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Theory: Average looking people have the hardest time dating.

Mrlonelyone

By Mrlonelyone
in General Relationship Discussion

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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I'm a PhD scientist in academia, so I know what you mean. Your career isn't just something you do because it's what you want, it stems directly from who you are. Many people aren't going to get that. I envisioned marrying someone with a similar educational experience and career ambitions, but I discovered that the women in my graduate program had very different agendas for their love lives that seemed to involve going after "opposites-attract" relationships.

 

However, you can make the best of this . . ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for understanding about the drive it takes to have this career. As a matter of fact I had to explain that to, of all people, the guy M is dating right now. I'm pretty sure of it. By chance he was working a telephone drive for alumni donations and related to me that he felt pressured to switch from marketing/finance to science. Since M, after meeting me by the way, and some of M's friends had also changed to science. He's not a bad kid. To do science is to love it or you will never stick with it. There are easier ways to make a meager living.

 

 

Like you said it's who we are, not what we do. It's not like deciding to work across town vs a block away. It's usually more like deciding to work in the same state.

 

 

I have been in relationships that were more opposite before M. Remember E the opera singer (I'm sure long time posters like XXOO and Carhill do)? Interestingly in a past life M had also studied to sing the exact same kind's of parts as E before giving it up. I only found that out after knowing her a while. I certainly have a type. There are only so many renaissance women out there.

 

 

A professor where I go to school put it this way. Scientist in our field tend to marry in the field because we spend so much time together at work. Early mornings, late nights long hours. Then she's married for 20 years to another scientist and so are most of the married scientist I know. Either that or artist of some kind.

 

 

My wife's background is not in the sciences, but she worked as a secretary in my graduate program department when I met her. So she knew what she was getting into as far as my profession went, but at the same time her job prospects were flexible enough for us to be able to travel across the country as needed for me to find jobs.

 

 

 

 

 

Your work and her work complement each other. I could easily see both of you getting hired by the same school or the school that wants you finding a job for her somewhere in it, or a nearby school. If you talk about something that happened at work she knows what you mean. I'll bet she gets you that way.

 

 

I personally could not be in a relationship with someone who I could not have a meaningful discussion of the types of things I encounter at work.

 

 

 

 

All in all, though, a lot can be said for waiting until you are in a stable career-track position before getting serious about LTRs. I probably should have done that myself.

 

 

That's what I'm seriously thinking about. I myself am at least in the city/region of the country I want to live my life in. I am researching what I want to research, and I can get a job in it locally. M on the other hand wants to research something that would take her to Silicon Valley, or Texas for at least a decade. In other words we had an expiration date.

 

 

 

If someday we both have tenure at nearby colleges or universities and are single who knows. :/ :)

 

 

Seriously though I think I can find someone who is, right now, and could be forevermore as good or better for me than her.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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I don't just mean casually. Plenty of men are told to find and get married to any woman that will take them. You have no idea how many handsome young men I see who are with bit fat ugly women. I mean objectively pig faced women with men who look like Abercrombie and Fitch models.

 

I've never seen a couple that extreme in my life. Are you sure your biases aren't influencing your perception?

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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I've never seen a couple that extreme in my life. Are you sure your biases aren't influencing your perception?

 

 

Well here are the numbers.

 

 

Both are early 20's. The guy is 6 foot, slim but not scrawny. Curry light brown hair and blue eyes. Kinda like Ryan Phillippe (See the movie Cruel Intentions). The girl is about 5 foot five 180 face like mrs piggy but not as pretty as mrs piggy.

 

 

I wish I was joking. I know I know if they are happy and they are attracted then fine. However, there is no denying the advice men are given all over the place to settle for whoever will take them.

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

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I've never seen a couple that extreme in my life. Are you sure your biases aren't influencing your perception?

 

I've seen this plenty of times myself. One example that really comes to mind is I know this guy who's about 6 foot and jacked, he takes care of himself and from my straight male point of view he has the look women seem to like. He's a little out there at times but for the most part he's an alright guy too. The whole time I've known him he's always had a gf who is at least ok looking until his most resent and rather serious relationship. He's with a woman that's got to be 30 pounds overweight and has a really disproportional face. They get along well so I'm not going to criticize their relationship but I can't help but wonder how that happened.

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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As a matter of fact I just thought of my one nephew. He online dates. Just about every woman he finds is fat.

 

 

He's a 6ft 250lb walll of muscle who works out religiously and looks good, dating a woman who is spherical. Gravity has overcome rigid body forces and if she were orbiting the sun she would be a minor planet.

 

 

She makes him happy though and he prefers heavier women. He feels they are nicer and that theirs a reason the words skinny *it_h are put together more often than fat *it_h.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Just because beautiful women don't get approached by guys doesn't mean they will settle for the average Joe, because they won't. They have the luxury of waiting for an attractive man with a great career and money.

 

 

 

My two best female friends are models.

 

They date average looking dudes.. who are not rich.

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CrystalCastles Established Member

CrystalCastles

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I think all this numbers stuff is just a bunch of bullcrap which men who can't seem to find dates use as an excuse to justify why they are single.

 

Here's my personal experience. I forget the number of guys who have hit on me or who have called me "hot", "pretty", "beautiful" etc. I would not have enough fingers on my hands to count them all. I'm also finishing up my undergrad in the sciences and will start my phd once I'm out of school. I have a high average and enjoy intellectual conversations. Yet I have always been single. Have only gone on a handful of dates, where one guy said "I'm surprised you didn't reject me. I was certain you were taken".

 

My best friend is a total hottie. She gets hit on all the time. She's been in one STR and now just got into a relationship with a man who treats her like a queen.

 

My point is, beautiful women are often very picky, so they DO tend to stay single. At least for some time. Men are also intimidated by them and tend to assume they are taken, so they don't get approached as often.

 

Assuming that a beautiful woman is constantly in a relationship is bull. Assuming she can get the man she wants with a snap of her fingers is wrong. Beauty is also very subjective so the man I find hot might not necessarily be that to a friend. You can't put a number on someone because your opinion does not necessarily reflect that of other people. Hot men, I have found, tend to be extremely arrogant, and they like to talk about how hot they are when I go on dates with them :rolleyes: There's nothing wrong with thinking you're hot, but please don't tell me that. I'm not blind, I can see it. Huge turn-off.

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jimloveslips Established Member

jimloveslips

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My two best female friends are models.

 

Yeah tell them to stop calling me...

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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I think all this numbers stuff is just a bunch of bullcrap which men who can't seem to find dates use as an excuse to justify why they are single.

 

Here's my personal experience. I forget the number of guys who have hit on me or who have called me "hot", "pretty", "beautiful" etc. I would not have enough fingers on my hands to count them all. I'm also finishing up my undergrad in the sciences and will start my phd once I'm out of school. I have a high average and enjoy intellectual conversations. Yet I have always been single. Have only gone on a handful of dates, where one guy said "I'm surprised you didn't reject me. I was certain you were taken".

 

My best friend is a total hottie. She gets hit on all the time. She's been in one STR and now just got into a relationship with a man who treats her like a queen.

 

My point is, beautiful women are often very picky, so they DO tend to stay single. At least for some time. Men are also intimidated by them and tend to assume they are taken, so they don't get approached as often.

 

Assuming that a beautiful woman is constantly in a relationship is bull. Assuming she can get the man she wants with a snap of her fingers is wrong. Beauty is also very subjective so the man I find hot might not necessarily be that to a friend. You can't put a number on someone because your opinion does not necessarily reflect that of other people. Hot men, I have found, tend to be extremely arrogant, and they like to talk about how hot they are when I go on dates with them :rolleyes: There's nothing wrong with thinking you're hot, but please don't tell me that. I'm not blind, I can see it. Huge turn-off.

 

 

Who's assuming that? I am to OP and my OP says the oppostie of that.

 

 

In fact my theory is that someone like you would be single for the very reasons you list. You are high average looking not HOT but not average. Educated in an intimidating field. That you are single is no surprise.

 

 

Many men find you intimidating and the few hotter more accomplished men may over look you too.

 

 

You are the kind of person I was writing about.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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By the way.

 

I have had 2 long term relationships and had plenty of men who WANTED to date me seriously.

 

Average gal here:)

 

And let me just reiterate: I am probably average to the vast majority. .. yet I have had plenty of people that honestly think I'm gorgeous looking.

 

Looks ARE subject. .... However, it's true that some features are offensive to a lot of people ( a large bulbus or croooked nose and loads of acne) while certain physical attributes are much admired ( a small nose on a woman, full lips and large eyes).

 

I don't have anything that offensive about my looks , and therefore I have an ample supply of people who find me attractive. Moreover, I am sure most people don't find me particularly attractive.

 

 

 

Us average people have every shot of having loving and fulfilling relationships; we have just as much chance as models do.

 

Actually. .. I seem to have much happier relationships than my model best friend. And I get just as much male interest.

 

Life doesn't revolve around some sick scale of a measure of attractiveness.

 

My boyfriend honestly thinks I'm more attractive than my model friend. Even though I'm average to probably most people.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Yeah tell them to stop calling me...

 

 

 

Well, they do tend to prefer average looking guys, albeit with nice smiles.

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

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By the way.

 

I have had 2 long term relationships and had plenty of men who WANTED to date me seriously.

 

Average gal here:)

 

And let me just reiterate: I am probably average to the vast majority. .. yet I have had plenty of people that honestly think I'm gorgeous looking.

 

Looks ARE subject. .... However, it's true that some features are offensive to a lot of people ( a large bulbus or croooked nose and loads of acne) while certain physical attributes are much admired ( a small nose on a woman, full lips and large eyes).

 

I don't have anything that offensive about my looks , and therefore I have an ample supply of people who find me attractive. Moreover, I am sure most people don't find me particularly attractive.

 

 

 

Us average people have every shot of having loving and fulfilling relationships; we have just as much chance as models do.

 

Actually. .. I seem to have much happier relationships than my model best friend. And I get just as much male interest.

 

Life doesn't revolve around some sick scale of a measure of attractiveness.

 

My boyfriend honestly thinks I'm more attractive than my model friend. Even though I'm average to probably most people.

 

Not to harp on this what people are saying your average? You might be average for your demographic, but as a young blonde chick there is a lot of competition there. The fact you get a lot of male attention means you're better than average.

jimloveslips Established Member

jimloveslips

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albeit with nice smiles.

 

They're British teeth, there's nothing I can do about that...:p

jimloveslips Established Member

jimloveslips

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My boyfriend honestly thinks I'm more attractive than my model friend

 

He's smart, and in your pants, of course he says this!

 

Edit:

oops sorry, two Leigh87 replies in a row - not stalking, honestly.

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SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

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the mean value, 5.

 

 

 

Uh, you'd better check your math.

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

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Average gal here:)

 

And let me just reiterate: I am probably average to the vast majority.

 

 

 

You're just... unrealistic.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

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I'm an average female and always had a hard time getting dates. I figure it's because I just sorta blend in with the millions of other decent and normal and average women in the world. It wasn't until I finally joined OLD that I was able to get a date and meet a guy who is really great for me.

 

I think that good looking, average, and unattractive people all will have their own different difficulties though. Gorgeous people might be intimidating, average people get lost in a sea of averageness, and unattractive people are gonna have a smaller pool of options.

 

 

And of course, it's all subjective.

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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Uh, you'd better check your math.

 

 

 

If ten is the maximum and zero the minimum (0+10)/2=5. Right?

StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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I agree with the poster(s) who state that the average folks who focus on looks and "dating up" have the most problems. It's their attitude and outlook that is at fault, not their appearance.

 

To be honest, I get the impression (since I started viewing the forum) that the problem is exacerbated or perhaps exaggerated due to the heavy skew towards online dating/Facebook/social media/ratings sites/general popular media consumption. There is a certain disconnect between online life and reality. Average women on OLD sites become pickier than normal and average men email women that they would have slim chances with anyway under other circumstances.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I'm an average female and always had a hard time getting dates. I figure it's because I just sorta blend in with the millions of other decent and normal and average women in the world. It wasn't until I finally joined OLD that I was able to get a date and meet a guy who is really great for me.

 

I think that good looking, average, and unattractive people all will have their own different difficulties though. Gorgeous people might be intimidating, average people get lost in a sea of averageness, and unattractive people are gonna have a smaller pool of options.

 

 

And of course, it's all subjective.

 

 

You're prettier than average.

Phantom888 Established Member

Phantom888

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This is complete BS! Looks are subjective. Though there are definitely looks that qualify as universally beautiful, the preferences vary greatly depending on chemistry and compatibility. I have been judged as a 9 by some women, and as low as a 7 by others. I think the general consensus is that I am around 8-ish. Does that make it difficult for me to date? Hell no! I did very well online-dating, and dated models as well as "regular" women. I don't see how my chances would improve if I got more handsome or uglier. I am who I am, and women can sense my confidence and abilities before they even meet me in real life. So although looks are important for 1st impressions, it should not be a factor that holds anyone back. The girl I had the hugest crush in college was easily a 3 or 4. She wouldn't date me because she thought I was too good-looking, and that I would stray easily. I was pretty sad about that.

irc333 Established Member

irc333

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I have to agree here...online dating has really made a woman's expectations even more unrealistic. They are likely to ignore those men they'd never ignore in real life.

 

 

I agree with the poster(s) who state that the average folks who focus on looks and "dating up" have the most problems. It's their attitude and outlook that is at fault, not their appearance.

 

To be honest, I get the impression (since I started viewing the forum) that the problem is exacerbated or perhaps exaggerated due to the heavy skew towards online dating/Facebook/social media/ratings sites/general popular media consumption. There is a certain disconnect between online life and reality. Average women on OLD sites become pickier than normal and average men email women that they would have slim chances with anyway under other circumstances.

freetolove Established Member

freetolove

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I don't agree at all because people date for more then just looks. I've dated some hot ass guys who were dumb and it didn't last. There were average look guys that became a lot more attractive people of the smarts and personality. There were even ugly guys that became attractive because of their charisma so you never know

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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I don't agree at all because people date for more then just looks. I've dated some hot ass guys who were dumb and it didn't last. There were average look guys that became a lot more attractive people of the smarts and personality. There were even ugly guys that became attractive because of their charisma so you never know

 

 

Those are all true but what prompts people to start dating? What makes you approach the man who's a 6'5", broad shouldered, chisled muscular masculine hunk...instead of a 5'4" bespectacled, pasty, flabby guy.

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