Is he no good or did i just handle it wrong?

[mishy]

Despite my last thread, as it was relatively early days i continued hanging out with this guy this past couple of weeks, despite a few things that had happened. I thought we could just be friends. But this is what happened in total. I do actually like him as a friend so its a pity i have developed feelings

 

In August I met a guy online dating and we hit it off immediately as friends. We decided we would like to hang out and see what happens. There was always a little kind of sexual thing there. He started sending me photos of himself but seemed to keep changing his mind about whether we were friends only or if he was interested.

 

Recently we started seeing each other every weekend. The last 3 weekends we have spent at least a whole day together, either sat or sun. Then since Thursday I have been at his house the whole time, for 4 days but just going home for a few hours a few times. And when I left yesterday he didn't want me to leave. But I left in tears.... Backstory...

 

The first weekend at his house we just hung out as friends, going out to dinner , watching movies etc, then the next weekend he made a serious move on me and kissed me wildly for the first time and fooled around a bit, having sex. When i say sex I mean about 5 minutes of penetration and then he lost his erection. Then later that night he said he thinks we should be friends.

 

I have known the whole time that he has a lady in the philipines. They are not officially together, but.. She is there... Occasionally i have asked about her and he has said he isnt continuing with her.

 

**He told me yesterday that the reason he made a move on me that weekend was because he had broken up with the filipino girl a couple of days before, "for good".

 

The filipino girl is an absolute crazy woman. Just based on what he has told me. He often will ask me to check his voicemail for him, as he runs a business, and one time a month ago there were 20 messages from her. Crazy stuff begging him to call her, etc because she had gone into another jealous rage.... i mean he didnt even care that i head them? He just shrugged his shoulders. She just sounds like a needy nutcase.

 

Anyway when my holidays started last Thursday I went over And we went out drinking and I told him that I really am interested in him and see myself being his girlfriend. He said though hat he thinks he is in love with the Filipino girl. Anyway so that was thursday and somehow i stayed until yesterday, Sunday. He just didn't want me to leave, we just love being together, talking, going shopping, watching films, just being together. I went home last night and he didn't want me to go, so I went back this morning so we could spend the day together . Then everything went wrong...

 

He is planning a trip to the philipines again in january and the thing is he will be holidaying with the unofficial girlfriend, meeting her there as she lives there. . He asked me yesterday if I want to come with them, yay the third wheel. I don't like the sound of this girl. I feel like she will not want me there. He has actually mentioned it to me a few times over the past few weeks about me coming along.

 

He is so fantastic. He talks to everyone. When we go out he is super friendly to people, and will just go off and talk to anyone, and I love it, I feel safe around him that he has that confidence, and friendliness. Her on the other hand hates it, and complains when he is not paying her complete attention. In his last trip to the philipines to see her was in November, and, she according to him fought with him 50% of the time he was over there, jealous when he even spoke to anyone else. Man or woman. Se was even jealous when he paid attention to beggars in the street, he said.

 

So we were talking today and I'm saying look you really need to decide what you want to do with this girl, whats the point of continuing with her being in another country unless you decide either way. Talked about her temper and jealousy etc. THEN without thinking, and even a bit sarcastic I said "why don't you just go over and marry her?" Do something. He had been drinking. I was sober but he wasn't.

 

And then it was like a lightbulb went off. He's like yeah I will marry her! Bring her back to Australia. I went into panic mode. At that very moment I realised I was in love with him. What the hell was I saying???! I was telling him no no she won't change, marriage won't stop the arguing and jealousy etc etc.. I was reversing really fast, trying to undo what I said.

 

Here was this guy who couldn't stand being apart from me for the past 4 days, saying he is going to marry someone else. I am so in love with him... I ended up leaving and going home and he was STILL asking me whether I was coming to the philipines with them. I am like no I do not want to be there, why would you want me there for the proposal ?! They I told him he was crazy, it should be me he was choosing. . Then I started crying , and I started leaving and he was asking me to stay and hang out, but I just had to get out of there. I cried all the way home .....

 

I shouldn't see him anymore should I....why does he want me to come to the philipines when he is seeing this woman there? We kept saying how much fun we would have together there, (and anywhere overseas) and how we would have fun anywhere

 

 

 

*

Edited December 23, 2013 by mishy

[mishy]

I can't believe after reading everything you wrote, that you need to ask the question.

 

You should ditch this loser immediately. Why are you even wasting time on here asking?!

 

I am just really overtired. You know when you get so tired you can't think clearly? thats how i am right now

[mishy]

Mishy, get rid of him. Stop returning his calls and disappear.

 

He sounds like a total f***wit.

 

thanks. Theres also this. He keeps mentioning pretty much everyday that i am 'set". I own a house and own it outright and he keeps talking about it, saying how much it is worth etc. He has a huge mortgage. I was just lucky. It doesnt define who i am, but he will not drop it.

 

He also seems to think that because i dont have a mortgage, that i must be rich. I dont earn a lot. He has been asking me to go to the philipines and pay half, but now im thinking maybe he was just wanting to save money, as he said he couldnt guarrantee how mcuh time we would spend together because ofcourse of the stupid phillipines girl.

 

He has also told me (surprisingly) that he had a conversation last weekend with his brother about who to "choose". The brother told him that he should choose the filipino girl because she "needs him" but also that he should choose me because i am "self sufficient, independent, and that it would be "easier"...." yeah so he says all these things...

 

 

*

[CrystalCastles]

Wow.

 

This guy is a cheating, cake-eating POS.

 

GET RID.

[mishy]

he texted me this morning (about 8 hrs ago ) asking me if i was feeling better. I just replied with "sad"

 

I am sad. I am sad that i think i was used, sad because we actually got on really well, sad that he is so screwed in the head.

 

But i just replied with "sad"

[mishy]

he also had invited me to christmas dinner with his parents.

 

Can you imagine? he would be talking about his impending proposal to her.

[mishy]

when we were hanging out these past 4 days, it was as "friends" but there was plenty of innuendo from him, he also touches me a lot, but that could be as a friend. He also told his employee about me, saying i am wanting to move things to the next level, but failed to tell him that in fact we had slept together already.

 

Everything is so twisted in his head

[mishy]

You should have replied with nothing. Please break this ridiculous cycle and don't reply to him anymore.

 

yeah, i am not intending to contact. No point.

[mishy]

i thought maybe i was being paranoid about the money thing, i dont know

[letmoc]

I don't want to be harsh here but my gut tells me that he is using you for money for his trip. He has no intention of taking you anywhere, how would he explain you to his girlfriend? Please walk away before it gets any worse.

[mishy]

I don't want to be harsh here but my gut tells me that he is using you for money for his trip. He has no intention of taking you anywhere, how would he explain you to his girlfriend? Please walk away before it gets any worse.

 

No he actually has told her he invited me. Of course she doesn't know we have been sexualyy involved. He told her I was a friend a good wholesome nice girl that he trusts.... I was there when he called her

[mishy]

I just feel down

[snowflakes88]

Mishy, have you considered taking a break from dating for awhile? You seem to jump from one self-destructive relationship to another.

[Janesays]

Wow. How does a woman settle for treatment this badly?

 

And to think, you are twisting this situation so his poor girlfriend is the bad guy! This man is a lying, cheating, manipulating, selfish loser.....OF COURSE she's freaking out on a daily basis! Looking at her should be like looking in the mirror....even if you 'won' this 'prize,' that is how you'll end up if you seriously date him!

[mishy]

Mishy, have you considered taking a break from dating for awhile? You seem to jump from one self-destructive relationship to another.

 

Yeah I probably should, and permanently

 

I am definitely finished with online dating

[mishy]

Wow. How does a woman settle for treatment this badly?

 

And to think, you are twisting this situation so his poor girlfriend is the bad guy! This man is a lying, cheating, manipulating, selfish loser.....OF COURSE she's freaking out on a daily basis! Looking at her should be like looking in the mirror....even if you 'won' this 'prize,' that is how you'll end up if you seriously date him!

 

I don't think she is the bad guy, but I don't envy her.

[stillafool]

I don't think she is the bad guy, but I don't envy her.

 

I don't envy either of you. Stop wasting your time with this loser.

[mishy]

I don't envy either of you. Stop wasting your time with this loser.

 

There are some things I really like about him like his sense of humour and similar interests. I just am so confused

[cactusgal]

There is nothing to be confused about. He doesn't like you. Seriously. He doesn't.

 

You need to work on yourself - RESPECT yourself, get some counselling if you can and don't date again until you have so much self-respect that you wouldn't even give guys like this the time of day, let alone date them, let them treat you like ****, and then still be confused about what it all means.

 

Seriously, please move on.

[Conners]

this was painful to read, how could you think this guy is decent?

[beyond]

Mishy, STOP, just stop!

 

You have been posting on these boards for over 8 yrs now as far as I can see. Each time talking about various men who are quite obviously treating you badly, telling you in no uncertain terms that they don't care and are just using you . You chase them every time, break no contact and basically throw yourself at them.

 

The common denominator with them all, always seems to be that they have another woman they are with or are trying to get with and you are fighting for their attention.

 

I know this all sounds harsh and that we have all done at least one of those things in our past (I know I certainly have) but the point is to LEARN from each mistake and each failed relationship - not carry on repeating the exact same mistakes again and again without taking time to work out what went wrong and what not to do or what not to ignore in the other person next time.

 

Have you considered therapy? Whether it be low self esteem, issues around you father etc etc, there are obviously problems that need to be addressed.

 

Take some time out from all these losers Mishy, and sort yourself out, you will then be amazed at the higher calibre of guy you will attract and who will be attracted to you.

 

xx

[veggirl]

Mishy you remind me of the poster sogutted. Read her threads, what do you think of them? You put up with the same horrible treatment and then find ways to justify it!

[winny]

Run as fast as u can n as soon as u can from this guy. He is absolute no good.

Using you.. That's it.

Get out of his crazy life.

[mishy]

There is nothing to be confused about. He doesn't like you. Seriously. He doesn't.

 

You need to work on yourself - RESPECT yourself, get some counselling if you can and don't date again until you have so much self-respect that you wouldn't even give guys like this the time of day, let alone date them, let them treat you like ****, and then still be confused about what it all means.

 

Seriously, please move on.

 

 

I thought he liked me as a friend. But maybe that was all a farce

[mishy]

Mishy you remind me of the poster sogutted. Read her threads, what do you think of them? You put up with the same horrible treatment and then find ways to justify it!

 

 

I will read them