tcc76 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 (edited) Long story short, I had a friend that had a crush on me. Over time, I developed feelings for her as well. We started hanging out, when we didn't have kids, and would spend hours just watching movies and talking, cuddling together and kissing (no sex). This went on for a month or so and then we talked about actually dating. She was all about it.... This was one a Friday and due to work, we spent the weekend apart. On the following Monday, she was acting strange and distant and said she was feeling "off". I figured she had a change of feelings or had met someone so I decided not to push the issue. We continued texting and talking as friends but she stopped all the flirting and there was absolutely no physical contact. After a couple of weeks I found out that she still had feelings for an ex and that she thought it was wrong to start a relationship with someone else when there were still feelings for someone else. I agreed 100% and told her that I understood and that I had been in those shoes before and that I hoped we could still remain friends. After that, we would text and talk whenever we saw each other and in my opinion, I thought things were going great. About a month later, I asked her if we could hang out as friends and watch a movie sometime when neither of us had our kids. She said she didn't think it was a good idea because she didn't think we could hang out together and stay just friends, and that she really wanted to hang out together but she wanted other people around. That kind of confused me, because I felt like she was saying that she didn't trust me. When I asked she told me that she completely trusted me and asked to drop the issue. So I did. In the following weeks, the texting and talking diminished somewhat (not totally gone but more sporadic). Her text messages started to get shorter and turned into very short answers. She eventually stopped texting unless I asked a question or texted her first. I took that as a sign and stopped texting and if I saw her I rarely talked to her outside of "Hello" and simple things like that. Recently she asked why I wasn't talking to her like before and I told her that I felt like I should back off because it seemed like things had turned one-sided. She replied by saying that I didn't "have to explain anything to her" and that "somethings are better left alone". My rely was basically that yes, somethings really should be left alone but other things should sometimes be talked about and that I wish we could go back to being friends like before. It's been a couple of weeks and we haven't talked or texted, but I still miss her and I think I pretty much ruined any chance of being friends. I know that if we really should be friends, that eventually it might happen, but at the same time, I feel like I screwed something up. Edited December 21, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author tcc76 Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 Anyone have any advice on how to deal with all of this?
firefly2613 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 I'm not sure why you think you screwed something up? This girl is very hot and cold, and she has done you a favor actually because if she DOES still have feelings for an ex then you wouldn't want to be involved with that anyway. There are several reasons why she may not want to hang out with you alone, some of them are good for you and some of them are not. It's time for reverse psychology. No matter how much you want to talk to her, I think it would be best to let her come to you.
firefly2613 Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 More than likely, her ex is probably back in contact with her and messing her up in a big way.
todreaminblue Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Anyone have any advice on how to deal with all of this? compassionate friends dont write each other off you stick with it even when the other person has been a dick because we can all be dicks some times......if she considered you a friend before then if she is a true friend you are a friend now....people shouldnt have to be perfect to be friends...in fact ....cant think of anything more horrid than a friend who doesnt admit to being imperfect adn accept imperfection in others..friendship should incorporate forgiveness at all times..take the time with others and her in joyful activities ....spend time have fun..... ...nurture the friendship.....see where things go.......best wishes....deb
strive Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 It looks like she's very confused about what's going on with her life (you + her ex). I think you're right, just step back and let her sort her feelings out first. Anything you do might come across as pressure (i.e. hanging out as friends) so try to put little to zero pressure on her. I think you didn't do anything wrong. You can become good friends again or even more once she sorted herself out.
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