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Theory: Average looking people have the hardest time dating.

Mrlonelyone

By Mrlonelyone
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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted

It occurs to me that it is the average or slightly above average looking people that have the hardest time dating.

 

On here for a while I notice the people who post eh Am I Ugly type of thread or dating profile reviews are never 9's or 10's they are also never 4's or 5's. They are 7's 8's 6's they are above the average but not super hot by any means. (I'd put myself there easily a 7).

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8c/Standard_deviation_diagram.svg/350px-Standard_deviation_diagram.svg.png

 

On this figure a 7.5 wold be about one standard deviation from the mean value, 5.

 

I see people who are in that small group and the high end mated up all the time. I see people who are in the lower end mated up, happily all the time. Those of us in that fat part in the middle or above the top.

 

That's the data.

 

 

The hypothesis is this.

 

People who are above 6.5 up to about 8.5... people who are a high-average looking, maybe semi-hot, have the hardest time finding someone who will commit.

 

The reasons for this would be that they aren't hot enough to get and keep the really hot. They are also just hot enough to look unattainable or unkeeptable to the much less hot. Yet at the same time, they feel they have a legit shot at someone a bit hotter.

 

I know this whole discussion of numbers and hotness sounds so banal. It's supposed to be about personality, compatibility, etc ... looks matter. lets talk about how looks effect things without judging it.

 

Please discuss. Does that sound like what has happened to people around you, the reader?

regine_phalange Established Member

regine_phalange

Posted
Posted

Is there an official/scientific method to use this 1-10 rating system?

I mean, do I take +1 for having almond green eyes but -0,5 for having a stupid gaze? How does it work really?

  • Like 8
rocketman122 Established Member

rocketman122

Posted
Posted
It occurs to me that it is the average or slightly above average looking people that have the hardest time dating.

 

On here for a while I notice the people who post eh Am I Ugly type of thread or dating profile reviews are never 9's or 10's they are also never 4's or 5's. They are 7's 8's 6's they are above the average but not super hot by any means. (I'd put myself there easily a 7).

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8c/Standard_deviation_diagram.svg/350px-Standard_deviation_diagram.svg.png

 

On this figure a 7.5 wold be about one standard deviation from the mean value, 5.

 

I see people who are in that small group and the high end mated up all the time. I see people who are in the lower end mated up, happily all the time. Those of us in that fat part in the middle or above the top.

 

That's the data.

 

 

The hypothesis is this.

 

People who are above 6.5 up to about 8.5... people who are a high-average looking, maybe semi-hot, have the hardest time finding someone who will commit.

 

The reasons for this would be that they aren't hot enough to get and keep the really hot. They are also just hot enough to look unattainable or unkeeptable to the much less hot. Yet at the same time, they feel they have a legit shot at someone a bit hotter.

 

I know this whole discussion of numbers and hotness sounds so banal. It's supposed to be about personality, compatibility, etc ... looks matter. lets talk about how looks effect things without judging it.

 

Please discuss. Does that sound like what has happened to people around you, the reader?

 

average is the vast majority, so the vast majority of the public have a hard time dating? its all individual. could be a person whos decent looking and has the gift of gab and a great looking person who has a crap personality.

 

I think people who look good have it harder than the average in certain situations. and the ugly ones the worst. I think everyone wants to date a good looking person but most will compromise on looks. and since most are average, I think your thinking is flawed.

 

good looking people have a better chance but there are no set rules here.

 

how many times have you seen an average or ugly person with a very good looking person? this is for both genders.

 

many are intimidated by good looking people. I know that when I was on OLD many told me (when I met them) they were intimidated (because im tall and muscular and look good) to send me a message. they didnt think they were on the same level. and there were many ugly women who couldnt give a damn and they sent out messages with the mindset that if I dont try I wont know. or, if I wait for someone to flirt with me ill be old so they took initiative.

 

I think there are too many variables with your thinking.

  • Like 2
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

If i consider myself hot. Does not mean i am everybodys cup of tea. I would never describe anyone as average though. I mean what is average? Someone who is gorgeous to me may be horrible to another. But some days i think i am drop dead gorgeous!

  • Like 6
Revolver Established Member

Revolver

Posted
Posted

It goes like this from easiest to hardest

 

 

1.)Hot girl

2.)Average girl

3.)Hot guy

4.)Ugly girl

5.)Average guy

6.)Ugly guy

  • Like 2
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
Yet at the same time, they feel they have a legit shot at someone a bit hotter.

 

This attitude would make dating difficult for anyone, regardless of their attractiveness.

  • Like 2
BillJJ Member

BillJJ

Posted
Posted

Maybe it is because I grew up in a rural area but most people I know that are married around my age are pretty normal looking and it is rare to see somebody that looks like a movie star. :laugh:

 

I know I am not the greatest looking guy in the world. I don’t have big muscles or rock hard abs but I have managed to get three girls to fall in love with me so without sounding egotistical I know I must have something and it definitely has nothing to do with being a musician, songwriter or music journalist because the first girl was my childhood best friend, the second I met at TAFE and the third I have known for 26 years. I don’t really care much when it comes to looks – I am Demisexual so for me to be attracted to a woman I need to have an emotional connection with her and if I don’t have that they generally do nothing for me. I am more picky when it comes to personality and I usually find myself attracted to girls that are nerds or tomboys.

 

I prefer a woman that wears pants and wouldn’t be caught dead in high heels which isn’t to say I dislike ‘girly girls’ but I just don’t have anything in common with them and talking to them is like trying to have a conversation with somebody from a different universe. I think we all have our own perspective of beautiful and at the moment a woman with red hair, green eyes and freckles is mine.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
It goes like this from easiest to hardest

 

 

1.)Hot girl

2.)Average girl

3.)Hot guy

4.)Ugly girl

5.)Average guy

6.)Ugly guy

With regard to dating, this aligns with my life experience and social circle. The hot to average women, of any age I've been, are generally never truly single, meaning they are unattached and only dating. Usually their relationships overlap. Guys are always after them and they start dating someone new before their relationship or marriage officially ends.

 

Based on the LTR's and M I've had, #5 sounds about right for my life experience and demographic. Had I been more bold and willing to be perceived as creepy (another thread running right now), I think position might have been improved. Dating, or rather finding a date with a demonstrably single woman, was difficult and debilitating, for my personality anyway. That's how life works sometimes. It's a lot better, and more peaceful, now.

  • Like 2
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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
  • Author
Posted
With regard to dating, this aligns with my life experience and social circle. The hot to average women, of any age I've been, are generally never truly single, meaning they are unattached and only dating. Usually their relationships overlap. Guys are always after them and they start dating someone new before their relationship or marriage officially ends. .

 

 

 

Could that be partly because of those women's mentalities? Fear of being alone and all that?

 

 

 

Based on the LTR's and M I've had, #5 sounds about right for my life experience and demographic. Had I been more bold and willing to be perceived as creepy (another thread running right now), I think position might have been improved. Dating, or rather finding a date with a demonstrably single woman, was difficult and debilitating, for my personality anyway. That's how life works sometimes. It's a lot better, and more peaceful, now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

@ Revolver Hot, semi hot, and just above average looking women may get more dates. Bet do these women keep men or do they get dumped about half the time they change relationships?

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted

Meh, I'd say the big thing that makes dating difficult for anyone is being more selective than you can be for whatever reason and then not realizing that's what's going on.

 

I mean you could the hottest woman in the world and only want to date Presidents, that's going to make your dating life pretty difficult.

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Could that be partly because of those women's mentalities? Fear of being alone and all that?

 

While I've discounted the words, over time, as a 'hook', I've rarely met a woman who didn't utter those words ('I don't want to be alone' or 'I'm afraid of being alone'). Back in my 'white knight' virgin days, some used to call me when their boyfriends or husbands were out of town because they were afraid to be alone for one night. I can laugh about the absurdity of my position on this list back then, now.

 

 

 

@ Revolver Hot, semi hot, and just above average looking women may get more dates. Bet do these women keep men or do they get dumped about half the time they change relationships?

 

IME, so far anyway, it's been a BBD psychology. Due to this, when I was younger, less mature and a little more mouthy, I used to opine that there was always another man with a bigger d!ck and a fatter wallet. Indeed, the average to hot women in my demographic were generally looking for and often getting the BBD (bigger better deal). I mean, really, I can't blame them. If I was married and had a cadre of more successful and socially powerful men chasing me, I'd likely be looking to trade up too. In fact, this is part of why I hold no animosity towards my exW. She did good for herself. Made the most of our M and got herself a better man for her, just like she did with her previous two husbands. That's not uncommon in my demographic. It's normal for an average woman. It works.

  • Like 1
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

Perspective will vary. Personally, I'm surrounded by hundreds of couples that meet this definition every time I go to a elementary-aged school event in my middle/upper-middle class community. It's hard for me to believe that this is the group with the hardest time finding a partner when it is so common in my world.....

  • Like 1
StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
Posted

I think it depends on what you mean by "dating". But I think Revolver's hierarchy could serve as a good rule of thumb.

 

Most people are average obviously. The average guys I know didn't go on a lot of dates with a lot of different girls. They didn't have the option to do that. Many of them went on dates with girls that obviously didn't like them. Most of those guys are married though now, churning out babies and going on with life.

 

Average girls can date more probably - dangle sex/promise of sex out there and all sorts of men will come running. Normal girls will date average guys and then marry one who treats her good. The average ones who need a lot of attention or are less self-aware might hold out a bit longer or tolerate a higher amount of pump and dump.

  • Like 1
GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted

The problem with your theory is that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. Some people think I'm a 9 some people think I'm a 5 - and it's the same for everybody.

 

My theory is that the people who are stuck in this whole 1-10 scale are the ones having problems dating.

  • Like 1
MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

Posted
Posted

I always attributed it to me being so good looking I intimidate certain women. To quote Kevin James from King Of Queens -- "I'm like the pretty girl who doesn't get asked to prom."

 

A lot of really beautiful women rarely get asked out because it's assumed they are either taken, or in a "different league" than the people who want to ask her out.

 

That's how I've always seen it :)

  • Like 2
Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted
I always attributed it to me being so good looking I intimidate certain women. To quote Kevin James from King Of Queens -- "I'm like the pretty girl who doesn't get asked to prom."

 

A lot of really beautiful women rarely get asked out because it's assumed they are either taken, or in a "different league" than the people who want to ask her out.

 

That's how I've always seen it :)

 

Made me laugh, I hope this is true for you MrCastle.

  • Like 1
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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Perspective will vary. Personally, I'm surrounded by hundreds of couples that meet this definition every time I go to a elementary-aged school event in my middle/upper-middle class community. It's hard for me to believe that this is the group with the hardest time finding a partner when it is so common in my world.....

 

 

Then you were also lucky to find someone in the right place and time for both of you to marry.

 

 

The rest of us must search longer.

 

 

 

IME, so far anyway, it's been a BBD psychology. Due to this, when I was younger, less mature and a little more mouthy, I used to opine that there was always another man with a bigger d!ck and a fatter wallet. Indeed, the average to hot women in my demographic were generally looking for and often getting the BBD (bigger better deal). I mean, really, I can't blame them. If I was married and had a cadre of more successful and socially powerful men chasing me, I'd likely be looking to trade up too. In fact, this is part of why I hold no animosity towards my exW. She did good for herself. Made the most of our M and got herself a better man for her, just like she did with her previous two husbands. That's not uncommon in my demographic. It's normal for an average woman. It works.

 

 

That is way more mature than I could see myself being. I guess the old joke that women marry for in health and for richer and for richer is true.

 

 

The BBD I think that is part of it plus this.......

 

 

I always attributed it to me being so good looking I intimidate certain women. To quote Kevin James from King Of Queens -- "I'm like the pretty girl who doesn't get asked to prom."

 

A lot of really beautiful women rarely get asked out because it's assumed they are either taken, or in a "different league" than the people who want to ask her out.

 

That's how I've always seen it :)

 

 

The example I would come up with in men would be the Brad Pitts and David Bowies of the world. Unless they meet, like, and marry an Angelina Jolie or Iman looking woman they ain't getting married (Even Bowies first wife was petty hot.). Fun fact Bowie and Iman were set up by a friend for their first date. So super hot people can have trouble finding someone too.

 

 

Suppose one isn't super hot. Just a bit above average.

  • Like 1
Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted

The example I would come up with in men would be the Brad Pitts and David Bowies of the world. Unless they meet, like, and marry an Angelina Jolie or Iman looking woman they ain't getting married (Even Bowies first wife was petty hot.). Fun fact Bowie and Iman were set up by a friend for their first date. So super hot people can have trouble finding someone too.

 

 

Suppose one isn't super hot. Just a bit above average.

 

It could also be that what's best really is subjective. I'm not one to totally jump on that bandwagon as most people can agree is a person is ugly, normal, or attractive but maybe once you are rather good looking yourself and can be picky and they only want the best, they're going to have to be someone's best as well. Presuming they're both people that the majority would consider attractive and wouldn't really have any trouble just getting attention or finding someone they think is alright.

 

That's actually sort of how I think. I'm not going for anyone I don't think is the best as a result of that I have to be their best. Needless to say I end up with quality over quantity.

 

Apposed to how it seems most normal people do things is they just find someone they like more than they dislike.

nomadic_butterfly Established Member

nomadic_butterfly

Posted
Posted
It occurs to me that it is the average or slightly above average looking people that have the hardest time dating.

 

On here for a while I notice the people who post eh Am I Ugly type of thread or dating profile reviews are never 9's or 10's they are also never 4's or 5's. They are 7's 8's 6's they are above the average but not super hot by any means. (I'd put myself there easily a 7).

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8c/Standard_deviation_diagram.svg/350px-Standard_deviation_diagram.svg.png

 

On this figure a 7.5 wold be about one standard deviation from the mean value, 5.

 

I see people who are in that small group and the high end mated up all the time. I see people who are in the lower end mated up, happily all the time. Those of us in that fat part in the middle or above the top.

 

That's the data.

 

 

The hypothesis is this.

 

People who are above 6.5 up to about 8.5... people who are a high-average looking, maybe semi-hot, have the hardest time finding someone who will commit.

 

The reasons for this would be that they aren't hot enough to get and keep the really hot. They are also just hot enough to look unattainable or unkeeptable to the much less hot. Yet at the same time, they feel they have a legit shot at someone a bit hotter.

 

I know this whole discussion of numbers and hotness sounds so banal. It's supposed to be about personality, compatibility, etc ... looks matter. lets talk about how looks effect things without judging it.

 

Please discuss. Does that sound like what has happened to people around you, the reader?

 

Hogwash. On the sole premise that beauty is HIGHLY SUBJECTIVE not OBJECTIVE this holds absolutely no merit in my book and I won't bother reading past the first few lines.

StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
Posted
Then you were also lucky to find someone in the right place and time for both of you to marry.

 

 

The rest of us must search longer.

 

 

 

 

 

That is way more mature than I could see myself being. I guess the old joke that women marry for in health and for richer and for richer is true.

 

 

The BBD I think that is part of it plus this.......

 

 

 

 

 

The example I would come up with in men would be the Brad Pitts and David Bowies of the world. Unless they meet, like, and marry an Angelina Jolie or Iman looking woman they ain't getting married (Even Bowies first wife was petty hot.). Fun fact Bowie and Iman were set up by a friend for their first date. So super hot people can have trouble finding someone too.

 

 

Suppose one isn't super hot. Just a bit above average.

 

Wasn't Pitt married to that lady from Friends?

 

I don't think normal rules apply to the rich and famous. There are plenty of rough looking rock stars, pro athletes, politicians etc that get with super models. They travel in different circles.

 

I can think of plenty examples from circles I travel in, where I've known guys who rarely had a date, who eventually married a girl from the same/similar circle. The girl in the example usually was dating someone or at least had some guy sniffing around for as long as I knew her.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

Timing is an interesting point. Those that are "relationship ready" at an earlier age probably have an easier time, and are less likely to have the BBD outlook. Too much time in the dating scene seems to turn finding a partner into a challenge to achieve rather than a journey to discover. Or maybe that is correlation, with achievers also being slower to be relationship ready.

  • Like 2
regine_phalange Established Member

regine_phalange

Posted
Posted

As an average girl with a great taste, I always relied on handsome men with a horrible taste. They do exist :love:

 

*I'd totally marry Bowie!

  • Like 4
Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted

 

This has been my issue with that point as well. Sure we can't all agree on what's best, as that is subjective. At the same time most men are going to agree with the notion that Scarlett Johansson is at least attractive, and I don't think many women are going to call Matt Damon bad looking.

 

We can identify a trend at least.

  • Like 1
StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
Posted
Timing is an interesting point. Those that are "relationship ready" at an earlier age probably have an easier time, and are less likely to have the BBD outlook. Too much time in the dating scene seems to turn finding a partner into a challenge to achieve rather than a journey to discover. Or maybe that is correlation, with achievers also being slower to be relationship ready.

 

That's why asked what OP meant by "dating". I'm assuming he meant "playing the field", not looking for a serious relationship. Timing is huge for two people looking more seriously, in my experience. In terms of just dating around, women have the advantage up to a point.

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