Wiwi Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 We've been together for a year now, we love each other, it's been mostly great. It's the most successful relationship I've ever had tbh, and of course we had our problems like every other couple but generally he makes me very happy and we have SO much in common. However, I have major concerns about the age gap. I mean now it might not hold us back but 10 years from now? And don't get me wrong sex isn't the only aspect that worries me, he might just not be up to having an active lifestyle anymore after 10 years or so and I'll still be energetic and wanting to live my life. So, plz help if you have personal experiences that would be beneficial or otherwise just share your thoughts on the subject, the social stigma and the success to failure ratio.. thanks!
CarrieT Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 it's been mostly great. You wrote that it has been MOSTLY great, which means you are already starting to have doubts. However, I have major concerns about the age gap. Those doubts will cleave a huge rift into the relationship and, ultimately, you will realize there are lots of things that will cause problems. I was like you: I was in my early 20s and dating guys that were two decades older than me. As I approached my 30s and 40s, the difference in ages HAD to decrease in order to have a more stable frame of reference in the relationship. Depending on your life's desires, you might be best to end it now. Does he want children? Do you? Are you going to want to be a 32-year old mother with a child whose father will be applying for social security during those high school years? How about a father who might need a walker to escort his daughter down the aisle?
Author Wiwi Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 Thanks Carrie, and yeah I said mostly because at the beginning it was a bit rocky, he had some insecurities and I was still figuring what I wanted from the relationship. Yes we both do want children, but the question is will we BOTH be able to raise them together? it makes me sad to think this way, but I can't help but wonder, am I throwing my life away or should I just be with him coz have a special bond?
Mascara Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 What Carrie said. In my 20s, men in their 40s were sexy. Now I'm 42, and I bumped into an ex not long ago, from many years back. He's just turned 60. Shudder. I prefer men within 8 years (tops) of my own age these days. Age gaps are only sexy when they're still young. 2
HokeyReligions Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 The age gap between my husband and I is not that much but I can tell you that there are times now where I feel like I'm taking my dad places instead of my husband. There is no predicting how people will age. I know people older than my hubby who are in great shape and more active than either of us. If you have concerns talk to him about it and about what you both want out of your relationship. Hes the one you should be talking with. 1
MrCastle Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Age gap is a little too much in my opinion for anything other than sex. If you're looking for a real relationship it's probably easier with someone around your same age.
writergal Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 20 Tips for Younger Women Dating Older Men - RooGirl 7 Rules For Dating An Older Man 12 Happy Hollywood Couples With Huge Age Gaps - Grandparents.com It sounds like you already know that you aren't compatible with your boyfriend, if you're worried about this 18 year age gap and how it will effect you 10 years from now. How about 2 years from now? I think you can make it work, as long as you're willing to compromise and do things that don't include your boyfriend. Like, if you want to hike the Andes, or Sky Dive, or run a marathon and you know that he physically can't be there with you. Or if you like to have sex A LOT but he is incompetent (are you going to force him to take Viagra?). Or if you want children, but he doesn't. The age gap between you can be a great divide for common sense reasons, or it could not be an issue at all. It all depends on what each of you want from the other person and if you want it short-term or long-term. I think you need to sit down and talk to him about where you see it going for you, and see if what he wants lines up with your vision for the relationship. Also, if you are afraid to share your concerns with him that's dishonest and unfair to him too. He's 46 years old. He can handle it. Just be honest with him if you want to be with him for the long-term. Hiding things, trying to psycho-analyze him without bothering to talk to him directly is counter-productive and won't get you anywhere. Just talk to him about this and see what he says. That's really the only way you'll know what he thinks and feels, and that will help you decide if this relationship is something you want to keep or if it's something you need to end. If you two have different values, different expectations, then it won't work obviously. 1
Author Wiwi Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 Thanks guys for all your input, I really appreciate it, especially writergal's was very helpful. I will in fact talk to him asap, and as far as I'm concerned I want a long term relationship and maybe kids down the road, he however kind of lied about his age when we first met :/ I think its because he was embarrassed by the age gap, he said he was 38 but anyway. I will confront him but more importantly I will voice my concerns about the lie AND the gap, but honestly the lie hurts more 1
nomadic_butterfly Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 (edited) We've been together for a year now, we love each other, it's been mostly great. It's the most successful relationship I've ever had tbh, and of course we had our problems like every other couple but generally he makes me very happy and we have SO much in common. However, I have major concerns about the age gap. I mean now it might not hold us back but 10 years from now? And don't get me wrong sex isn't the only aspect that worries me, he might just not be up to having an active lifestyle anymore after 10 years or so and I'll still be energetic and wanting to live my life. So, plz help if you have personal experiences that would be beneficial or otherwise just share your thoughts on the subject, the social stigma and the success to failure ratio.. thanks! Many of the posts here are spot on! Age gaps above 10-12 yrs are pushing it. I am 26 and always loved older men and vice versa but the older I get, the lower the age difference I am willing to accept. I don't mind getting married in a few years but I could wait until my 30s to have kids and I don't want to feel pressured. I know a spouse can die at any age unfortunately but I cannot picture my spouse leaving me with all my youth used up because he kicked the bucket. And I am not fond of people who lie about their age to get with me. A few years ago I met this guy who shaved off 4yrs off his age and i didnt know until 6months in when something told me check his Skype profile and lo and behold he was a lot older because there was then like a 14yr age gap. He wasn't too fond of marriage but he would say things after we would sleep together (he provided the condoms) that made me believe he might poke holes in them because he was freaking me out with all this baby talk (he already had a 9 yr old). These days I date people in my age range. All my exes are in their 30s but now I am mostly open to 26-30 yr olds. Edited December 22, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly 1
MissyM007 Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 This really depends on him alone. I know men in their 50's that are incredibly youthful, keep active and are young at heart. Everybody is different and who knows his motivations may change. We still grow and change at all ages. Sit down and talk it through with him ask him where he sees himself in ten years see if your goals and attitudes are aligned.
FitChick Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I wouldn't worry about what's going to happen ten years from now. You won't be together that long whether you are married or not. If you were 48 and he was 66, the gap wouldn't matter that much. If he has money to wine and dine you and take you traveling, why not enjoy his company? He can enjoy sex with you. Once you are married and tied down with kids, you won't be able to do those things with him or anyone else. 1
Keenly Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 If you make eachother happy, there are really no limits.
Recommended Posts