Leigh 87 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Merry Christmas hun Look, this guy wants you around him a lot, so he obviously likes you somewhat, as a person. Only a desperate loser who is also cop dependant, would want a girl he DIDNT like hanging around him for days at a time. ...I would say that he LIKES you, but he just isn't into you in that way. Hence why he wants to marry another woman. Please end this "friendship". I am sure he does like you as a friend, although he could be a sociopath who is out to use you for your money. Either outcome is bad; at best, he really likes you as a person and as a friend. At worst, he could be a cold and conniving man with little to no empathy, using you for your perceived "wealth". I am actually furious at him. For putting you in this position.....
Author mishy Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 (edited) Merry Christmas hun Look, this guy wants you around him a lot, so he obviously likes you somewhat, as a person. Only a desperate loser who is also cop dependant, would want a girl he DIDNT like hanging around him for days at a time. ...I would say that he LIKES you, but he just isn't into you in that way. Hence why he wants to marry another woman. Please end this "friendship". I am sure he does like you as a friend, although he could be a sociopath who is out to use you for your money. Either outcome is bad; at best, he really likes you as a person and as a friend. At worst, he could be a cold and conniving man with little to no empathy, using you for your perceived "wealth". I am actually furious at him. For putting you in this position..... happy christmas Leigh. I have to be honest and tell you what happened last night and its not good. Earlier this week being confused about his ongoing sexual inuendo and touching and etc etc..... after he told me he was going to marry this girl, i told him i had feelings for him. Significant feelings. He really backed off, and i freaked out thinking id lost him, i mean we do have an awesome time hanging out, and it is rare to find someone you like hanging out with for days on end. Anyway..... i was calling him saying to call me back so we could clear up any misunderstanding, in that i didnt want to lose his friendship. He wouldnt call me back- (was doing the same thing he does to the Phillipines girl. ignores calls etc...) Anyway later last night i texted the usual merry christmas for tomorrow as he had earlier that day. I also said i was going to take some sleeping tablets to knock myself out for the night.....(huge mistake) (not meaning suicide!!!!!!!!!). as christmas is bad for me, with most people in my family being dead etc... BUT... as he knew i was upset because i wouldnt call him back.... (and wqas exacerbated by the fact that i HATE christmas)... what did he do?? He called the ambulance. Called triple 0 (911) I just got out of the shower and about to get dinner and go to bed, and the ambulance was calling my phone and i looked outside and they are in the street. I had to go out and present myself. It was just surreal. Then when i got inside again, after convincing them i was ok, he called me . Why the hell couldnt he call earlier... why make this drama?? I thought the ambulance had gone, but they called him again to tell him i was ok....and he convinced them to take me to hospital..... Tells me on the phone before they came back that he has tried suicide 3 times, and he thought that when i said sleeping pills, and knowing i was upset, he thought i was going to kill myself. I HONESTLY never had any intention of doing so. I had bought the pills 3 weeks ago when i had trouble sleeping, but then never actually took any. The packet was full, and when i was upset last night i thought yeah maybe i'll take one, actually i thought maybe half would do. So then teh ambulance people come to the door again and i was practically arrested, in that i had no choice, i HAD to go to hospital. Just because he said something to them to convince them. Sat there for nearly NINE hours in a mental health ED waiting room. I have had zero sleep Got there at 9 left at 5:30am.. after hours and hours of paperwork... when they could see that i wasnt going to do anything to myself, (just upset about this guy) no suicide risk. Spoke to a clinical nurse, who basically told me to stop meeting men off the internet. I was actually more upset at the whole drama of being there, than anything i was previously upset about to do with him. They actually dont let you leave until they call a friend of yours to asses your usual personality state. So they called her at 2am. It was one of the worst nights of my life. Just knowing that he put me through all that, because of his own suicide history Edited December 25, 2013 by mishy
Author mishy Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 Merry Christmas hun Look, this guy wants you around him a lot, so he obviously likes you somewhat, as a person. Only a desperate loser who is also cop dependant, would want a girl he DIDNT like hanging around him for days at a time. ...I would say that he LIKES you, but he just isn't into you in that way. Hence why he wants to marry another woman. Please end this "friendship". I am sure he does like you as a friend, although he could be a sociopath who is out to use you for your money. Either outcome is bad; at best, he really likes you as a person and as a friend. At worst, he could be a cold and conniving man with little to no empathy, using you for your perceived "wealth". I am actually furious at him. For putting you in this position..... yeah... he mentioned my house all the time. Last week he even mentioned it to a guy at the pub , a guy that works there, and i almost died of embarrassment. he said Mishy lives at blah blah (said it liek it was a posh suburb and her house is worth a million dollars and she owns it all " I honestly nearly died right there on the spot. And its not worth a million.... he said some comment last week also 'hey lets sell your house and travel the world" also the reason he was so keen to move into a house with me is he had this idea i could rent my house out for a bucketload and rent somewhere cheaper with him, and use the money to travel. i dunno... he just wouldnt let the house thing go, it was mentioned every day
mammasita Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Mishy, on line dating is not the problem at all. There are great guys out there. It's about learning to set boundaries and walking away at the FIRST hint of a red flag. I know it's much easier said than done. I'm working on this myself.....but the point is I feel like I'm improving and not falling into the same damn traps and cycles. It gets old. I know you can do it!!! 1
Zahara Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 You asked why did he have to make this drama? The only one that's perpetuating drama is you. You get involved with these emotionally unavailable men, you jump through hoops to make them stick with you even when they only have one and sometimes no feet in, you chase, you keep colmunication going even when you MUST go cold turkey no contact because red flags are flying all over the place --- then you ask why the drama? When you engage with unhealthy men, you get drama. Enough Mishy. Every assclown you meet, you anguish over, analyse till you're mad, go in circles cracking your head over what they said what they did. It's been said time and time, the moment you see red flags, bad signs, get out. All you had to do was wish him and be done with it. But you had to be dramatic and throw in the sleeping pills to show him how sad and depressing your life is. Why? He didn't need to know your emotional state. Show strength. Show gumption. Show dignity. Maybe this will be a wake up call for you. It's time for you to stop dating, work on yourself, focus on loving yourself and use this year to fill that void with YOU, not with men. 3
Zahara Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 also the reason he was so keen to move into a house with me is he had this idea i could rent my house out for a bucketload and rent somewhere cheaper with him, and use the money to travel. i dunno... he just wouldnt let the house thing go, it was mentioned every day Also, convenience, making money, being able to afford travel. --- are not acceptable reasons to move in together. It sounds like he's using you as a ticket to gain some nicer things in life. Please stop communicating with this man. 1
Author mishy Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 You asked why did he have to make this drama? The only one that's perpetuating drama is you. You get involved with these emotionally unavailable men, you jump through hoops to make them stick with you even when they only have one and sometimes no feet in, you chase, you keep colmunication going even when you MUST go cold turkey no contact because red flags are flying all over the place --- then you ask why the drama? When you engage with unhealthy men, you get drama. Enough Mishy. Every assclown you meet, you anguish over, analyse till you're mad, go in circles cracking your head over what they said what they did. It's been said time and time, the moment you see red flags, bad signs, get out. All you had to do was wish him and be done with it. But you had to be dramatic and throw in the sleeping pills to show him how sad and depressing your life is. Why? He didn't need to know your emotional state. Show strength. Show gumption. Show dignity. Maybe this will be a wake up call for you. It's time for you to stop dating, work on yourself, focus on loving yourself and use this year to fill that void with YOU, not with men. dont worry, i am ashamed that he knew i was sad. i think i engage with these men, because on the outside they are charming at first, but then these red flags appear and i am looking at them, but at the same time dazzled by other things about them. Just some things the nurse said at the hospital made sense along those lines Its ok though, i havent known him long, i am just glad this isnt a year down the track. And no, i am not doing dating at all anymore.
Author mishy Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 Also, convenience, making money, being able to afford travel. --- are not acceptable reasons to move in together. It sounds like he's using you as a ticket to gain some nicer things in life. Please stop communicating with this man. thats what i thought as well, but this has only been a recent red flag... probably a couple of weeks ago that i really started to notice it. And mainly last week. he also i noticed liked me to pay for a lot of things... i have a house yeah but that doesnt equal cash in the bank
Zahara Posted December 25, 2013 Posted December 25, 2013 dont worry, i am ashamed that he knew i was sad. i think i engage with these men, because on the outside they are charming at first, but then these red flags appear and i am looking at them, but at the same time dazzled by other things about them. Just some things the nurse said at the hospital made sense along those lines Its ok though, i havent known him long, i am just glad this isnt a year down the track. And no, i am not doing dating at all anymore. I think you blind yourself to the red flags because you want someone, you want to be loved and you'll pretend it isn't so bad because you'd rather deal with the drama than be alone. I hope you delete this clowns number, remove him from your life and go cold turkey NC. 1
Author mishy Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 You asked why did he have to make this drama? The only one that's perpetuating drama is you. You get involved with these emotionally unavailable men, you jump through hoops to make them stick with you even when they only have one and sometimes no feet in, you chase, you keep colmunication going even when you MUST go cold turkey no contact because red flags are flying all over the place --- then you ask why the drama? When you engage with unhealthy men, you get drama. Enough Mishy. Every assclown you meet, you anguish over, analyse till you're mad, go in circles cracking your head over what they said what they did. It's been said time and time, the moment you see red flags, bad signs, get out. All you had to do was wish him and be done with it. But you had to be dramatic and throw in the sleeping pills to show him how sad and depressing your life is. Why? He didn't need to know your emotional state. Show strength. Show gumption. Show dignity. Maybe this will be a wake up call for you. It's time for you to stop dating, work on yourself, focus on loving yourself and use this year to fill that void with YOU, not with men. Its also a problem of how bad does a red flag have to be? Wheres the line? As for the sleeping pill thing- i dont think he was actually thinking anything judgemental of it. He proceeded to tell me he has attempted suicide three times, been sent to hospital etc, so i dont think he was actually judging me or anything. He told me last weekend he has depressive episodes lasting a week or so where he wont move off the bed. And is also diagnosed bi polar. He told me this a few days ago....... So i am not actually concerned that much that he thinks anything bad about me being sad over christmas
Author mishy Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 I think you blind yourself to the red flags because you want someone, you want to be loved and you'll pretend it isn't so bad because you'd rather deal with the drama than be alone. I hope you delete this clowns number, remove him from your life and go cold turkey NC. I think you are right. I put up with red flags and try to ignore them. I can feel myself cringing and red flags but then moving on past them... With him, we had such a good time together, just really easy to be around each other. Similar sense of humour, film nerds etc.. But theres just so much other stuff that is bad.
Author mishy Posted December 25, 2013 Author Posted December 25, 2013 He has been changing his mind the whole time on whether he wanted to pursue anything sexual or relationship wise the whole time I have known him. I found this very confusing. His confession that he is bi polar and is unmedicated and in the past has tried to commit suicide three times explains a lot of his erratic behaviour and ideas . The friend that was called by the hospital and asked to verify that I am sane before they would release me thinks that I am wasting my time trying to make sense of a madman. That there is no rational explanation for someone who is irrational. When he called the ambulance and they came to my house, after 10 minutes they were quite happy that I was fine and that he had misjudged the situation. And they went back to the van. They called him back and said don't worry she's fine. And he then must have talked them into taking me to the hospital and 5 mins later when I was getting dinner that were at the door again telling me ii have to cone to the hospital.Total change of tune based on him. It was a total waste of time just based on drama he was perpetuating.
Author mishy Posted December 26, 2013 Author Posted December 26, 2013 He texted me to ask how I was feeling and I hesitated in responding but eventually did. He didn't respond to my reply which just made me feel worse. I don't know how I find these losers.
Author mishy Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 (edited) Out of the blue his woman in the Philippines texted me. Surprised he would actually give her my number since she doesn't know we slept together or any of our history. She said i know you like him but he loves her and she loves him blah blah. I already know that... He is probably trying to stir something up. I'm not interested in participating. Edited December 29, 2013 by mishy
Author mishy Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 Run as fast as u can n as soon as u can from this guy. He is absolute no good. Using you.. That's it. Get out of his crazy life. Now I've had a few days to think about it I really think he was using me for money or intended to in the future. He was obsessed with the fact i own a house outright
MidwestUSA Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Now I've had a few days to think about it I really think he was using me for money or intended to in the future. He was obsessed with the fact i own a house outright Mishy, this is highly probable, as I've sated before. What really worries me is that he, who is unrelated to you, was able to make a phone call and have cops show up at your door and take you to the hospital (based simply on your comment about needing to sleep and taking a pill to do so). What kind of guy has that power? Who is to say that if you were involved with him, he wouldn't try to get you committed completely? The guy is used to operating in shady fashion, with the drug addiction and all. For all you know, he had some scheme and the Phillipine girl is in on it. Please make your own safety and peace of mind your first priority at all times.
Author mishy Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 (edited) Mishy, this is highly probable, as I've sated before. What really worries me is that he, who is unrelated to you, was able to make a phone call and have cops show up at your door and take you to the hospital (based simply on your comment about needing to sleep and taking a pill to do so). What kind of guy has that power? Who is to say that if you were involved with him, he wouldn't try to get you committed completely? The guy is used to operating in shady fashion, with the drug addiction and all. For all you know, he had some scheme and the Phillipine girl is in on it. Please make your own safety and peace of mind your first priority at all times. No it wasnt police, it was ambulance. he thought i was going to overdose on sleeping pills and called the ambulance (from his house) i was at my house. He totally misunderstood, i would never commit suicide. Well that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end thinking they are both in on it. My neighbour thinks yes he was planning to commit me completely in the future. She is a smart , sharp worldly lady, older than me (60), and she was convinced that was his plan. She said how can you expect rational thought from a madman? he is mad etc etc He has been in hospital for 3 ACTUAL suicide attempts so when he got the ambulance to take me to hospital he knew the process. I knew none of it. Didnt even know how that process of committing someone happens. She was also stunned that anyone has the power to do that. It is surprisingly easy to try and get anyone at all committed Come to think about it he did keep harping on about the terrible conditions his filipino woman lives in, so maybe it was all about money On the last day i saw him he was saying that instead of an invitation to the philipines it is a "business transaction" and that i will pay for half the accommodation and do what i like there, but not depend on spending time with them or him. That he couldnt gurarrantee anything Also he must have given the philipines girl my number and yesterday she texted me to tell me she knows i like him and that he loves her. And i thought why? i already know that # Edited December 29, 2013 by mishy
Author mishy Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 (edited) and i just remembered something else that could indicate they were both in on getting money from me. She has a history of extreme jealousy relating to any of his friends, calling them etc finding out their last names interrogating them as to the relationship etc. And this is for everyone he ever interacts with.(he has told me all this) But when he told her he wanted to bring me to the philipines she strangely had absolutely no problem with it at all. No problem with any suspicion as to our relationship. He even put me on teh phone to her to say hi. He told me she was fine with it. And i said to him what on earth did you say to her, and he said "i just told her what a nice person you are, that you are a good person etc" I kept asking him, "why has she had such an attitude turnaround" and he just said well she has turned a corner etc. And i thought, Naaaahhh not someone like her from what ive heard. and it really bugged me, it bugged me for days. How could she have had such an attitude turnaround?? why is she not jealous of me or worried about this third person coming along?? But now it seems to all make sense. They were both in on it. * Edited December 29, 2013 by mishy
MidwestUSA Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 and i just remembered something else that could indicate they were both in on getting money from me. She has a history of extreme jealousy relating to any of his friends, calling them etc finding out their last names interrogating them as to the relationship etc. And this is for everyone he ever interacts with.(he has told me all this) But when he told her he wanted to bring me to the philipines she strangely had absolutely no problem with it at all. No problem with any suspicion as to our relationship. He even put me on teh phone to her to say hi. He told me she was fine with it. And i said to him what on earth did you say to her, and he said "i just told her what a nice person you are, that you are a good person etc" I kept asking him, "why has she had such an attitude turnaround" and he just said well she has turned a corner etc. And i thought, Naaaahhh not someone like her from what ive heard. and it really bugged me, it bugged me for days. How could she have had such an attitude turnaround?? why is she not jealous of me or worried about this third person coming along?? But now it seems to all make sense. They were both in on it. * You could have ended up as shark food, and no one would ever know what happened to you. Stranger things happen; you see it on TV all the time. It sounds like your neighbor is a wise woman. Stay far, far away from this man. 1
Author mishy Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 You could have ended up as shark food, and no one would ever know what happened to you. Stranger things happen; you see it on TV all the time. It sounds like your neighbor is a wise woman. Stay far, far away from this man. it was strange that the filipino woman texted me, he must have given her my number. She said "I would like to be friends but i know you like _____. Sorry to say he loves me and i love him" I already knew that. I dont know why she felt she had to do that
dreamingoftigers Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Ohhhkay, Hold on now. #1 you have some issues, we'll her to that later if I feel like it by then. #2 I would like to area little context to his behaviour but I am concerned that it will be construed as racist etc. My parents hire Philippine workers all of the time as live-in home care for my brother. Philippine workers are a very common arrangement in my home province due to the labor shortage. Many are wonderful, excellent and hard-working people. The Philippines have an interesting history of being isolated and tribal and then conquered by Spain (and thus Catholicism) some centuries ago. Much of the religious and relational aspects of the Philippines falls under BOTH practices. Both tribal and Catholic. The Philippines is also a very impoverished place and many of the workers in my province work for minimum (or close to it) wages and still send money home to family, which is very significant to them. Now regarding the Catholic practices: marriage is common although less common among to younger crowd and divorce is difficult (if not impossible) to get. From what I have heard through the grapevine (and this may have changed) is that you must be separated a minimum of EIGHT years to get a divorce. Oh yeah, and prove adultery. Now the more tribal aspect: everything is shared relationally. The guys are barely (if at all) expected to be loyal to one mate. They may play the cards a bit to keep a girlfriend that they really like, but its almost just a "thing to say" to keep a good thing going. One of my fathers workers had eight children by five women. Another just had his third by his third woman. When Mae was asked by my mother if her and my father's worker would be getting married, she responded "No. He loves me but he wants to have more babies with other women still." Quite a culture shock for us. Owning your house outright IS a BIG DEAL to this guy. You are one of those "rich western women" that "keep their men" he has heard about. Lucky lucky you. He thinks he has quite a catch. And by the way, another thing I observed (which again, doesn't apply universally to Filippino people but just WHAT I SAW) the women can be very emotionally explosive or manipulative. It's not uncommon or unexpected. Histrionics are just part of "how the game is played." So the guy here wouldn't be surprised by the suicidal antics, he used to thigs like that, from himself, others etc. (I've been there with someone calling in me as suicidal. Of course he was being a jerk so I spent overnight waiting for an evaluation and release as well ARG. I feel ya). Oh my goodness the histrionics I've seen at my parent's home. Goodness. Ever strange. Now I've also seen and met some incredibly kind and sweet Philippine women. There is one watches my daughter from time to time and my daughter absolutely loves her. I think she's great. In fact, crap, I should've bought her a Christmas present. I can't be too late. So him expecting you paying for the trip or related expenses isn't a surprise. Him sharing his excitement at the marriage proposal idea not shoçking either. Him telling her that you are "friends" etc. no shock there. Her "fighting for her man" while knowing what's really up. Yah, thàt sounds about right. Like the woman working for my parents who got pregnant with the other guys child and passed it off to the husband who darn well knew the timeline made no sense because he was sleeping with the other Philippine woman who was also my father's mistress at the time until the original woman who was pregnant outed the mistress to....ME(his daughter of all people!) via Facebook. And even followed my father to his meeting her at the hotel. Oh yay, good times. Anyhow, I hope that helps give some sense to you. Now anyone could smell that he wasn't mr. Right-for-you. How come you couldn't? Why are you just "observing" these guys treat you poorly? Why sit back and watch? Why not do something about it?
Author mishy Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Ohhhkay, Hold on now. #1 you have some issues, we'll her to that later if I feel like it by then. #2 I would like to area little context to his behaviour but I am concerned that it will be construed as racist etc. My parents hire Philippine workers all of the time as live-in home care for my brother. Philippine workers are a very common arrangement in my home province due to the labor shortage. Many are wonderful, excellent and hard-working people. The Philippines have an interesting history of being isolated and tribal and then conquered by Spain (and thus Catholicism) some centuries ago. Much of the religious and relational aspects of the Philippines falls under BOTH practices. Both tribal and Catholic. The Philippines is also a very impoverished place and many of the workers in my province work for minimum (or close to it) wages and still send money home to family, which is very significant to them. Now regarding the Catholic practices: marriage is common although less common among to younger crowd and divorce is difficult (if not impossible) to get. From what I have heard through the grapevine (and this may have changed) is that you must be separated a minimum of EIGHT years to get a divorce. Oh yeah, and prove adultery. Now the more tribal aspect: everything is shared relationally. The guys are barely (if at all) expected to be loyal to one mate. They may play the cards a bit to keep a girlfriend that they really like, but its almost just a "thing to say" to keep a good thing going. One of my fathers workers had eight children by five women. Another just had his third by his third woman. When Mae was asked by my mother if her and my father's worker would be getting married, she responded "No. He loves me but he wants to have more babies with other women still." Quite a culture shock for us. Owning your house outright IS a BIG DEAL to this guy. You are one of those "rich western women" that "keep their men" he has heard about. Lucky lucky you. He thinks he has quite a catch. And by the way, another thing I observed (which again, doesn't apply universally to Filippino people but just WHAT I SAW) the women can be very emotionally explosive or manipulative. It's not uncommon or unexpected. Histrionics are just part of "how the game is played." So the guy here wouldn't be surprised by the suicidal antics, he used to thigs like that, from himself, others etc. (I've been there with someone calling in me as suicidal. Of course he was being a jerk so I spent overnight waiting for an evaluation and release as well ARG. I feel ya). Oh my goodness the histrionics I've seen at my parent's home. Goodness. Ever strange. Now I've also seen and met some incredibly kind and sweet Philippine women. There is one watches my daughter from time to time and my daughter absolutely loves her. I think she's great. In fact, crap, I should've bought her a Christmas present. I can't be too late. So him expecting you paying for the trip or related expenses isn't a surprise. Him sharing his excitement at the marriage proposal idea not shoçking either. Him telling her that you are "friends" etc. no shock there. Her "fighting for her man" while knowing what's really up. Yah, thàt sounds about right. Like the woman working for my parents who got pregnant with the other guys child and passed it off to the husband who darn well knew the timeline made no sense because he was sleeping with the other Philippine woman who was also my father's mistress at the time until the original woman who was pregnant outed the mistress to....ME(his daughter of all people!) via Facebook. And even followed my father to his meeting her at the hotel. Oh yay, good times. Anyhow, I hope that helps give some sense to you. Now anyone could smell that he wasn't mr. Right-for-you. How come you couldn't? Why are you just "observing" these guys treat you poorly? Why sit back and watch? Why not do something about it? oh he is not Philipino, he is a westerner like me. We live in the same city She is from the philipines and lives there i just want to say that and i will re read your post 1
dreamingoftigers Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 oh he is not Philipino, he is a westerner like me. We live in the same city She is from the philipines and lives there i just want to say that and i will re read your post Oh well. Then he's a prick. Mystery solved I skimmed your OP. sorry. My ADD meds have largely worn off for the day.
Author mishy Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) Oh well. Then he's a prick. Mystery solved I skimmed your OP. sorry. My ADD meds have largely worn off for the day. LOL. Very interesting though what you say about Filipino culture, a lot of it seems to match with what he has told me about her. thanks for takiing the time to do such a large post Edited December 30, 2013 by mishy 1
Recommended Posts