Highschool Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I made a new friend at the start of university, one who used to be a friend of a girl I had some troubles with earlier. This girl is great. We're really close friends. However, I've had a crush on her for a while and she knew this. I brought it out into the open in some romantic setting after joking about us dating, she basically said "You're really cute, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I've never been in a relationship before and I think I need to straighten myself up before I start. My parents said I have too many problems to date." She then unloaded all of her family/emotional problems on me. That got us closer , she didn't need to tell me all of that. --- Since then I've stayed her friend but stayed flirty. We go out to eat (split bill, though), hang out a lot, and have fun being friends. It's frustrating me though. About a month ago I brought this up again, just saying that "If I seem a bit distant, it isn't you. I just might need time to move on". She was upset. :/ --- I sent her flowers at some point after, randomly. She liked them but eventually said she felt bad that I spent that on her. Anyway, I went over to her house and met her parents yesterday, we exchanged Christmas presents and hung out for a few hours. She loved her presents and kept giving me hugs lol, I spent a little more than she did. She was wondering when I'm free next, since she wants to go somewhere and hang out. She hinted at me doing something spontaneously (and said how she loves that about me), and said she can pay since she "really owes me". --- I feel stuck. I don't want to pursue this if she's just going to reject me firmly this time, but I don't want to walk away and hurt her. We ARE good friends, but it hurts ME just hanging out. She DID reject me firmly, right? I'm being told mixed things. Some people thing that she nicely rejected me, while others think she might be genuine and wants to be friends first, since she's new to dating (hasn't kissed either). She's the sweetest girl you'll ever meet, I don't think she'd lie about anything. She didn't need to tell me everything she did, either (if she just wasn't interested). I don't know.
CrystalCastles Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I think she's being selfish. She is aware you have feelings for her, yet she can't give you the space you need to get over her. She rejected you. If she wanted to be with you, you'd know.
Little_Discourage Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I'm inclined to agree with Crystal Castles. If she liked you, no matter what her parents said, you'd know it. I think she likes the attention you give her. It's flattering and makes her feel good about herself. But I don't think she is really "into" you. 1
ponchsox Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 She's either already friend zoned you or she's unsure about pursuing a relationship right now. You can be friends but don't expect to take the next step with her.
gaius Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Don't be friends with a girl who rejects you. Ignore her for a while then come back around and try again. If rejected again rinse and repeat. Until you either wear her down, she starts ignoring you completely or someone else catches your attention and you forget about her entirely.
Author Highschool Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Okay, I'll do that. My best friend is her only other real guy friend, but he's not super close to her. Anyway, he thinks she's leading me on and he wants to completely cut her off. She told me she was lonely and didn't have many friends earlier, and seemed really happy because I did the whole "well if you need someone to talk to.." thing. I'm done spending any money on her, my friends tease me and let me know I've spent over $100 total on her. Time for that to be done. I'll still hang with her occasionally, but even then it won't be much. I'm done with her, she doesn't seem to understand that we have different desires. I dont think I'm in the wrong for thinking this.
Guitarisgood Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Nah no even hanging with her. You drop her completely to get over her and move on or either to make her either realise she may have feelings for you but the latter is less likely. You're currently more invested in this than she is. She is getting the boyfriend but without having to put any of her effort into anything and not putting out. Charge this to experience. Next time you become interested in someone, make sure they know from the start. Ask them out or be physical with them. Do not messaging them continuously because thats what friends do. Most importantly, do not become so invested so early. 1
soccerrprp Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 I feel stuck. I don't want to pursue this if she's just going to reject me firmly this time, but I don't want to walk away and hurt her. We ARE good friends, but it hurts ME just hanging out. This is confusing. Either you ARE good friends or not. If your motivation to be in any relationship with her is to ultimately date her, then your motives are insincere. Decide why you are with her....once you have firm on that question, then you can decide what to do next with some confidence. I'm being told mixed things. Some people thing that she nicely rejected me, while others think she might be genuine and wants to be friends first, since she's new to dating (hasn't kissed either). She's the sweetest girl you'll ever meet, I don't think she'd lie about anything. She didn't need to tell me everything she did, either (if she just wasn't interested). I don't know. The mixed signals are b/c they are not her. You say that she's the sweetest girl and that she wouldn't lie, but you don't know that for sure. If you are TRULY "friends", then act like it. If not, move on. 1
Recommended Posts