HeyItsJBails Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 So I don't know how it got to this point, but I'm 25 and a virgin, and I'm getting to the point of being depressed about it. This might be a little long but I feel the more details I give, the better. I've never been in a relationship of any kind. I have a lot of friends, and I have a lot of friends who are female, at least as many as I have male friends. I'm constantly friend-zoned and I definitely fit into the "nice guy" stereotype. I hadn't even been kissed until about a month ago. So it never happened in high school, not a big deal. I just figured my luck would eventually change. I've always had pretty severe anxiety, and while I make friends easily, dating has always been a challenge. I went to one of the top 10 largest universities in the United States, and it never happened. I rarely went on dates and when I always got the "I just want to be friends" text the next day. So since turning 25 in August I've gone on dates with 3 women. All were from dating sites. One woman I went on 3 dates with, and we kissed on the first date. I just went for it. Next 2 dates involved somewhat brief makeout sessions. I honestly felt very awkward during this, since I didn't have any experience and didn't know what I was doing. The night before what was supposed to be date 4, I got the "just friends" text. Last week I went out with a girl once and got a similar text the next day. I'm actually not a weird or nerdy guy (I don't mean offense that's just kind of the stereotype), I play guitar and sing. I'm funny, smart, and have a cool job in a music store. I'm pretty confident about my attributes. My lack of confidence comes from lack of experience. I currently have 2 dates set up with women from online sites. One thing I'm wondering is if I should be forward about my lack of experience earlier on, like maybe the 2nd date or after some kissing has been done. I feel like I'm afraid to progress and make a move, and I also don't want them to be weirded out by how awful I am. Questions: Should I just hook up with someone I'm not really interested in? I think it would help my confidence and at least prove to myself it can happen. -What can I do to increase my chances of finding someone to have sex with, when I personally don't drink or like going to bars. -What can I do to break this nice guy stereotype, or should I need to break it? -I guess any general tips for building attraction and in general anything that will help me overcome my virginity are welcome. P.S. I don't want to have sex purely out of societal pressure or worrying about norms, it's simply that I've never experienced it and I desperately want to.
mortensorchid Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 First, addressing the 2 dates upcoming online: There is no need to tell either of these women that you are or aren't a virgin at age 25. For all you know, you may decide that you don't like them enough and you will never see or hear from either of them again. Why subject them to this at all? Next, your situation ... I posted here not too long ago that I encountered a man who told me he did not have sex with a woman until age 29. I was shocked, but some on this forum responded in ways I did not anticipate. Some said I was thinking like a woman (which, I guess I was) and were rather hostile, which surprised me. Most of the guy responders said that women do not understand how hard it is for men to get laid, and I guess it is. Many gave their reasons (many of which you just listed) and they are valid. I will not argue that fact. As to what to do about your situation? Keep on trying. That's all you can do. Years ago, I was going out with a guy who told me he was a virgin at age 22 or 23. He did not tell me until our second or third get together. He told me because he was hoping I would relieve him of it, and I said yes. For all I know, he asked another woman before and she said no. It happened for him because he encountered someone who was willing to do it. We are no longer together, he's back in his hometown cross country, and he's with someone else. So don't say it can't happen for you as well, because it can if you keep on trying. 1
mishy Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 being a virgin at 25 or even 30 really isnt as unusual as you think. I know plenty of people who are or have been.' in fact i know 2 women, one is 42 who is a virgin. the other i think is about 47. Nothing wrong with them in any apparent way. Just still a virgin.
fabulous Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 you need to be more pragmatic. Instead of asking how to get laid without going to a bar/club (settings that are conducive to finding casual relationships) START going to bars and clubs. If you don't like those places, well you are just making it harder on yourself. IME, look good and hang out with drunk people , you'll eventually get laid if you go out enough. It's going to be very hard to find a woman interested in casual sex using OLD, given the competition you face, and given women generally look for relationships on those sites. (hint: women don't need to use OLD to find easy sex you better be something special).
Recommended Posts