Author moving2fast Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 So, he made it over to my apartment though he was running a bit late. In all the time that I was waiting, trying to figure out exactly what I was going to say and how I was going to say it, I think I just over thought things. He was late, but sincere and had picked up some chocolates for me which I felt was really sweet of him. I was super nervous, and he picked up on it right away. I told him that I don't feel as though he could love me since he really doesn't know much about me, and that I shouldn't have said that I love him since I don't even know him well. He wanted to interject, but I told him I needed to say all that was on my mind. He let me finish. I told him that I didn't want to hurt him, that I was jumping into this and not really approaching things as I normally do. I then told him about how I tend to be in relationships and about my job. He listened, then said he still loves me. He said he knew he wasn't going to like certain things about me, so he never pushed and didn't ask because he had a feeling about things from the night we meet. He seemed to find a bit of comfort in the fact that I wasn't engaged in something illegal, that's what he was afraid of. He said he knew enough about me to drop the L-bomb from the time we've been together; he trusts me he says because I could have done certain things but hadn't(mainly stealing). I wouldn't do that, but it's been done to him before. He asks me what's so wrong with him that I can't love him back. I told him nothing, and he kept on asking if it was his age, his looks, was I not pleased with him, I told him it was none of those things. I tried again explaining that I just didn't feel like I should say it because I don't want to rush anything, he just wouldn't have it. Everything I said, he would counter and I really couldn't properly explain and didn't want to chase him away, so I just had to concede. I was worried he was upset with me for saying certain thing, so I tried to make it up to him. This morning before he left out for work, he asked me if I ever felt anything for people I work with, I told him no, but I am friends with some and he looked disappointed. He asked if I would consider doing something else, I told him I don't know what else to do. He said to think about it, and asked me to be ready to grab a late lunch with him when he is done at his office. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I'm feeling as if I need him, I am becoming clingy and I know better. I just don't want to be alone, it's awful.
Elias33 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 He's got control freak written all over him. If he still claims he loves you after being confronted, that is a second warning for you. If he is visually displeased because you have friends of your choosing, that's a third warning. He is seeking to claim you swiftly. Proceed with caution. 2
Phantom888 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 It depends. If you are both in your 20s, and don't have a lot of life experience with love and responsibilities, then YES that is way too soon. I said "I love you" to my GF on our 2nd date. Granted I am 39 years old, divorced, father of two, and the divorce 4 years ago costed me $500,000. If anything, I would be afraid to fall in love more than anything. But when I met her, I knew she was THE ONE. Hard to explain. Yes there was the excitement and lust and physical attraction, but more importantly, she and I have very similar values and goals. We will be celebrating 7 months this week, and I will be proposing within the next 3 months. So whether or not it's too soon to say I love you depends on your life experiences and expectations.
Author moving2fast Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 I'm 25 and he's 47, he's been in serious relationships, nothing I've been in lasts very long now that I'm out on my own. He has told me what he wants from a potential partner, none of it too hard except for the faithful part. I tried explaining why I would fall short, it didn't fly with him. I really don't know why I'm not just sparing him the trouble and walking away, he's good for me in that I'm lonely and not doing anything destructive while with him. I do like spending time with and doing things for him. It is self serving on my part though, feels good to have someone around and since talking last night and today he does seem to care just differently than I expected. I don't want him to stop. Being with him has me very busy which I need right now.
johan Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 The fact that he's 47 puts a new spin on it for me. It's probably ok for him to lose his head a bit and let that slip. But he's old enough that he should know he'd better get a grip on himself. If he doesn't and he keeps the love stuff going, I think you've got an (old) problem child on your hands. 2
Phantom888 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 OK hold on.... The age thing makes all the difference in the world. RED FLAG!!!!!! A man almost twice your age should know better than to move this fast with someone not even in the same generation! I'm 39, and if I approach a woman in her mid-20s, I would definitely give her space and move really slooooooooow because there is a whole lot wrong with it on the surface (age difference), and I would have to find a really good reason how we are actually compatible. A man in his late 40s would have nothing really in common with you at this point. You are at different stages of your lives. I really don't think this is a good match, especially since he is moving so fast. Notice how things change once you reveal the age difference. In this case, RUN!!!!!
Author moving2fast Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 (edited) Because of our differences in age, financial status, as well as culture I figured this won't last long. I didn't expect him to want to spend time with me apart from sexual activity but he does. He's very attentive. I feel as though I may just be too guarded and giving him a hard time about things. I enjoy what we have, don't want it ending any time soon. It feels good having someone around that thinks about me. I know I should keep my eyes open, but for some reason I prefer not to look. I'm doing the opposite of what I usually do. I am worried I'll ruin this so I am trying not to sabotage it. Logic tells me this is all wet, but my distorted thoughts have me wanting to keep this afloat. Instead of hanging out with my friends, I decided to spend the evening here with him though I said I was all his tomorrow and Christmas. He is tired, so I'm putting myself to work so I won't be bored. Edited December 24, 2013 by moving2fast
johan Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 OK hold on.... The age thing makes all the difference in the world. RED FLAG!!!!!! A man almost twice your age should know better than to move this fast with someone not even in the same generation! I'm 39, and if I approach a woman in her mid-20s, I would definitely give her space and move really slooooooooow because there is a whole lot wrong with it on the surface (age difference), and I would have to find a really good reason how we are actually compatible. A man in his late 40s would have nothing really in common with you at this point. You are at different stages of your lives. I really don't think this is a good match, especially since he is moving so fast. Notice how things change once you reveal the age difference. In this case, RUN!!!!! I don't know. I think this could end up being a big distraction. Whether they are compatible is a topic for a different thread, in my mind. They could be compatible. It has happened before. She just wanted to know about his "I love you."
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