mario_C Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Hi, it's a "at the end of my rope" situation. It's very embarrassing, too, but where else will I turn? I always put myself in situations where I can excel at talking to people, making friends or connections, and most importantly, getting a phone number and a date. And I always screw it up. I take too long to say something witty. I freeze and can't make conversation at dinner. I can't follow the woman who approached me, who looked over and did the flirty hair thing or whatever, who did everything but sit in my lap, and say hi and what are your interests? to her. Closing skills, let's call it. I freeze, and do everything but invite the loud prick with a full head of hair to walk up and cockblock me right out of the bar onto the sidewalk. "What is this guy, 14?" No, I'm an old fugly who has done it in the past, for Christ's sake. And I suddenly can't do it anymore? So, I'm doing what any smart person would, and asking the advice of strangers who more likely than not wish I were dead for help. That should end well...
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Many people get nervous in social situations. The object of your affection most probably thinks its more endearing than anything that you are a but flummoxed. The only people who routinely go through the process smoothly & flawlessly are players & actors (who have writers, rehearsals & the ability to have multiple takes). Cut yourself some slack. You may also want to practice a few closing "lines". I don't mean lines in the sense that they are insincere, but full sentences you have rehearsed so that you can deliver them on command.
Author mario_C Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 Thank you, D0nnivain. It would be endearing if we were in high school, but at 45? Not so much. And I have to admit, sometimes I wish I was one of those 'players' who just walk around without a thought or worry in their head, saying whatever it takes to get that girl. Life is so much easier for people like that, is all I'm saying...And the worst part is I have those lines in my head, but I shrivel up when the opportunity arises. And if I can't do this one simple thing, what is the point of anything else?
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 try joining a group called ToastMasters. They help people with speaking in public. The focus is more on speeches but the skills translate to one on one. Before you reject my premise, go to one meeting. 1
Author mario_C Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 I've been to a few Toastmasters events. I've done public speaking which has caused its' share of pain and thrills.
Author mario_C Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 It also seems to apply to OLD (Tinder et al) so it may not be psychological...just a lack of imagination?
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