Stuck in Love Triangle... Please help!!!!

[SunnySunShine]

Currently I'm in a love triangle with a girl who already has a bf. We met each other over the summer through my job. I was in charge of hiring Cheer coaches for a cheer leading camp, we had over the summer. When I saw her for the first time I knew there was something different. As that week progress, I knew I had to get to know her more. The last Friday of the that week I asked her to join me for some pizza we had at work, just me and her. During that lunch I was eager to ask for her number but really never got the courage to. At the end of the get together I never got her number. Thinking to myself I miss a opportunity of a life time, I was really upset through the weekend. So on that on coming Monday I received a phone call from my boss. He told me that he had just received an email from her asking for my email. To cut a long story short, we exchanged email's and started to send texts back and forth. Email's turned into long late night conversions on the phone. During the email phase I found out the she is currently in a three year relationship with someone. Now thinking in my head that I never really had a chance, that turned out not to be true. We finally went out on our first date, normally I have things planned out for dates but this one was weird (In a good way.). What I had planned was a evening at the olive garden then bowling. The olive garden went great but while driving to bowling we got there and I guess they were having some tournament or some sort, so we couldn't play. While getting back to the car I had to figure out something. I started driving towards Seattle knowing there always has to be something to do in Seattle late evening time. We started walking around the Seattle center area, (I would recommend this to anyone for a walk.). Not knowing that the space needle is open till midnight, we stumble onto it. Even though the night had no kissing or holding hands, it was probably the most romantic date I took a girl on.

Things between us evolved fast. The day I realize I loved her was on our third date. I gave her a necklace that symbolizes our friendship and love. Also there were other things I learned about her through the weeks. Her past wasn't actually a innocent one. She has cheated on her boyfriend three times, with all three time her boyfriend finding out, but on the last incident her boyfriend doesn't know the full extend of thing. This kinda worries me. I believe that people learn from there mistakes but what about me. Am I a mistake???? I mean she is still with her boyfriend. Well I'll just continue the story.

Through the weeks her boyfriend would work late nights and I would come over and sleep over. Of course fore play happened lots of time and we had only had sex once. It was the best I have ever had. All her friends like me and think i'm really down to earth. Well, there was one incident where I though I could have her to my own forever. On a Sunday during October, She had got into a argument with her BF to the extend where their status was questionable. I felt like during this time frame that it was my time to shine. I went over that night and comforted her. I was there for her every need. Not only did I wanted to be her BF but also her best friend. While all of this was going on, her BF would get her cheap gifts and was dropping stuff off trying to win her over. I also notice changes between me and her. The affectionate side of her was dropping. I assume that it was just a phase and it would go away. It never did. Meanwhile her bf used the cheapest trick in the book, he told her that he had given her chances in the past, so thats why she should take him back and also that he would join the marines if she didn't take him back. Well it worked and they got back together.

Now there is present time. We don't see each other as often as back then because of school. we do talk to each other on the phone everyday. The day I found out that she took him back was like someone shooting me in the heart. We do still tell each other we love one another but I can tell that her level of love for me is not as high as it use to be. I want to be the man in her life but I also sense their relationship getting stronger. I still don't understand why not start fresh with no lies no secrets. Is it dumb of me to think that I still have a chances? Its been 5 months since we met. We have been through a lot and I would be sad to think that I wasted my time. Her bf doesn't have clue about me. I'm still weary about her past. She tells me that I'm different and I'm not like the rest. There is this one person she is still in contact with but doesn't see due to long distance reason. I asked her the other night what makes me different from him? She said that we already have gone through this and never really answer the question.

At this current stage I don't want to move on. I know this girl loves me and I want so much more with our relationship but I know it can't grow at this stage. I notice myself getting jealous often when she mention his name or when ever they get to hang out with each other. I just don't what to do.

[mourningMM]

Two observations and then a suggestion.

 

This woman does not appear to have the capacity to remain faithful to any single person. Before you she had relationships with other men. It is likely if her BF left, she would still have relationships with other men. No matter how much attention she gets, she wants more. This should lead you to question, not yourself, but her. What is the issue that makes her need so much.

 

 

You are a loving and caring individual that has offered her more than most men do, you've offered her friendship and emotional support as well as physical intimacy. In giving her this, you have empowered, without any conditions or constraints, you've given her the permission to take advantage of you. I'm not suggesting that you should put a price tag on love; but you need to reconize the value that you offer that that it should be met with equal value from her. Ask yourself, what does she give to you? What about being with her makes you feel good about yourself. Then ask, if you were with someone else, could they give you that AND MORE.

 

Sweetie, compared to you I'm an old lady, and I've been in relationships that have sucked the life out of me. The more I've given, the less I've gotten. You need to know how to find a balance; and from here it doesn't sound like she is the right person to teach you this.

 

In your heart and soul you know what the right thing to do is; your mind needs to accept it, and your heart, soul, and mind need to whack your body up-side-the-head and explain that a relationship like this, while fun in the moment, is empty. The difference between empty sex and making love is beyond words; and now that you two are no longer "in love", it doesn't sound like there is enough coming back to you from her to make the physical side of your relationship fulfilling.

 

Believe me there are many women out there that would value you more. Find one, and then let this girl go.

 

Note, based on what you've written she is a is just a GIRL, and you sound like a MAN. Find a WOMAN and you will be happier than you can possibly imagine now.

[LucreziaBorgia]

We do still tell each other we love one another but I can tell that her level of love for me is not as high as it use to be.

 

Even at the peak of her 'love' - she didn't love you enough to be your girlfriend. She basically showed you that you are worth seeing behind her boyfriend's back, but that you aren't good enough to be an actual boyfriend. Sometimes sweet words make it really hard to recognize treacherous actions.

 

You have a choice: continue to be her 'second best' until she gets more bored with you than she already is and she moves on to guy #5, or pry this poisonous parasite out of your heart and try to move on.

 

If you ever have any doubts, consider this: that boyfriend that she implied was horrible, controlling, cheap-gift-giving, and emotionally stunted is more important to her than you are, and she proved that to you by rejecting every sweet, romantic, kind and giving thing you did and said for her: for him.

 

It sounds like you have a lot to give. I hope that one day a deserving and kind woman will come your way and break the spell that this poisonous woman has over you.

[Adunaphel]

I know this girl loves me

 

She does not love you enough to dump her bf and get together with you - she'd rather have her cake and eat it.

 

Even if she'll be your girlfriend one day, chances are that she'll cheat on you like she is doing on her actual boyfriend (and she did on her previous boyfriend).

 

Do you really want to find out at one point in your life that your gf had a affairs that lasted a long time, that she has been dragging other guys along, that she has been receiving attention/emotional support/gifts from other guys, that she slept with them, told them she loved them and all behind your back?

 

How are you going to feel the day you'll be in the exact situation of her current boyfriend?

You are going to feel devastated..... and if this ever happens, you can say you had it coming.

 

You sound like a great guy (well, a *really*great guy would not mess around with someone else's girlfriend.), you are wasted playing second fiddle while you could give all that love/attention to a *single* girl who would treat you as her boyfriend and really love you.

[SunnySunShine]

Thanks for all of your words of wisdom. It's hard to accept reality but I must do it. One of my biggest fears though is the fear of never falling in love again. Today I took a big step into improving myself. She had called me to talk, we had a general conversation like how are you doing? and how was your day ? At that time I was at starbucks and was working on homework. I decided it was best to let her go and talk to her later. I asked her if she was busy later on tonight and she replied that she was gonna hang out with her boyfriend. In my mind I became jealous because I have only got to see her once in three weeks. She asked my why I wanted to let her go so soon? I replied back by saying that we have nothing to talk about. To me I feel like I made the right choice. I feel like she only wants to talk and not see each other. I believe that if you truly love someone you should be unselfish enough to give them what they want. Her happiness is all I can ask from her. Is it wrong to believe that I love her more than life itself? I have only been in love twice, I really don't know if I actually was in love the first time but I do know this I have lots to learn whether its through mistakes our my own happiness.

 

- Sunny

[WakeUP]

I think you should just stop talkin to her...don't tell her why, don't tell her when just do it. I know its hard but its got to be done.....while your sittin on your computer shes hangin with her BOYFRIEND not YOU because she is COMMMITED to HIM NOT YOU. Shes probably cuddled up or even havin SEX with him. Its not easy but you need to relize there more to life. YOU ALSO SHOULD REALIZE, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE ANYONE ELSE....!!!!!!!!

Sorry for being so blunt

[SunnySunShine]

I just don't know anymore. I still want to be her friend. I would think that if I would just abandon her like that it would just be wrong. Today I found out that she had sex with her boyfriend after they got backed together. She basically lied to me by saying awhile back that her bf and her agree not to have sex anymore. This hurts the most. I don't know why I feel this way. I shouldn't be jealous but I am. Im tryin to keep it all inside and pretend nothing is wrong but now here I am typing away. Am I being selfish thinking this?

 

- Sunny

[Adunaphel]

I still want to be her friend.

 

You can't be her friend if you are still in love with her. It would not be a real friendship. And she'd probably take advantage of you.

I would think that if I would just abandon her like that it would just be wrong.

 

Oh, she is not going to be abandoned and alone. Remember, she has a bf!

 

She basically lied to me by saying awhile back that her bf and her agree not to have sex anymore. This hurts the most.

 

Would you still like to get together with a person who lies to you even when you are not her bf?

 

Am I being selfish thinking this?

 

Feeling jealous in such a situation is normal and understandable, not selfish.

Yet it's time to concentrate on your well being instead of on hers.

 

BTW, when you *feel*like this

Is it wrong to believe that I love her more than life itself?

it usually only means that you are not happy.

 

You have to learn to love _yourself_ more than anyone else in the world.

 

One of my biggest fears though is the fear of never falling in love again.

 

Be sure you will fall in love again!!!

Most people have this very same fear at least once in their lives(I felt this same way at least thrice myself), but they all find out that they can love again, and find persons that are even more special.

 

Also, it happens to idealize people you can't have.

[SunnySunShine]

Hey Everyone. Thanks again for all of ya'll support and advice. At this current state I'm just trying to remain sane. My body is ready to let go but my mind isn't. This is causing lots of head aches. I keep telling myself that I need to stay busy and keep my mind occoupy but at the end of the night I always come running back to her on the phone. I have never been this depress before, questioning to myself if I can make it through each day without breaking a tear.

 

 

-Sunny