Berrie26 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 My ex broke up with me 2 months ago after a disagreement about where we were going to live (Both previously married with kids) He wanted us to move into his home and I wanted to move somewhere a little closer to my family. We have been dating 2.5 years. Anyway, since then he's kept in touch and been friendly. I let him know about 5 weeks ago that I wanted to get back together and that if he needed to live in his home then that was okay and the kids and I would move there. He ignored me, but continued to talk to me about other stuff. So a week or so later I said point blank If we aren't going to work things out then lets take some time with no contact so I can get over this, move on, ect. Less than a week later he began contacting me again daily. I said to him then again I need NC if we aren't going to work things out. He continued to send me messages. Then 3 weeks ago, he asked to hang out. We had a great time and ended up sleeping together. At this time he acted like he wanted to get back together - he kissed me first, coffee dates, talking about the future, wanting to see my kids. But when I asked to see his son repeatedly he blew it off. Then said "We aren't back together" So then once again last week I said "I want a real relationship and if you're just going to waste my time don't contact me again" So he didn't contact me for 5 days then came back AGAIN. Now we are back to dinner dates, buying my kids Christmas gifts, buying a "family ski membership", vaguely talking about the future.....and yet again he says "We aren't back together" What is this nonsense??? I point blank asked him again "whatre we doing?" "what do you want?" I get I don't know or no response at all.....and yet hes still contacting me EVERYDAY. and I mean like talking to me all day from morning until night. Is he stringing me along? Is he just confused? I'm so emotionally defeated right now I don't even know what to do.
KatZee Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Yes he's stringing you along. But he can because you allow it. You keep saying the same thing to him. "Leave me alone. I need NC." And then you go back on it every. single. time. Unless he's saying, "I love you and want to get back together and work this out" then ignore him. Do not go on dates. Do not buy family ski packages. Do not allow him to see your kids. Do not have sex with him. He's said it point blank. You guys are not together. So stop giving him the perks of a relationship while he fails to commit to you. If he calls you? Ignore it. If he texts you? Ignore it. If he comes to your house? Don't answer the door. 2
barky2 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Only read title. If you have to ask, good chance you are. It sucks, but for you and your heart...cut it off now. Barky
Trace79 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Yes he's stringing you along. But he can because you allow it. You keep saying the same thing to him. "Leave me alone. I need NC." And then you go back on it every. single. time. Unless he's saying, "I love you and want to get back together and work this out" then ignore him. Do not go on dates. Do not buy family ski packages. Do not allow him to see your kids. Do not have sex with him. He's said it point blank. You guys are not together. So stop giving him the perks of a relationship while he fails to commit to you. If he calls you? Ignore it. If he texts you? Ignore it. If he comes to your house? Don't answer the door. +1 to this! Cut him off cold. What you are giving him [and this is what he likes right now more than sleeping with you,] is power. Men can be incredible addicted to this and this is the most dangerous form of addiction that is largely unrecognized in society. People will abuse power and seek more of it at others expense if they have this addiction. Think about the CEO of a ruthless corporation hellbent on profit. Kind of an extreme I know but this guy is using you. He cares about the power you feed him more than you. I'm not saying you can't switch the roles or that he is not able to love you once again but YOU need to whip HIS butt in to shape by taking away his power cold! If you do there is a strong chance that he will go through a withdrawal, freak out, and try to get it back. But the balls in your court now. You see him on YOUR terms and when YOU feel like it...if you do. However, if you do this and he never contacts you again then it also proves that he never really cared about you in the first place...either way, I see it as a win win for you because no one deserves to be treated this way in a relationship. He may just be acting like a little boy and need some grounding to get his priorities straight...YOU will have to teach him how to behave properly as a man once again and stop acting like a selfish child in the relationship...but first...ask yourself if this guy is worth it. Remove yourself emotionally for a while if you can and then look at the relationship without any emotions attached. you may have a new look on it and realize that you don't even want the guy. Hope this helps...best of luck too! 2
BC1980 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 What is this nonsense??? I point blank asked him again "whatre we doing?" "what do you want?" I get I don't know or no response at all This is mind effery and a clear case where NC is in order. You can't live like this, though he is clearly enjoying it. I've dealt with this from my ex, and anyone who is confused, not sure, waffling, making vague statements about the future deserves NC. He behaves like this because you allow it. It's as simple as that.
Author Berrie26 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Posted December 23, 2013 Thanks for the replies. I do agree with you guys that's its happening because I let it. I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around someone I've been with for 2.5 years who wanted to marry me 2 months ago now wants to drag me through emotional hell. I started NC today :-(
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