I am willing to bet that her habits, behavior will become a major head-ache for you.
salparadise Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 ...noticed self harm scars on her arm, I don't hold that against her but she definitely has a lot of barriers. Cons Used to self harm (not really an issue for me but prob is for her). Even with there being more cons than pros and the cons being a lot worse why do I still like her so much? Surely most people would have ejected from this situation by now? Self harm is a huge red flag that you had better not ignore. Several of the listed behaviors are consistent with this pattern. Suspect one or more of the Cluster B personality disorders. You've got some reading to do. Why are you attracted, unable to eject? She's the yen fer yer yang... like a moth to a flame. You really need to bring all of this into full awareness so that you don't permanently hitch your wagon to one of these. Do yourself the biggest favor of your life... mike an appointment.
ponchsox Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 You need to ask yourself why you are attracted to these types. There could be unresolved issues there.
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