Lookingforadvise2014 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I've been dating a guy for about a month. I'll preface this whole post letting you know that I have a very difficult time trusting people & even more so men I'm in relationships with. I think this stems from previous negative relationships & trust issues with relationships & trust issues I've experienced in my life in general with people. However even beyond that I've had something's throw up red flags with this guy I'm dating. 1st off I'm not completely convinced he's not seeing other women. We have declared we're exclusive, however recently after googling his telephone number after thinking I was googling someone else's, I stumbled across a few NSA ad's he'd posted months ago (not while we've been together). There was nothing recent, but just seeing what I saw was nauseating. I asked him about them & he basically claimed ignorance, that he didn't post them, that he didn't know where they came from & made suggestion that maybe an angry ex had done that. I didn't buy one second of what he was saying. Yesterday he happened to mention he'd been invited to go to a Christmas party with a girl he'd met a while back, but he declined the offer, the Christmas party was due to take place last night. Just mention of that was disturbing to me, I asked him not to mention those things to me again & said I trust whoever was part of his life previous to me was now not in the picture any longer, he said they weren't, but I was still irritated that the whole Christmas party thing even came up. I did bring it back up later last night that i was still bothered by the website stuff i'd seen & then having him make mention of the Christmas party thing & he said "you have trust issues", which i agreed i do & they stem from previous relationship issues & being burned. He then said " you need to let this all go" referring to what i'd seen online & what he told me about having been invited to the Christmas party. Well today after seeing the NSA ads I felt compelled to check Craigslist for any personal ads & sure enough there were several, although all prior to us becoming involved. I am tempted beyond what you can imagine to respond to one of the Craigslist ads to see if he'd respond. I know that's not the way to handle things, but you know when you really feel like your gut is telling you something?? Another thing that causes me questionability is he seems to text a lot. To me it's very odd for a guy to text as much as he does & if he's texting & I happen to walk near where he is his phone is quickly put away. This could be nothing at all & just me, it's just strange. Has anyone dealt with this before? Anyone who would like to give advise, good, bad or ugly I'd be appreciative.
Author Lookingforadvise2014 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Your're right. I probably haven't bailed because, as untrusting of a person as I am, I always try & give people the benefit of the doubt & hope that it isn't what I think it really is. For example in this situation outside of the Christmas party thing, the other occurrences took place before we were dating so why should I dwell on those 2 things other than its my style to do just that. I guess also because I'm thinking maybe he's changed since meeting me (haha right), but then again there are just too many thing to make me skeptical. As much as it won't make any difference at all, I think I will send the response to his CL ad just to see if I receive any response & if I do then that more than seals the deal & makes my decision. However he knows I'm suspicious so even if he were to respond & I said anything I can see him coming back with the whole " I knew it was you", just try and cover his ass. Ughh!!!!
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 You're judging this man based on things he did BEFORE he met you when he was free to do anything he wanted. He put out some NSA requests. What kind of request did you respond to? Why don't you believe that even if he wanted NSA before he met you that upon meeting you & agreeing to be exclusive, he meant it? As for telling you about the women who contacted him & invited him to the Christmas party, I think the fact that he told you is a good thing. At worst, I see a yellow flag . . . because he changed what he claimed to want & you don't know why . . . but it seems possible to proceed from my perspective.
Uwaae Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 You should go ahead and leave him. Let that guy dodge a bullet. You sound like youre his mother
Mascara Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I'd be wary too. I wouldn't want a man who had sought casual sex. I think a lot of guys think it's perfectly ok and nobody could possibly judge them. It's always a bit of a shock to them that there are some women who don't like easy men. 1
devilish innocent Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Anybody who'd posted an ad looking for NSA on Craigslist in the last several months would be much too skeevy for me. Having him lie about it afterward doesn't help his case at all either. I don't know if there's anything wrong with the Christmas party thing. I'd prefer to have a guy be open about those matters so I could gauge what's going on with the other lady. In this situation, though, it wouldn't matter. Posting that ad and then not being honest about it would be enough reason not to bother with him anymore. Personally, I wouldn't even bother trying to respond to the ad. I'd just be gone. But if you do try, catch him, and he claims he knew it was you, then you know he's lying. Why would he want to endanger the relationship by playing along with you?
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