Bf invites family everywhere.

[acapelo_dp]

Hello all,

I am having a small problem in my relationship at the moment. A little background, I met a guy while on a trip across the country to visit a friend. We kept in contact and I moved out there and we became official, I have two jobs and my own apartment. Everything is going pretty well, except that he moved his brother out here in September (I was staying at my boyfriends apartment with him the first 3 months to get on my feet until I had enough money saved).

 

Now, at first he invited his brother everywhere with us which is totally understandable since he had just moved. His brother found a job, but even months later my boyfriend would invite his brother along on every date that we had, literally. After months of this I started to get a bit annoyed so I calmly brought it up to him. He apologized and said he would make more time for just the two of us which he did.

 

Here's where things get trickier. He moved his other younger brother and also his father out here as well the beginning of December due to finance difficulties back home. They want to find work in the city here. So, my boyfriend moved out of his condo with his friends and moved into a house with his two brothers and father who are not currently working yet. I moved into a place on my own. Now, I do understand he wants to show them around but it is happening again that he won't only invite just his brother but his whole family out to dinners, breakfast, shopping etc with us.

 

He will even leave me at his house while he takes his brothers and dad out downtown (he invites me to come but some of it is guy stuff I don't feel like doing). I also asked him to go shopping with me last Saturday and he said no because it would be too busy, but that day he ended up going with his dad all day anyways. Basically we have had about 3 dates out just us in the past month or more. He is very family oriented which is nice... But I just want him to want to spend alone time with me as well.

 

Is this too much to ask, or am I being selfish? I really like his family but inviting them every single time is just getting a bit tiring for me. But I also don't want to hurt his feelings bringing this up.

Edited December 21, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[acapelo_dp]

Anyone have any advice ?

[spiderowl]

He just sounds more interested in his family than in you. It sounds like it's going to carry on this way, so if you don't like it, you might want to think again about keeping him as a boyfriend.

[acapelo_dp]

He just sounds more interested in his family than in you. It sounds like it's going to carry on this way, so if you don't like it, you might want to think again about keeping him as a boyfriend.

 

Well he is an amazing boyfriend. He is very affectionate even when we are out with them and invites me everywhere but it's just that he asks for them to tag along almost every time as well. He is very into me and loves me and when I do talk to him about the issue (I did once) he just said he was really excited to have his family here and show them around which made me feel badly and selfish. But I feel like I moved here at the wrong time. I didn't know that his whole family was moving here after I moved here and we have a new relationship (been official since August). I thought moving out of his apartment would help this issue but it hasn't really.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Well he is an amazing boyfriend. He is very affectionate even when we are out with them and invites me everywhere but it's just that he asks for them to tag along almost every time as well. He is very into me and loves me and when I do talk to him about the issue (I did once) he just said he was really excited to have his family here and show them around which made me feel badly and selfish. But I feel like I moved here at the wrong time. I didn't know that his whole family was moving here after I moved here and we have a new relationship (been official since August). I thought moving out of his apartment would help this issue but it hasn't really.

 

Well if you already talked about it and nothing has changed and he makes you feel guilty you have to accept this or move on. You could just start telling him diplomatically you made reservations for two at restaurants, etc. I can't see how he cannot logically understand his girlfriend's needs for intimacy and undisturbed or impeded alone time! You are dating him not his family and it seems a lot more about him and them than about the two of you. I personally would not accept this. How do you even have romantic time when things are like this?

[acapelo_dp]

Well if you already talked about it and nothing has changed and he makes you feel guilty you have to accept this or move on. You could just start telling him diplomatically you made reservations for two at restaurants, etc. I can't see how he cannot logically understand his girlfriend's needs for intimacy and undisturbed or impeded alone time! You are dating him not his family and it seems a lot more about him and them than about the two of you. I personally would not accept this. How do you even have romantic time when things are like this?

 

Usually when I want alone time I will ask "can we go just the two of us?" Or he will ask "do you want any of these guys to tag along?" And I will say no and there is no issue about it he tells them we are having a date night. But he should be the one wanting alone time. I would hate for my dad or my brother to tag along with my bf and I. And we usually have alone time watching movies in his room. But sex has been not so good lately because his dads bedroom is the next room and he could hear everything. We are 23 I feel like we are in a teenage relationship. He wanted me to move in with him actually and I said no because I did not want to love with him and his family...

[acapelo_dp]

I just feel like I came at a bad time. He is literally taking care of his family financially right now and he drives them around everywhere. I feel like we didn't get a chance to be a couple since he spends all his time with them and when we are together they tag along. I feel like this should be the time for us to spend time alone together and have fun..

[FitChick]

Keep asking them how the job hunting is going. If you have to, give them leads for jobs. The sooner they are financially independent, the better it will be for you.

 

Try to find girlfriends for the brother and dad. That might solve the problem right there.

 

Not sure why you have sex in his bedroom when you have your own apartment, or did I misread something?

[acapelo_dp]

Keep asking them how the job hunting is going. If you have to, give them leads for jobs. The sooner they are financially independent, the better it will be for you.

 

Try to find girlfriends for the brother and dad. That might solve the problem right there.

 

Not sure why you have sex in his bedroom when you have your own apartment, or did I misread something?

 

I am updated on the job situation. His dad had an interview and he starts some work after the holidays I guess but his brothers are currently applying to jobs but have not gotten a word back from anyone yet.

We have sex at his place because usually that's where we are. He spent the night once at my place but he works a 5 min drive from his house currently and I am downtown a 25 minute drive so it's easier for me to stay at his house during the week. I work most weekends so sometimes we don't get a chance to hang out much then. So it's kind of a situation where he prefers me to go to his place and it is also easier for commute.

[acapelo_dp]

I dont get.is he really your bf or are you just

dating.

And if he movedhis family that fast over

etc. And is more busy with them,maybe that is

his goal and plan rigth now to be there and make

money with his family for a betterlife.

Even thou it sound weird a little.

 

But sounds like gf is not a priority now.

 

Take it or leave it.

Doesn't sound like you know eachother

enough. And long so he wont put you on the first

place.

 

We are official - boyfriend and girlfriend. We are quite serious about each other and he wanted to move in together, but I was on the fence about it since I have only been here a few months. When we are together we get along really well, he is very sweet and loving. It's just he is very family oriented and is taking care of his family and balancing a relationship with me. He invites me absolutely everywhere which is very nice but I guess that is his way of including everyone so no one is left out and he doesn't feel bad.

[acapelo_dp]

I talked to him and basically he said his first priority at this time is getting his family settled and wanting them to finally have a nice Christmas and feel like family, and I will be his priority again next month. He said he will try to make some solo dates for us.