WhoreyBull Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I have got myself into a bad situation. I am using a mobile to post so please excuse my typing mistakes. There are two men "S" and "T". I have got involved with both. Essentially I have a talent for having a fling and said fling falls in love with me, that is how it happened... Both have expressed they want to marry me, but they are very different otherwise. Allow me to expand, in list form, sorry. S -wants to have a 3 way talk with T -bad family life, mom does not like me -knows I lied, forgives me -has no good job -never violent, understanding and kind -almost zero english -ex gf claimed she was pregnant, but was just doing marriage fraud -into kinky things (which I like), sometimes would let me have sex with his friends (also like) T -good job -mom likes me -away maybe once a few weeks for job -can get very angry/violent -also sweet and kind, most of the time -fluent english -ex gf claimed she left him because he was "girly" (what does that even mean...?) -jealous other guys Esentially S came to drop off some stuff. He said it was painful to him to look at it. I took it, invited him in, made him dinner. I know that was a mistake. We snuggled, I offered him something to drink (it was later in the afternoon and I was having a drink with my dinner). We talked a lot and he said how he hated liars but I came clean to him so he forgives me. He said I need to decide what I want by christmas (a couples holiday in this country). He told me he was going to go home that night, but I knew he wanted to stay, and I wanted him to stay. He was all dressed in his coat and hat, but I asked him to stay. He acted like he was going, but never made it far enough that the door could shut. He was a bit drunk at this point, but still very much lucid. Before sleeping he hadna serious talk with me. We do not speak the same language but using both our languages we both got the gist of it. As he fell asleep he said "please choose me". My heart broke. He told me so many sweet things, that he will love me forever, that he just wants me to be happy. I feel like T just wants to be happy... However I am not sure if this is influenced by S's visit. Any questions you have, I will answer. I just want level headed advice. I am in no way a level head, as my grandma would say I've "made strange". Please, any insight would be great. Especially if you have been stuck between two people before. Should I break it off with both of them due to the pain I have caused?
GoreSP Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I would drop S in an instant just because of the violence bit... 5
lamaga Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I have got myself into a bad situation. I am using a mobile to post so please excuse my typing mistakes. There are two men "S" and "T". I have got involved with both. Essentially I have a talent for having a fling and said fling falls in love with me, that is how it happened... Both have expressed they want to marry me, but they are very different otherwise. Allow me to expand, in list form, sorry. S -wants to have a 3 way talk with T -bad family life, mom does not like me -knows I lied, forgives me -has no good job -never violent, understanding and kind -almost zero english -ex gf claimed she was pregnant, but was just doing marriage fraud -into kinky things (which I like), sometimes would let me have sex with his friends (also like) T -good job -mom likes me -away maybe once a few weeks for job -can get very angry/violent -also sweet and kind, most of the time -fluent english -ex gf claimed she left him because he was "girly" (what does that even mean...?) -jealous other guys Esentially S came to drop off some stuff. He said it was painful to him to look at it. I took it, invited him in, made him dinner. I know that was a mistake. We snuggled, I offered him something to drink (it was later in the afternoon and I was having a drink with my dinner). We talked a lot and he said how he hated liars but I came clean to him so he forgives me. He said I need to decide what I want by christmas (a couples holiday in this country). He told me he was going to go home that night, but I knew he wanted to stay, and I wanted him to stay. He was all dressed in his coat and hat, but I asked him to stay. He acted like he was going, but never made it far enough that the door could shut. He was a bit drunk at this point, but still very much lucid. Before sleeping he hadna serious talk with me. We do not speak the same language but using both our languages we both got the gist of it. As he fell asleep he said "please choose me". My heart broke. He told me so many sweet things, that he will love me forever, that he just wants me to be happy. I feel like T just wants to be happy... However I am not sure if this is influenced by S's visit. Any questions you have, I will answer. I just want level headed advice. I am in no way a level head, as my grandma would say I've "made strange". Please, any insight would be great. Especially if you have been stuck between two people before. Should I break it off with both of them due to the pain I have caused? What do you want to hear? This is wrong on so many levels. First of all, the way you talk about these people seems to be very superficial. It doesn't even seem as if there are any feelings involved. The fact that the second guy is violent is a huge deal breaker. I would cut him lose. And since it seems as if you don't like the other guy that much, I'd say stop torturing him emotionally and let him go as well. Good luck. 2
lamaga Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 To be fair, she did say she wasn't a good person. I do agree though OP, obviously the second guy is out because of the violence. You could have listed "Turned down GQ's 'Men of the Year'" and "Periodically craps solid gold bricks" before and after that attribute, and he'd still be out. The first guy doesn't sound like much either though. Regardless, it's clear you're not hugely smitten with either one or you wouldn't have this problem. There are lots of men in the world, oodles in fact. Even ones into kinky stuff. Go find one that likes fisting you and not your face, tack on a few more favorable attributes and get going. I meant it is wrong on MANY levels. But not mainly because she is a bad person, but merely because she is dating two guys who are clearly not for her, and especially one who is violent... come on... 1
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 I would drop S in an instant just because of the violence bit... That's "T". My eyesight is nit so great, is that a typo on my part? Either way I can understand. 1
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 What do you want to hear? This is wrong on so many levels. First of all, the way you talk about these people seems to be very superficial. It doesn't even seem as if there are any feelings involved. The fact that the second guy is violent is a huge deal breaker. I would cut him lose. And since it seems as if you don't like the other guy that much, I'd say stop torturing him emotionally and let him go as well. Good luck. I can see that. I don t "want to hear" anything. It is more like I want to hear what I do not want to hear. Imdo see I am being a bit clinical in my post, but please remember the are fresh woundsand I am imdeed trying to avoid the emotional aspect, lest it destroy me. I have though about letting them both go. I just needed some enforcment. Though I will wait for others.
BillJJ Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Trust me when I say you are not a bad person. You seem to have gotten yourself in a difficult situation but everybody makes mistakes.
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 To be fair, she did say she wasn't a good person. I do agree though OP, obviously the second guy is out because of the violence. You could have listed "Turned down GQ's 'Men of the Year'" and "Periodically craps solid gold bricks" before and after that attribute, and he'd still be out. The first guy doesn't sound like much either though. Regardless, it's clear you're not hugely smitten with either one or you wouldn't have this problem. There are lots of men in the world, oodles in fact. Even ones into kinky stuff. Go find one that likes fisting you and not your face, tack on a few more favorable attributes and get going. The issue is I am completely smitten with both. I, again, understand I am not showing my emotions with this post. However if I showed them it would be a wall of text, hence why I said I would answer questions. I also sas violent in my past, that is part of why I have not run. Most seem I need to leave both... I think that is more likely than I would like.
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 Trust me when I say you are not a bad person. You seem to have gotten yourself in a difficult situation but everybody makes mistakes. Thank you for that. I don't think I am generally bad, but I have been making very bad decisions. I feel like a china cabenet is flalling and I am too busy trying to catch plates to notice something is going to crush me.
ThatMan Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Thank you for that. I don't think I am generally bad, but I have been making very bad decisions. I feel like a china cabenet is flalling and I am too busy trying to catch plates to notice something is going to crush me. You can choose to remove violent men from your life. 1
Eivuwan Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I would drop S in an instant just because of the violence bit... Don't you meant T?
FitChick Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I am guessing you are good looking since you were a successful prostitute. An attractive, kinky woman has no problem finding a man. You obviously believe something that has you settling for dregs to be a "good girl" now.
MidwestUSA Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Which of the two is the fiancé from Japan that you spoke of four days ago? S, the no English dude?
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Which of the two is the fiancé from Japan that you spoke of four days ago? S, the no English dude? English speaker. The no english one is an ex who jumped back in the picture.
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 I am guessing you are good looking since you were a successful prostitute. An attractive, kinky woman has no problem finding a man. You obviously believe something that has you settling for dregs to be a "good girl" now. Nope, I am just looking to settle down these days. The sex work has treated me well, but I am looking to get into something new. It looks like these guys are worse than they are, really they are great, but I wanted to present mostly the downsides so I could get more critical responses. Both are very sweet, get me little gifts, have planned date nights and things on their days off. (Not at the same time, S is an ex who is determined not to be)
Mrlonelyone Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Drop the violent man. The fact you are even considering this means that you really should not marry T. As for S's family if he's from Japan and you are not then some of them won't like you just because. There are people like that in any race. They may not be racist in general,...but they want their grandkids to resemble themselves. 1
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 S had told me that indeed the only reason his mother does not like me me is because I am white. I was very violent in the past so T seems mild to me. I should clarify, by violent I mean hits things. Not me.
FrankieFrank Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Hitting things is not much better. One day he might run out of things to hit and divert his fists elsewhere, if you catch my drift. Besides, you aren't really smitten with either. If you were really smitten with any of them, no doubts would enter your mind. 1
Kate9292 Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Just because you can't choose between multiple guys doesn't mean your a bad person. You don't even have to choose if their fine with the situation. Being a sex worker, former or not, doesn't make you a bad person either. Don't be so hard on yourself. Date them both and see where it goes. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 23, 2013 Posted December 23, 2013 S had told me that indeed the only reason his mother does not like me me is because I am white. I was very violent in the past so T seems mild to me. I should clarify, by violent I mean hits things. Not me. I know just what you mean. On here in the past I write of a ex named S. She was of Indo-Pakistani origin and at the time I knew her origianlly arranged to be married to some guy. So she could not "date" me. We just did everything but date...on and off.. for years. In your case this guy is now willing to be with you over his mothers objections. He is good to you, and not violent. He sounds like the much better long term option. Jobs come, jobs go a person is who they are.
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Just because you can't choose between multiple guys doesn't mean your a bad person. You don't even have to choose if their fine with the situation. Being a sex worker, former or not, doesn't make you a bad person either. Don't be so hard on yourself. Date them both and see where it goes. Oh, by no means do I think my sex work makes me bad. Actually, it's one of the best things I ever did. I was independant (insofar as I still needed someone to pay me, but hey, who doesn't?) I am wondeeing if I should just drop all this drama and go back to working. However I have got T to agree to speaking with S. Does anyone think this would be a good idea? Also, to mrlonelyone, I am sorry for what you went through. Thamk you for your advice.
Kate9292 Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 Oh, by no means do I think my sex work makes me bad. Actually, it's one of the best things I ever did. I was independant (insofar as I still needed someone to pay me, but hey, who doesn't?) I am wondeeing if I should just drop all this drama and go back to working. However I have got T to agree to speaking with S. Does anyone think this would be a good idea? Also, to mrlonelyone, I am sorry for what you went through. Thamk you for your advice. Maybe you are not cut out for monogamy? I'm starting to think I'm not either. I don't think there is anything wrong with that but people you are with would have to understand it and be OK with it.
Author WhoreyBull Posted December 24, 2013 Author Posted December 24, 2013 Well I had them talk. I picked T, but only because he agreed to see a therapist.
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