NeverGonnaSettle Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Haven't posted in a long, long time. Met this girl at a community event about a month ago. She's gorgeous, extroverted, smart: we have fun. First date after meeting lasts nine hours: from afternoon, past midnight. Very chatty, romantic, and many make-outs occur under Christmas lights. She's 6 mos out of a 3yr relationship which has left her pretty wounded. We initially spent the first week (Thanksgiving) apart but talking for hours on the phone each night. For the next several weeks, she stays over twice-a-week: it's sexual without exactly going all-the-way. Yet. That said, and explicitly open about the super-rapid development of everything, we agree to be exclusive pretty early on. Now... she's worried. She says we're going to fast. She repeatedly asks questions about the length duration of my previous relationships and constantly checks to see if my face is indicating rejection/judgement. "Why are you making a face?" "You're judging me, aren't you?" I don't want to make her sound nuts. I really don't. Frankly, I think I'm pretty patient with all of this, but I wonder if maybe I was just flattered and excited to receive so much attention at the beginning from a truly gorgeous woman. She's highly intelligent, though a little over-competitive. That said, we have tremendous physical chemistry. Kissing, cuddling, sleeping together... I'm in my late 30s, she's ten years younger, but it's never been this natural/comfortable. She just needs to chill the #&!@ out. When I gently offer that she's demonstrating anxieties that aren't based in any real activity on my part, I realize we slip a little too far "into her head" which scares her because I'm usually right and she's easy to read. Dammit, I thought I could make this a short post. Anyway, the only 'real' MAJOR issue between us is that she likes to drink; I don't drink nearly at all. I wouldn't mind at all except that I'm getting a real sense that she doesn't know when to stop. She doesn't get messy or angry when she's buzzed, however she's driven home intoxicated from her girls' night out at last once that I know of. So! NOW she's feeling judged because she knows I'm not cool with that, so ... ... at this moment, due to the holidays, we're apart (she's got her whole family in town): one week down, one week to go before both of us have our calendars clear. I know she's bothered about the drinking thing. And because I'm feeling a bit of a wall from her, I pressed her a little a few days ago, at which point she told me (in text) she really misses me and doesn't want to stop our spending time together, but she's concerned about our 'differences of perspective' so we need to talk soon but go slowly ... For now, we text on our phones multiple times a day, but it feels terribly superficial. In fact, it's like the whole @#$% relationship is in a zombie mode -- very unsatisfying -- until we can have that talk, which I sense is necessarily going to have to wait to be in person, but simply cannot physically occur until NEXT weekend. Meanwhile, I'm feeling increasingly lonely/disconnected and highly resentful!! I respect this forum and I'm going to ask: Besides: 'Guess who is settling, NGS!' and 'Hey, NGS! Chill the @#$% out!' ... what other advice you got? I want to give her her space, and then get allllll of this out in the open Next Weekend. That said, I don't want to be needy, I don't want to be angry, but I'm right now really fighting myself to not call her and tell her off!
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