EdG Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I was introduced to a group by a friend of mine a few months ago, we've since all become good friends and often go out together to socialise. A few weeks ago I 'randomly' hooked up with one of the girls in the group. I'm a 26 year old guy and she's 30. We've met a few times since. We talked and she says that she doesn't know "what this is", doesn't know "what she wants out of this", but she just feels comfortable around me and enjoys my company. We both said that before we hooked up although we found each other attractive we hadn't thought of each other romantically. Since we hooked up my outlook has changed and now I do have romantic feelings for her. I am cautious to pursue this for a couple of reasons and am interested to hear useful feedback: 1. I don't want to spoil the group dynamic that we all have as friends. If we start to become more than just friends (which to be honest has already happened/started to happen) then the group dynamics my change. We all get along very well and have a whole load of fun together. I wouldn't want that to change. 2. She has a history with another guy from the group. They flirt and have once slept together. I know still finds him attractive and I know they still speak. She says there is nothing going on and if there was then it would have happened already as they've been this way for a year or so. I don't want to stop her speaking to a mate, I don't want to feel competitive with this guy, but I am worried that the more my feelings grow I could become jealous if their flirting continues. I don't know this guy well enough to know how he feels about her now, but I know he's had his chance with her and for whatever reason chose not to, so I assume he doesn't like her enough to pursue things. I am cautious to make sure I am not stepping on his toes if he does still like her, as again I don't want to complicate our friendship group. He's 32, so closer to her with regards to age. 3. I am not sure how my mate who introduced me to the group would feel if I told her I'm seeing this girl. I haven't yet told him that we hooked up and have met up a few times since. I feel like I am hiding something from him. I know he likes her too (she's popular with the guys ey!!ha) although I think he realises that nothing could happen romantically as she doesn't find him attractive. So, what advise do you have for me? What would you do? I do really like this girl now and feel we are well suited, but i don't want to complicate life. I know she likes me too, but maybe it's too soon for each of us to decide to make any real moves. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Author EdG Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 I am thinking to give it time so we can both work out "what this is" and whether or not we want to further our relationship or just be friends. But i also need to think about: 1. The other guy. Does she still like him, does he still like her. 2. My mate, do I tell him whats happened and how i am feeling. I don't want to keep things from him, but at the mo I wouldn't know what to tell him.
Guitarisgood Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Assumption is best. Never sh** where you eat. It's one of the best advice people give yet never acted upon. Worse comes to worse, by you ignoring and dropping her, she comes after you and you can work out if she is actually attracted to you or not. At this point things seem to wishy washy. On the other hand you could throw caution to the wind and simply go with the flow and enjoy this til it fizzles or does not out. Things though: 1) Stop over thinking. The group dynamic will continually change and didn't you say she has already hooked up with said one guy from group already? 2) If she says nothing is going on, always assume something is. Don't get pulled into you vs him game - the person who least cares wins. 3) Bro's before H...'s. If you understand what I mean.
Author EdG Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 Thanks for the food for thought - some good points. I think what you say about sh**ing on your doorstep and the bit about whoever cares less wins are very valid here, so I am going to chill it out. Also, I can already feel the competitive edge between me and the other chap which I really don't want and isn't healthy amongst the friendship group. Cheers!
StanMusial Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Thanks for the food for thought - some good points. I think what you say about sh**ing on your doorstep and the bit about whoever cares less wins are very valid here, so I am going to chill it out. Also, I can already feel the competitive edge between me and the other chap which I really don't want and isn't healthy amongst the friendship group. Cheers! That could very well be what she is going for.
Author EdG Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 No, I don't think so, but I see you point.
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