splat Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 This is going to be long but please bear with me, I need your help or I might end up doing something I'll regret My boyfriend and I dated for about 7 or 8 months and he was my first love and first everything. I have very conservative parents who didn't let me see him outside of school for more than once every other week and so we broke up, my boyfriend citing that he was worried that eventually he would really butt heads with my parents and it would put me in a terrible situation where I would have to choose between him or them. He promised that it was the only reason, and kept telling me he still loved me very much while crying throughout the breakup. Since then I implemented no contact but he has kept saying he wants us to be friends. He asks my friends about how I'm doing, sometimes will send a friendly text, and recently gave me a DVD of Love Actually which was our favorite movie from when we dated. I confronted him about the mixed signals and he said he had bought the DVD for me before we broke up and gave it to me because he wanted it to show me that he wanted to be friends. He thinks its not healthy to cut communication and really wants us to be friends but stands by the fact that he said everything that needed to be said during the breakup. I told him for us to be friends I would need no contact to properly move on, and he doesn't get it. I love him and really want to give this another shot because my parents are willing to be more relaxed but I can't tell if he feels the same way, I don't know what to do.
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Have you told him your parents are willing to be more relaxed about your relationship? Invite him over to a family dinner, with your parents permission of course. If your parents show that they trust you & like the idea of a relationship, it should ease his concerns.
TylerDurdenn Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 If he loves you as much as he says he does he would of respected your parents decision, as they have not prevented you from seeing him, just set limits. Keep NC and ignore his friendly requests.
Author splat Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 I don't know how I would begin to talk to him about that because I don't want to push for us to get back together if that's not also what he wants. Is there a way for me to somehow casually bring up the fact that things would be different? I know staying NC is probably the best thing, I probably should just move on with my life but it is so hard because I am so attached to him
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 If you want to get back together & he says the only thing that broke you up was your parents I think you have to step up & tell him that your parents are willing to be more open to the idea of you dating. You aren't going to talk him into something he doesn't want. If he was lying to you about why you broke up, this won't change his mind about your relationship but it may change the explanation he gave you about why it ended. Either way, you will know that you tried to get something you wanted for yourself, which is a good thing.
Author splat Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 I think you have a really good point. We broke up like 3 weeks ago and have been having this weird contact situation since then. We were talking last night about how I wanted space and how he wanted friendship and it got a little heated. Do you think I should wait awhile before bringing up the idea of a second chance?
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Wait for what? No I think you should bring it up sooner rather than later & not in a text, on FB or in an e-mail.
Author splat Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 :/ unfortunately we're both going out of town for vacation but I guess asking to meet up once we're both back would be the way to go? Thank you for your advice so far by the way
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 You're welcome & I think talking when you get back would be best. Perhaps while you're away text him Merry Christmas or Happy New Year just to keep the lines of communication open.
Author splat Posted December 21, 2013 Author Posted December 21, 2013 I'm just really worried that the conversation we had last night really kind of ended any possibility of getting back together. It was pretty intense and he sounded fairly angry but apathetic. Maybe I should see if he reaches out?
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2013 Posted December 21, 2013 If he doesn't know that your parents have changed their stance you are letting him make decisions without all the info.
Author splat Posted December 22, 2013 Author Posted December 22, 2013 That's very true. I'll see what happens >_<
Recommended Posts