Katiemelanie123 Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I have been married for almost 11 years and when we got married there was close to little-no sex in our marriage. Now I must preface that my husband is not cheating on me, or gay (I won't go into the details). He admitted that sex never even crosses his mind and he has always had a low libido and ed, but refuses to see a doctor. I have been rejected countless times and am so frustrated that my anger is coming out in different ways. I am resentful, but love him at the same time. We have 2 kids together and when we were talking about having children he had no problem performing. I am attractive, fit, and take very good care of myself (besides me chocolate indulgence). I am so so so lonely and have even thought about cheating on him or divorcing him, but the thought makes me sick to my stomach because I want to work it out with him. I told him how I feel. I said that it's like him trying to hold my hand, but I keep pushing him away for 11 years. I am so depressed. We are finally going to see a marriage counselor, but I have lost hope. I'm afraid I will be throwing up the rest of my years that we could be having fun and being intimate with the sliver of hope that he will change. We are in a transition of moving and when I asked him about putting an offer on a house he admitted that he wasn't sure we would stay married because he knew I deserved better. I got angry and felt like he was playing the victim and is almost pushing me to leave so that he doesn't have to. Now I am utterly confused about what to do. I am scared, lonely, and extremely depressed.
Mariposa10 Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I would've felt really bad if he had made that comment about the house to me. I'm glad to hear you guys are gonna try to make it work. What do you mean by sexless marriage? How often do you guys have sex? Have you tried spicing things up? Asking him if there's anything he'd like to try? 1
Elliotte Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 This place needs a forum dedicated to couples where one partner is lacking libido while the other is horny and frustrated, it pops up here so frequently. I'm with you, my wife dried up around the end of year one and I occasionally get glimpses of our hot and heavy times barely a couple times a month. I've been close to ending it but am determined to make things work because she often agrees she has a problem. 11 years though....I would have walked away from that long ago. You've been letting a need go unfulfilled for over a decade and faced countless rejection from the man you want the most. You need to accept that he's not going to change and get with someone who wants to jump in bed with you every night and make that headboard pound the wall! 1
Author Katiemelanie123 Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 I am so embarrassed to say that we have sex MAYBE once every 3 months, or so. The longest stretch being a year. This morning I tried cuddling with him and know that he had an erection, but he pushed my hand away and said "every day it's the same thing. You're just going to be upset all day" and so I left and made breakfast. Blahhhhhh! As far as spicing things up. I have tried everything. Wearing nothing, wearing sexy lingere, putting on a porn and watching it in front of him, masterbating in front of him, getting countless sitters, dressing up almost DAILY, "accidentally" taking him to the sex shop, taking him out for romantic dates. It gets to be almost abusive at this point when I am rejected after trying so hard. And I have to reemphasize that I am attractive. I don't need to lose weight. I get hit on by other men, and once I got hit on by a very attractive man IN FRONT OF HIM and he didn't even care. Last night he finally agreed to getting his testosterone levels checked the next time he goes to the doctor, but I will believe it when I see it.
thefooloftheyear Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 (edited) Im sorry for your situation...Lets assume its as you say and he isnt gay. From what it seems like, (and I hope you dont take offense that I am saying this), is that he just really isnt that into you-in the romantic/sexual sense. I know you say you are good looking and fit, but its unrealistic to just assume thats enough for any/every guy to want to rip you apart. So why doesnt he want to leave? He likely likes his life and adores his/your kids...He may be comfortable and the lack of intimacy(while vital to you), isnt enough of an issue for him to want to blow up his entire life..So you are in this constant internal struggle to try to make something happen...Personally if he was really into you -YOU wouldnt have to be urging him to get his Test levels checked/corrected-HE would have done that on his own...IME, if its what I am thinking, you are probably going to have little to no success with this...And it will frustrate the hell out of you..If its any consolation, your situation, while unpleasant(and thats putting it mildly), really is quite common.. I'm no specialist, so hopefully a trained individual can get you both through this without blowing your lives up.. I wish you well TFY Edited December 22, 2013 by thefooloftheyear
QuietDan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Misery... needs company at time. I have been stuck riding the emotional roller coaster of being in an almost sexless marriage... the better part of 25 years now... Our 27th wedding anniversary will soon be here. I have been struggling in the bog and swamp of self pity a bit lately.... I suppose I can relate a bit.... although everyone's personal journey through these challenges is different and unique.
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